Online Dating Tips

Online dating profile writing tips: Make your descriptions LIKE DARTS

2009-03-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thrown a dart that didn’t have a pointed tip?

Like you unscrew the weighted sharp metal tip, and just toss the feathered shaft?

Wanna know what happens?

It bounces off the target.

Now stick that pointed tip back on there and BOOM! It sinks deep into the target and stays.

So what’s my, um... point?

Your online dating profile descriptions need to have a pointed tip, so they stick in the reader’s mind. And how do you do this? Images.

Each thing you decide should be illustrated by a story or example (this is the weighted part of the dart) that contains ONE KEY IMAGE (this is the pointed tip of the dart).

See, people remember images much better than they remember anything else. So if you want to describe in your dating profile the trait of loyalty (the feathered shaft of the dart), then you need to illustrate it with an example (the weighted head of the dart that gives it heft), and, here is the critical part... that illustrated example must have one key image (the sharp point that sticks in the target).

An example? Sure.

Let’s say I wanted people reading my online dating profile on Craigslist to know that I was athletic.

Stage one, the feathers of the dart: “I’m athletic.”

Ok, that defines the direction you are going, but is going to fall flat instantly.

Stage two, add the weight: “I work out at the gym every week.”

Ah, that will make it fly a lot further.

Stage three, add the sharp point: “Sure my dingy green gym always seems to be filled with sweaty wrinkly old people, but I still work out every week.”
Bam!

That image, although not the prettiest ever, will stick. They will forget that you are athletic, they will forget that you work out every week... but they will not forget your dingy green gym full of sweaty wrinkly old people!

WARNING:
You can overuse this technique!

You are NOT writing a cheesy romance novel. Don’t add 4 syllable adjectives and adverbs to everything you talk about. This is lame and makes you look like a sleezebag. One key trait = one key image, no more! And don't write cheese.

For example, this is BAD:
“You can find me at the gym, panting hotly as my huge thick biceps pump cold hard steel up and down, up and down, until my long hair falls over my eyes and sweat drips down my bulging smooth chest.”

I’m obviously writing to men here. I’ve never seen a woman write anything like that ever, but I’m sure it would be a hit. ;)

Cheers and happy dating in ’09!

Dylan

PS. Just so you know, the image of you looking down on old people may make you look shallow, and might only draw shallow narcissists who also look down on wrinkly old people, to your profile. Use at your own risk.

craigslist.org dating tips online

2008-10-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

So you want to date on craigslist.org personals section? It can be extremely competitive, but also extremely rewarding. Here are some tips that will help you succeed:

1.
Post your own ad instead of replying to others. This is a matter of numbers... if you have your own ad up there, you’ll get a way better result for the time you put it. Having people come to you is better than fighting the competition and replying to someone else’s ad. Also, the vast majority of people dating on Craigslist are browsing ads, not posting them, so by placing your own ad, you’ll tap into the main bulk of Craigslist daters.

2.
Have 4 photos, all of them good, all of them of you. You know that people reading Craigslist personals always skip down the listings to the posts with photos attached, right? If you don’t have a picture, don’t bother playing the game at all. Having said that, your picture must be of YOU... not a sunset, not a rose, not even a super close-up of your eye... these are just ways of cheating the reader, and people know it. If you really want to shine over the other posts, use four photos (the Craigslist max), make all of them of you, and all of them good (see my article on how to have good photos!)
Tips on having a good photo:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/online-dating-photo-tips
Tips for women on what photo NOT to use:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/bad-online-dating-profile-photos

3.
Don’t try to be cool and quirky. For some reason, people think posting quizzes, political views, and “10 weird things about me” is a great way to date on Craigslist. Don’t do this. Instead, be yourself and write a post that represents who you are and highlights the most attractive aspects of your life (ie. A dating profile). All the standard Online Casanova rules apply here: show don’t tell, be funny and unique, showcase your most valuable masculine/feminine traits... and so on.

4.
Headlines count! Online dating headlines aren’t as important on sites where your picture shows up in the profile list... but in Craigslist, where it doesn’t, you need to pay more attention to the headline. For starters, read my article on bad online dating headlines here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/Online-dating-headlines
Then try to create something unique, funny, or visual. Don’t stop with the first one, write many and test them against each other.

5.
And finally... put some effort in! If you look at a lot of craigslist.org “men seeking women” and “women seeking men” posts, you’ll be horrified by how weak an attempt some people make. You should put in a minimum of 300 words, spaced out to 4 or 5 unique paragraphs... don’t clump it all together. Sometimes the best way to stand out from the crowd is just to show up and do a good job!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

Online Dating Tips - Profile writing advice on cooking!

2008-08-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

Some online dating profile writing advice today...

I have bad news for all the guys who write about cooking for women in their profile... It has become an online dating cliché... one of those things that used to be unique, until 500,000 other guys started writing nearly the same thing too. If all your competition is saying the same thing, it holds little value at all for you.

Yes, you can jazz it up with all sorts of wonderful, descriptive details about succulent meats, crisp fresh vegetables and rare red wines... but when it comes down to it, you are still conveying the same thing as everyone else.

And the rule is... if every other guy is doing it, it’s bad. Period.

So am I telling you to kill any talk of cooking out of your profile? No. Instead, we’re going to kick it up a notch. BAM! (sorry Emeril). Remember rule #1 of online dating... BE DIFFERENT. So we are going to take cooking and spin it with something else.

Here are a few clips I’ve used to stand out from the crowd when it comes to talking about food. Sure, you can “borrow” them outright, but you’ll have better luck if you can adapt them to your own situation.

“I love to cook... but apparently so does every other guy on here, so I’m not going to bore you with details of what my kitchen smells like or how much you’ll drool at the table... because we’ll rarely eat at my place! I think if you have a great meal, you should also have a great location, so I’ve become the master of the picnic! I have 8 great spots around town, secluded, but with fantastic views that I’d love to take you to... you... me... dinner under the stars...”

The focus of this is to point out that you aren’t like other guys. The picnics are unique (a classic romantic image) and including her in the image/scenario never hurts. You could go on to describe what you are eating, or where you would take her, but a good picnic is absolutely a winner... and a rarity. Of course, this is for fair weather dating only...

Here’s another.

“You know where I’d love to take you on a date? The drive in. Come on, how long has it been since you’ve gone to one? Me, you, a screen the size of a building... and of course, I’m packing our own food... some pre-made BBQ chicken skewers, roasted potatoes, Greek salad, and a classic red wine... and of course, hot buttered popcorn from the concession building for dessert!”

Of course, if you don’t have a drive-in theater near you, this one doesn’t apply. If you do, it’s both a money date, and a fantastic hook in your profile.

And yet one more.

“Apparently, I’m the only guy on this site who ISN’T an aspiring gourmet chef... No, I’ve never taken cooking lessons, and my kitchen isn’t filled with aromas of stinky French cheeses and savory fresh weeds... Oh, I did consider cooking lessons, but I figured I’ve gotten this far on the skills mom taught me, I’d save my time and take massage lessons instead. I figured, after a long hard day at work, a foot rub always trumps a hot meal!”

This is the most definitive way of being different... shout it out up front! Poke a little fun at all the other guys! Women reading hundreds of men’s profiles will relate. You do need to fill in the blank with something else, in this case I chose massage skills, but it could be anything else, dancing skills or whatever... and of course, the shout out to good old mom never hurts.

Remember, whatever you do, it has to be significantly different than everyone else!

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. A quick plug for my book, Online Casanova, which has a whole chapter on the art of mastering descriptive writing, and another on displaying value. Check it out:
http://onlinecasanova.com/salespage_men.php

Online Dating Advice - Women's top 5 online dating profile turn ons

2008-08-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Online Dating Tips - For Men: Women's top 5 online dating profile turn ons!

I recently had the opportunity to talk to a large group of women who were all online dating. When the chance came up, I took a little survey and asked them what really turned them on when they were reading a guy’s profile. Five things stood out above all the rest.

1. Spelling and punctuation – This won by a landslide. Good spelling and punctuation are a sign of intelligence and education, two prized traits for most women. This one is so easy to do too... simply write your profile in MS Word, and let it do all the work for you! You don’t need to know what a dangling participle is, but you’d sure better know the difference between “there”, “they’re”, and “their.”

2. A sense of humor – Saying “I’m funny” doesn’t count for anything! You need to actually display a sense of humor in your profile. This doesn’t always mean being funny, although if you can make her laugh, you are money! If you can’t make her laugh, then focus on displaying a more lighthearted sense of humor, showing her that you can joke about anything.

3. Effort in the profile – Doesn’t it kind of surprise you that women are turned on simply by guys who actually write a lot in their profile, demonstrating that they are willing to put effort into what they do? If you think about it, it actually makes sense... if you don’t put effort into the profile, you probably won’t put effort into much else in life either.

4. External interests – Women appreciate a man who cares about life outside himself, and takes interest or action in social, political, or environmental concerns. Caring about the local sports team doesn’t count, you need to display that you care for something above and beyond.

5. Masculine traits – Women love a manly man. Any way you can describe it in your profile, you’ll become more valuable to her. Remember, we are talking manly here, repairing a car counts, repairing your Playstation doesn’t. Climbing a mountain counts, playing Ultimate (sadly) doesn’t. Remember, illustrate each with an image filled description of a specific event!

Here are a few other traits that made the list:
- Upbeat, positive attitude
- Smiling in photos (this is massively important, guys!)
- Photos of you doing something fun/displaying a fun life
- Confidence without arrogance
- Passion or the pursuit of something (dreams, goals, aspirations)

Use this like a checklist, go over your profile and see how many of these you actually hit. If it isn’t all of them, it’s time to sit down and do a little more writing!

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Have you read Online Dating Profile Secrets? It's FREE. Go download it at http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Why you aren't attracting the women (or men) you really want...

2008-07-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

> > > READER QUESTION

“Hi Dylan,
Your book is FANTASTIC! I’ve been a pretty shy guy for most of my life, and I’m a little ashamed to admit that this is the first time I’ve ever really had an option with women. I’m 38, been divorced for 3 years, and just don’t like going out to bars. I was 100% dateless for a solid year before I tried online dating. I was lucky enough to find your book within the first month I started, otherwise I probably would have given up pretty quickly, so thank you!

I’m going on a steady 1 date per week, just because I don’t have time for more... I do get emails from about 4 or 5 new women a day, I just don’t have time to follow up on all of them. So, here’s my question... Since I’m short on time, how do I narrow down the specific qualities I want in a woman? I’ve made a list in my profile, but it hasn’t
changed anything.
Your advice is appreciated!”
-Harris C.
New Jersey

> > > MY RESPONSE

Harris! First, congratulations on success! Going from -0- women to 52 dates a year is excellent! Good work man!

Ok, forget what you’ve heard about writing lists from “The Secret” and other self-help stuff about attracting people... lists don’t work.

If anything, lists are going to kill the responses you are getting.

First, it’s going to turn off the people who don’t fit 100% of the categories on your list.
Second, it can make you look self-centered.
Third, no one ever... EVVVVER... reads a list and says “Hey, I’m exactly what he’s looking for, I’d better email him right away!” They are either interested in your profile or they aren’t, you list isn’t going to sway them one way or another.

Lists don’t magically attract your dream person.
So how DO you attract the person you want?

First, you need to forget about specific numbers.
28-32 years old?
120-130lbs?
5’7”-5’9”?
36-24-36?

NO!
BAD!

Numbers are limiters, not attractors...
You must start thinking about your dream girl in terms of PERSONALITY and LIFESTYLE. This is easier to attract through an online dating profile, and arguably will find you a much better match.

1- PERSONALITY
Think of the ideal girl for you in terms of what type of personality you are attracted to. What traits do you seek the most? Sweet and shy? Fun and wild? Serious and dependable? Figure out what you want the most... and instead of saying that’s what you are looking for... TALK ABOUT THAT TRAIT IN YOURSELF.

Wait, how does that work?
Simple. People are attracted to that which they see in themselves.

You want to attract the wild, crazy, adventurous type? You’d better be talking about the wild, crazy, adventurous times you have...

You want a sporty, athletic, fit woman? You’re profile better have some good descriptions of all the sports you play and the time you put in at the gym...

You want a girl who is a challenge? Then challenge her in your profile.

2- LIFESTYLE
Lifestyle follows the same rule, like attracts like. She is looking for a specific lifestyle, and in order to attract her, you need to present your lifestyle in the proper light.

Note: sorry you can’t lie about this one, as soon as she meets you in real life, it’s over... so no Ferraris & private jets to Monaco, ok? On the other hand, you can certainly play up the most attractive parts of your lifestyle and present them in the best light.

So...
You want someone who loves to travel and see the world? Talk about the last three trips you took.

You want someone who is into comic books or sci-fi? Talk about the last convention you went to.

You want someone who skis or snowboards? Talk about you favorite mountain.

This process of writing about your own traits and experience to match those that you want to find in a woman, is called MIRRORING. It is the basics attracting a specific type of woman though online dating. This is of course a very quick introduction to it, you can find a much more detailed explanation in Online Casanova: For Men, including how to attract a specific look/shape of woman, women in certain careers, etc...

You know the website by now: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Happy dating!
Dylan Alexander

PS. Quickly about the “look” thing, while you can narrow it down, you’ll exclude so many other women who you might be attracted to. I suggest letting all women of any “look” contact you, and then sort through the ones you find most attractive. It’s simpler that way and leaves you with better options to choose from.

How do you date younger women online?

2008-07-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

Dating younger women online is possible, but not always easy. Here's how:

> > > Question of the week:
“I am curious. I have been doing online dating for over a year now. Bought numerous programs, **** *’s and Dylan’s (Online Casanova). Both have very good points but prefer Dylan’s. I am 50, divorced, decent looking with a good sense of humor. I'm sure my profile could be better. Dylan, you asked if you could use it for a newsletter, (the one about "stop staring and read my profile".) It’s funny but maybe not quite good enough yet.
Here’s my problem. I have found it very difficult to get girls under 40 interested and even the ones closer to my age have really not been too attractive. I have been on Yahoo, match, and p.o.f.(www.plentyoffish.com) I have also been trying to learn in the past year not to be an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) so that when I do get a meet up I will keep up the attraction.”
-JGP, Oregon

> > > My response

Hey JGP!
Thanks for the props on the book. I’m still planning on doing a review of your profile in the newsletter, I’ve just been focusing on launching a new version of the website, so I’ve let the newsletters slack a bit. Another two weeks and they will be back up to speed.

So.... the younger women question...

By now you know the problem (as does every guy reading this) of trying to date much younger women online. They simply filter out older guys based on their perception of how much above their age they THINK they want to date. In real life, this is much easier to get past, as you can win a girl over with your charms before she even thinks about the age gap.

Online, it isn’t nearly as easy.

Here are the three options if you want to date younger women...

Option 1 – Lie
Don’t do this. It’s an option, sure, but don’t. You’ll almost never get past the first date once she realizes that you lied about your age.

Option 2 – Mirroring
If you’ve read Online Casanova, you know what Mirroring is. It’s the concept that people are attracted to that which they see in themselves. Free spirits are attracted to free spirits, corporate types are attracted to corporate types, artists are attracted to artists... etc....

So, all you have to do is to figure out what that younger woman sees herself as, and mirror it in your emails. Reflect her true identity. She will be yours.

Easy? Hell no. This is probably the most difficult option to get younger women. It also breaks the rule of congruency, which is that you must always be yourself, otherwise your first date is going to fail when she realizes that you aren’t who you suggested you were.

Here’s one of my posts on congruency:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/09/most-common-reason-you-flunk-first-date.html

For more on Mirroring, here’s a post on my blog that will help:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2008/02/attack-of-stuck-up-princesses.html

Option 3 – Offer her something unique
Here’s the truth... younger women date older men in real life... younger women often PREFER dating older men in real life.

Why? Because older men can offer them something that men their age can’t.
Here’s a short list of what you might have to offer a younger women:
* Class
* Culture
* Emotional honesty
* Expanding her world
* Understanding her

Women crave these traits in men, and almost NEVER get enough of them in men their own age. Even if they do, they can often get much more of it in an older man.

The first two traits, Class and Culture, are straightforward. Women are always attracted to these two. Why? Maybe it’s because they were brought up on Disney fairytales where the princess finds her handsome prince and lives happily ever after. A noble prince is always the mark of class and culture. (That’s just my crazy “drank too much coffee today” theory...)

Displaying this in your profile is a matter of personal reflection. If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you know you can’t just SAY “I’m classy and cultured,” you have to SHOW HER that you are classy and cultured. Put up a photo of you in a tuxedo, write about that art gallery you went to in Prague, or talk about how you volunteer for the local musical center charity. I find the photo of the tux works the best, in all honesty.

The last three points, emotional honesty, expanding her world, and understanding her, are all tied up in her emotional state. Emotion is the drug of choice for women. Remember, to draw women in, you need to mirror these traits out to her. So...

1) Speak honestly about your emotions (but do it in a manly way, don’t be a wuss)

2) Talk about how you’ve expanded your own world (in terms of class/culture/travel/lifestyle, etc...)

3) Read the subtext of her profile and speak directly to that. This is covered extensively in Online Casanova, and is one of the best online dating skills you can learn. The gist is that you read what she is really saying in her profile, and then mirror that back to her. She’ll be blown away by how you understand her for who she really is (no one ever does this online).

The last bit of advice in Option 3... is that you can’t pursue her. Women are super wary of older guys chasing them. Never make her think that you are after her, need her, or are trying to validate yourself by dating younger women. You’ve got to display this massive value to her, then let her come towards you. Think George Clooney or even Sean Connery on this one.

Give that a try, and remember this:
NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR AGE OR WHO YOU ARE!
If you make an issue out of it, it will definitely become a bigger issue for her. If she challenges you on it, blow it off.

If she pulls out “you’re too old for me” card, try the following:

“Yes... it would be a terrible scandal... everyone would talk. ;) ”

What woman doesn’t love a good scandal? That’ll catch her off guard. Then just keep going with your reply and never bring it up again.

Happy dating!
Dylan Alexander
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

PS. I should point out that if you are dating women more than 5 years younger than you, give yourself a pat on the back... 5 years difference is the age cap for most women online.

PPS. Free plug for my book! Get $10 off with this code: xk150s
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/salespage_men.php

Online Dating Tips For Women Now Available

2008-06-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Online dating tips for men have been my niche for the last year... but after spending about 5 months researching and testing, I'm proud to launch ONLINE CASANOVA - FOR WOMEN!

You can find more about Online Casanova - For Women here:

www.onlinecasanova.com

Tell all your girl friends!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

Online Dating Profile Help - Life Timeline Images

2008-06-18T11:50:00.001-07:00

Online dating profile help - Life Timeline Images

I have a new technique to offer you. This is not in the Online Casanova book (yet). It is something I’ve been testing over the last month on my own, with some solid results.

I’m calling the technique “Life Timeline Images”.

Here’s the theory:
Part of the difficulty in making a connection over the internet is getting the other person to perceive you as a live human being, not just as a new email in their inbox. When you are on a date in real life, this is easy, as they have a real live touchable version of you. When all they have are words, it is a little more difficult to do.

To compensate for this in your profile (if you follow the Online Casanova system) you create images of your life while sharing experiences. Usually this happens to be about the current state of your life, and stuff you’ve done recently.

I’ve been testing ways of taking this to a new level, and found that I get a much quicker and deeper connection with people reading my profile when I present them with an image of how my life has evolved through time.

Now, I do not mean you should write a calendar detailing your life! Don’t write “when I was six, I did... when I was ten, I did...” While that can work, it isn’t quite what I mean. I actually did try this several times with some results, but the method I’m going to show you will do much better.

When you write your profile, you choose (I hope) things to talk about based on the value they add to your reader’s perception of you. So you talk about what cool sports you play, your strong bonds with friends and family, or what wild adventures you have... which is good. But as I said, most people only refer to things from the last couple years of their lives.

I suggest you go deep. Bring something up from your childhood. Toss in an anecdote from your teenage years. Add in a great adventure from your 20’s. Build your reader a picture of you throughout your life. Add at least one experience from every decade of your life. Build the rest of your value from examples from your current life (the last year).

But don’t stop there! Look to your future as well. Talk briefly about where you want to be, what your goals are and what else you hope to achieve. Adding the future glimpse of your life gives the reader some perspective as to what they might expect to be a part of in the year(s) to come.

But don’t make your goals ridiculous, materialistic, or vague.
Bad example: "I want to be CEO of my own company and make a million a year. "
No one really believes this anyway.

Instead, make your future goals specific, detailed, and achievable.
Good example: "Next year I want to live in Cannes for two months while I finish writing my travel book. "
Ah, that’s something a little more concrete that people can visualize!

One additional note for the women... don’t talk about wanting to have kids. This usually hurts your profile response as men tend to interpret it as “I want babies NOW!”

So... create a life timeline in your profile and build up your reader’s perception of your past, present and future. This will make a huge difference in how they connect with you, and will make your profile stand out immensely above all others.

One more thought on this before I wrap it up... This technique also works very well in reverse! When writing to someone, ask them about their past, present, and future. You’ll get a much different picture about the person you are talking to than if you just ask them about what they did that day, or what they think about the local sports team of choice. Plus, having smart and interesting questions for them makes you look smart and interesting too!

This also works in real life when you are on a date, talking to your friends, or meeting someone for the first time!

Have fun out there.

Dylan Alexander
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

PS. I’d love to see examples of how you work a life timeline into your profile, or hear about how it has worked to improve your online dating. Feel free to write me back at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

What do you do for work?

2008-06-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

"What do you do for work?"

You already know it, but this is one of the most important questions (for her) she's going to ask you, and can radically swing her impression of you one way or the other.

Why is it so important to women anyway? Can’t they just love us for our mad bedroom skills and sweet comic book collections? Does she really want a sugar daddy to buy her stuff? Or does she want to know that we can support her and her six kids in luxury?

Fortunately, most of the time, the answer is “no” to all counts (again... most of the time). What she really wants to know when she asks us about our jobs, is whether or not we’ve got direction and purpose in our lives, and are not just floating along with a revolving door of McJobs. Direction and purpose are very attractive!

Wait, what if you are the CEO of Ferrari? No problem, you can tell her everything about how much money you make, the glamour and luxury that you will dote on her, and so on. Perfect? Hah... No.

There is a flip side... Most women don't want someone who thinks he can impress her with his job. That's ugly to women as well. They hate men who brag about their jobs and wealth.

Now, what really turns her on in the job department...
...is that you are passionate, purposeful and driven in the career of your choice...
...AND THAT YOU LOVE IT.

Loving what you do is one of the most important things you can tell her about your work.

I've written variations of the following on many occasions:

"Well, I should probably tell you what I do for work. Wait, you probably get a non-stop stream of guys trying to impress you like that. OK, I'm not going to fall into that category, so let me say this about my job. I love it, and look forward to it every day. And there are a whole lot of things you'll love about it too."

Or:

"And what do I do for work? Ah a great question. I'm absolutely in love with my job, honestly, it's been my dream job since I was about 14 or 15, and every day I check myself to make sure it's real. If I'm still doing this when I die (assuming it's a long time from now), I'll be pretty happy."

Of course, maybe you do have a crappy job, there are a whole lot of ways to spin it into something positive. In the Online Casanova book, I've got a huge section devoted to the many ways to spin things into a positive light.
Check it out at: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/ if you haven’t yet.

So what if you have a job that you hate?
Well, I’ve got three other options for you:

1) Talk about the strongest positive aspects of your job. This would be things such as the importance of your work, the respect you get from your peers, the great team you manage, and so on...

2) If that isn’t the case and you can’t find any strong positive traits to talk about, then instead talk about other work that you do love, but isn’t your day job. Maybe you are a freelance photographer or web designer on the side... Maybe you coach a local sports team... Maybe you volunteer as a bikini contest judge... Hey, a passion is a passion!

3) Last case scenario... do something about your dead end job! Seriously! Get the hell out of whatever soul killing career you are doing, and take something in a field you love, even if it is less money. Look, life is short, pursue your dreams, take chances... you’ve got nothing to lose and can always go back to your old job if it doesn’t work out.

Ok, ok, so you didn’t sign up for my work advice, back to online dating!

The moral of this newsletter is: speak passionately about everything you do, whether it is your job, sports, hobbies, etc... Women are much more attracted to a man who is full of passion for his life than a man who makes a lot of money. Well, except for gold diggers, but who wants them?

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Quick plug for my book! Check it out at:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Great online dating profiles are like great road trips

2008-05-29T06:39:00.000-07:00

Great online dating profiles are like great road trips.

Now, a great road trip can be a lot of things to a different people, so let me explain what I’m talking about, and how exactly, your profile should be like one.

1) No matter what anyone says, you do need some direction. Your destination can be fluid, but you always have to have somewhere in mind to keep pointing your car towards. Your profile is the same way. It needs to point to something. You are taking your readers on a journey through an image of your life, not just floating around a few vague points.

2) Every pit stop is an opportunity for some fun. If you are on a 2 or 3 day drive, and don’t take the opportunity to have some fun along the way, you won’t remember a damn thing about the trip. If on the other hand, you slow down and see “Utah’s biggest chicken” or the license place museum... those are going to be fun events that stay in your mind long after the trip is over. Your profile has be spruced up with the same fun events. It can’t just be your resume, it has to have some “local character”.

3) Every major stop... err... every paragraph, is a new place that has to offer the reader something new. If every city along the way was the same, it would be one boring trip. Each paragraph should be new and distinct, so the reader knows that if they keep going, they’ll keep getting to learn and see more.

4) Scenery is important. Interesting and diverse scenery is good. 1200 miles of plains is hell! In your profile, keep your scenery, and by scenery I mean descriptive stories and images, varied and interesting. You don’t have to go heavy handed, you just have to spice up each paragraph a little to keep the reader’s mind engaged.

Hope that helps you define your profile a little bit.
Now... my bags are packed, waiting by the door, and I’ve got a 1200 mile drive ahead of me (which is why this newsletter is so short) for some sun and surfing. Yes, I could have flown, but there’s something good seeing it all from the ground. What would you like me to bring you back? A little snowglobe with a pelican in it or a keychain, with a scorpion incased in resin in the handle?

Have a great weekend!

Dylan Alexander

PS. $4 a gallon? Argh!

PPS. http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Tips - The Opening Paragraph!

2008-05-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

Online dating profile tips are great and profile writing help for internet dating is easy to give...

But if someone doesn’t read your whole profile, what’s the point? Today, we’re going to focus right down on the opening paragraph, and how to build it so the reader gets sucked into your profile.

We start with a question:

***QUESTION***
Hey Mr. Online Casanova
I’ve been following your newsletter and advice for a while now and finally bought the Online Casanova book last week. Totally awesome. Each chapter was like a giant “aha!” moment! The strategies you gave me let me look at online dating in a whole new light, and I’ve re-written my profile from scratch.

One question for you though, in Online Casanova you talk a lot about representing your masculine value, and creating images. I think I’ve nailed the masculine value, but not sure really how to wok in images. Can you take a look at my profile and give me some feedback? Just want to make sure I’m on the same track.

Thanks! "
Berle, Vancouver, Canada

“It’s a beautiful day, skies are blue, and birds are chirping. I hope you find yourself in an equally good mood. So who am I? I come from a long line of white water rafters. My family has a tour company up in ******. While I work as a writer in the city most of the year, I take the summers off to go work as a guide on their boats. Yes I get some crazy pleasure out of pushing the boat past its limits, and watching tourists hang on for dear life!”

***Note: for space, I’ve just included the first paragraph*** -Dylan

***MY REPLY***

Berle!
For starters, thanks for buying the book, and thanks for writing. It’s always good to get feedback. Sure, I’d love to take a look at your profile, but for the sake of length in the newsletter, I’m only going to tackle the first paragraph here.

I’m glad to see you were paying attention, you’ve certainly got a way better opener than most people write. You write “in character”, presenting some personality, and speaking to the reader directly. You also display a very interesting slice of your life, one that most outdoorsy types will jump at (hell, I think it’s pretty cool too!) You also display a family connection, which is very important, and some very masculine traits too (guiding, keeping people safe, etc...)

So what is missing from this opening paragraph? As you suspected... images. Images are critically important in your profile because they give the reader a visual representation of what you are talking about.

IMAGES GET REMEMBERED!

Images also make a connection to the subconscious that triggers emotional reactions, creating... gasp... feelings!

For anyone who hasn’t read Online Casanova, there is an entire chapter just for creating feelings through images. Check it out at:
www.onlinecasanova.com/secrets.php

Back to Berle’s profile!
Besides images, there are a few other changes I’d make. First, I’d trim the fat just a little, as your profile doesn’t really take the reader anywhere until about the fourth sentence. Remember, reading your profile should be like a great road trip, every stop should bring new and exciting things. Never stand still fluffing it along.

And finally, I’d dose it with a little humor. Humor is critical in the first paragraph. If you can make someone laugh at the start, they will read everything you write, wanting more. They will also be more receptive to your words, as you’ve altered their emotional state for the better.

So let me take a little shot at re-writing the opening paragraph.

Headline: “Skies are Blue, Birds are Chirping, and the Water is White and Roaring!”

Profile:

“Wait, let me explain the white water!
My parents have a white water rafting company up in ******, and rafting has been in our family for generations. While I thrive in the heart of downtown as a writer during the dark parts of the year, I take the summers off to head up into the mountains to work as a guide on the family boats. Every weekend from June to August, you’ll find me between the oars of a giant yellow raft, a dozen city slickers hanging on for dear life, like ants on a stick, as I slam us all through white waves high over our heads. Do I get some twisted thrills out of scaring them? Absolutely! But they keep coming back... and I haven’t lost a single one... this week!”

So what did I do differently?
- First, I started with a headline that reflects the topic of the first paragraph. You want to keep everything flowing, and flowing from the headline into the profile will certainly help readers keep paying attention.

- The first line “Wait, let me explain...” is to get their curiosity. If you tells the readers “pay attention, because something cool is coming!” ...they will.

- I cut away everything and just jumped into the opening topic of rafting, just to keep it flowing quickly.

- I’ve kept everything about the family and guiding but tossed a few extra descriptive words in there, like “thrive in the heart of downtown” to give a value adding twist, “generations” for adding depth to the family and “dark parts of the year” for adding mood and contrast.

- I added a big descriptive sentence about rafting, being between the oars on a yellow raft, ants on a stick, white waves overhead, etc.. These visuals are short but very strong, and really help the reader picture and remember you.

-Finally, I added a dose of humor in the last line. “haven’t lost anyone... this week!” While it isn’t laugh out loud funny, it’s good for a smile and lets the reader know you have a sense of humor.

And that’s how you write a solid opening paragraph that draws readers in... and keeps them there! Back that up with 4 more paragraphs that display value, create connections, build comfort, and you’re pretty much guaranteed a full inbox of emails every day.

If you’ve gotten some value out of this, take a minute to go check out my website:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/
It has resources and articles on online dating that are leaps and bounds above the normal cheap advice you get for free on MSN and other “advice sites” that just rehash the same old boring rules. You can also preview chapters from my ebook there as well!

That’s it for today.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Don’t forget to take my Online Dating Aptitude Test here:
www.onlinecasanova.com/quiz.php

Funny Online Dating Profiles

2008-05-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Funny online dating profiles

Every once in a while, I read something that makes me laugh out loud. Here's one of the funniest profiles I've read in a while. Now, while it may not be the best profile, I've got to respect his attempt at humor.

Here it is:

I like to go camping. Do you like to go camping. Camping can be fun
I like to set up the tent while the female gets the food ready
Then I set up the camping mats and sip the sleeping bags together as the
female prepares the food
Then I make fire while female is amazed at fire making capability
The I cook food on fire that woman has prepared
Woman is happy I make tent and cook food
We go in tent when dark and do not fall asleep right away
Do you like that?

Come to think of it, I sure hope he's joking...
Anyway, I do not suggest anyone write a profile like that. Ever.

That's all for now. More later.

Dylan Alexander
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

PS. Here is the original:
http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/m4w/689812910.html

Funny online dating profile

2008-05-20T10:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Katullus for finding this one from http://xkcd.com/

Online Dating Profile Mistakes - She don't like cheese, man!

2008-05-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Online dating tips are always useful, but sometimes you need a dose of epic failure to remind yourself that you are indeed a normal human rather than a linguistic Lothario. There are lot of occasions where you will write something you think is brilliant, but it turns out to be a spectacular failure.

The online dating mistake we are going to talk about today is the “cheese factor,” where you write something that is so awful, it sends people running from your profile. One great example is in my previous blog post:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2008/05/bad-online-dating-profile-reviews.html
Here I analyze someone’s bad profile and point out his mistakes. One of the worst is this line:

“One tiny gold earring and neck chain adorn my toned body.”

Yes, I always say you should write images, but failed to mention that they cannot be cheesy. What the reader really learns from that line is “I’m tacky,” which as you might imagine, is bad. Really bad.

Did I already know this? Yes. Did I make the mistake anyway? Yes.

Here’s where I went wrong. This was actually a paragraph in Online Casanova under “descriptive & sensual writing.” I thought I had put together something sensuous that would get anyone reading it a little excited, with strong sexual images. Go ahead, read it.

“I don’t cook much, but when I do, the smell of spices will hit you before you even knock on my door. As soon as I open it, the aroma of beef roast in red wine will set you to salivating. One of my specialties, the beef is so tender that it comes apart as you put it in your mouth. Savory scalloped potatoes and bruschetta with plumb sauce will try and fill you, but you’ll need to save room for creamy strawberry cheesecake. So smooth you can swirl it around your tongue. The berries are crisp and juicy, and the sauce slowly dripping off as it tempts you to have another bite.”

Yeah, it’s pretty loaded with subtext. Too bad when my proofreaders (all women) got to it, they laughed their asses off. “There’s no way I’d keep reading the rest of a guy’s profile if he had this in it,” was the unanimous response.

Yes, it turns out that this is way too cheesy writing for a woman to read in a profile or an opening email. So be careful about what you describe and how you describe it. You aren’t writing a “Dear Playboy, I never thought it would happen to me, but...” type of letter. Keep it classy, keep it clean. Description is good, but tacky is bad.

For more on detailed descriptive writing (yes, I left all the good stuff in the book, hah!) check out:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/secrets.php

Now, there IS a time for this type of writing, but it is much later in the seductive email process. That however, is a topic for another day.

Happy Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Have you taken my online dating aptitude quiz? Check it out here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/quiz.php

Bad Online Dating Profile Reviews

2008-05-12T14:47:00.000-07:00

Bad Online Dating Profile Reviews...
...I keep getting forwarded links to bad online dating profiles by people who think they are funny. Sure, some are godawful, but others offer great learning experiences.

Today I'm going to dissect one, which has been sent to me a few times (hi Sharlyne!)

I'm not going to post the whole profile here, it's too big. Instead, I'll just piece by piece it. Here's a link to the original:
http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/m4w/673674646.html

The guy actually put a lot of time and effort into his profile. The problem is, he doesn't see how women see it. If he did, he'd do a whole lot of cutting.

Problem 1:
What if you could meet a guy with a secure government job and perfect kids?

First, this isn't a hook to open your profile with. It shows he doesn't know women or understand what they are looking for... Women don't care about a guy having a gov't job (unless it is political maybe), and generally aren't looking for a guy with kids unless they have some themselves. Although he pitches it nicely, this doesn't add any value to his profile.

Problem 2:
I attended my ex-wife’s cake ceremony at AA and shook her boyfriend’s hand.

This is a big red flag for women... did he drive her to drink?? No, probably not, but why put this in? First, never talk about an ex in your profile, it only lowers your value (unless it was Madonna), secondly, never talk about addictions... even if they aren't yours. This scares people! Third... why does the reader care about being friends with the ex's boyfriend? This is just dragging more baggage into a relationship that doesn't exist yet.

Problem 3:
I don’t like PG’s so I sleep in my birthday suit instead.

This is creepy. There's detail... and there's TOO MUCH detail. I showed this to several women, and all of them said that this was the point they'd stop reading.

Problem 4:
Four years of the preceding routine at the same address and it’s still all good.

The problem with this statement, is that the paragraph it references is all boring, mundane, day to day grind. Is selling 4 years of work, home, cook, clean, bed, do it over... a good thing? No, women want excitement, romance and adventure. Not the daily grind they are already living.

Problem 5:
One tiny gold earring and neck chain adorn my toned body.

This reminds me of something I read in "Penthouse Forum." Great in a romance novel? Maybe. Not so good in a profile. Creating images IS important, but you better make sure they aren't cheesy.

Problem 6:
My esthetician takes care of my hands and feet and other places in between.

Umm... WHAT THE HELL??? Is the esthetician giving "happy endings"? If this creeps me out, it will definitely send women running. Also... being "metro" and having an esthetician is just too girly these days. A few years ago, maybe. I do my nails with my Leatherman Charge or just scrape 'em off against a brick wall while I walk.

Problem 7:
I prefer to go to Safeway in January with bare feet and sandals because my feet don’t get cold.

This just screams "I'm weird." There's such a thing as too honest.

And there you go. Seven big red flags in his profile. I could dissect it more, but those are the deal breakers for most women. The guy isn't bad looking, although he could use a "cleaner" photo. I tried emailing him twice to give him some personal feedback, but it bounced. Well, maybe he'll stumble across this blog.

Anyway...
...don't make these mistakes!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Everyone of these mistakes are covered in Online Casanova! Check it out:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Does Double Your Dating Work Online

2008-05-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

"Does Double Your Dating Work Online?"
Best online dating headline I've written in a long while!

Sorry for the bait 'n switch, but this topic is about headlines, not Cocky/Funny!

I was skimming Plenty Of Fish recently, saw a Google Adword ad for Double Your Dating (an excellent book on dating for men by David DeAngelo) and had some inspiration. I popped on Craigslist, my site of choice for testing out new headlines, since readers don't get to see a thumbnail of your pic, just your headline only, and put up a quick profile.

I tried the following variations:

"Double Your Dating Scam"
"I just read Double Your Dating"
"Does Double Your Dating Work On Women"
and a bunch of others... with mild results.

"Does Double Your Dating Work Online" was the only one that pulled strong results, just because it grabs people's sense of curiosity! Of course, you've got to back it up with a fantastic opening paragraph, as your are essentially pulling a bait & switch on them (oops, like I did with you!) This is where you'd lose most readers, so your content has to be great.

Now, I should point out, Double Your Dating is a solid book for men who are getting back into the dating scene. I don't have any business ties to them, so you'll have to go find it on your own. :p

And finally... you never know what is going to make an excellent headline! Look for opportunity everywhere.

Check out my main site for further details about creating knockout headlines that suck people into reading your online dating profile.
http://www.onlinecasanova.com

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

Craigslist Online Dating Tips & Secrets

2008-05-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

Craigslist online dating tips & secrets are something I get asked for a lot.

You know... http://www.craigslist.org/

It gets something like 2 million personal posts every month (total, not per city, obviously).

I hate Craigslist.

No, no... believe me... I really do. The whole site is a trainwreck in progress. If it wasn't for one thing, I would never use Craigslist.org again...

You can meet TONS of FANTASTIC people on Craigslist!

So as much as I hate it, I love it too. Here are some basic tips on Craigslist personals:

* Only use it if there is actually some traffic in your city. It's a legend in some places, and unknown in others. If it isn't getting at least half a dozen posts in the w4m (women seeking men) section every day, move on. (by comparison, CL: New York gets over 100 w4m posts and 500 m4w posts per day).

* If you use it, your headline better be a razor sharp fishing hook, not a lame pickup line. Nowhere is more critical to have a good profile headline than Craigslist.

* Have a picture or don't bother. People look at the posts that have pictures attached 8x more than the ones that don't. No pic = epic fail.

* Read some of the profiles that your competition are putting up. Some of them are so bad they are funny. It'll give you some encouragement to write a brilliant profile.

* Read the profiles of the people that don't have photos, not just the ones that do. I've often been pleasantly surprised later, many attractive people don't put pics up because they don't want to be recognized there. Also, they get about 10% of the mail that people with photos get, so you have much less competition!

Here's one more big warning for Craigslist:
I'm going to suggest you not waste your time replying to the posts of women who have HOT PHOTOS. Why? Because most of the women with attractive photos on CL are porn companies, or spammers. You'll get one or two generic emails from her, then something like: "Oh, I've moved to a new place to chat, check out: blahblahblah...." And then you've wasted a ton of your time writing brilliant emails to the bastard running the porn site.

If you do write emails, and certainly there are many women worth emailing there, you need to deliever a knockout first email. Re-read the chapter in Online Casanova about perfect first emails: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

Online dating profile ideas needed? Try "What Not To Wear"....

2008-04-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

Online dating profile ideas? Try talking about What Not To Wear. No, not what not to wear... What Not To Wear... the TLC show about repairing people's broken fashion sense.
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html

Why? Why on earth am I... a guy... sending you guys to watch What Not To Wear and talk about it in your internet dating profile?

It'll get you girls... guaranteed!

Am I drunk?

Well.......... Hey, do you want my advice or not?!?

Here's why What Not To Wear is good for your profile:

* It displays to the women reading your profile that you are interested in style. This is a huge display of value to women! Every girl wants a guy with a sense of style.

* It shows that you aren't afraid to talk about watching a "girlie" type show!

* There's a good chance that she likes it too, giving you some space to create commonalities.

There are other shows that this works for of course, but I'll leave that up to your personal taste. If you've found any that work well, feel free to email them to me!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Find more online dating advice at:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com

Online dating profile proofreading tips?

2008-04-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

This may sound like the dumbest headline you’ve ever read, but if you are like most people, you probably don’t really read your own profile. Sure, you proofread it, checking for spelling mistakes (I HOPE!) but you don’t actually read it as if you were a total stranger checking you out for the first time.

Sure, that’s hard to do, after all you are somewhat biased in favor of your profile, aren’t you? It is the masterpiece that is going to bring you your dream date, right?

Here are some tips to proofreading your profile...

1)
Does your profile show any personality? Read it and see if your personality comes through in your words. It needs to, as your profile has to be an extension of who you are, and a little bit of personality goes a long way in online dating. Otherwise, she will get bored reading it.

2)
Is the personality it shows reflective of who you really are? Your profile has to be YOU. It can’t be your James Bond alter ego and it can’t be an isolation of only one aspect of you. It has to be a broad look at you. Of course, it can be the BEST parts of you... but it still has to be accurate. Otherwise she will feel cheated when she meets you.

3)
Do you have a lot of strong visuals? Visualization leads to emotion and action. Do you describe yourself and your life visually through stories and images? Or do you do it in boring, bland adjectives like: I’m smart, funny, confident, rich, etc... that are guaranteed to make her move on to the next guy?

4)
What do you display of value to your reader? Remember, she’s here looking for what SHE wants, so the only important things in your profile are the ones that she will care about. Of everything you’ve written about yourself, what displays your inherent value as a man? If something doesn’t, it should be replaced.

5)
Do you help the reader contact you at the end? It is a stumbling block for a lot of online daters, so make sure you help them email you by including some motivation. Give them a short list of things you would like to know about them (choose wisely!) or maybe offer them a few tips on things they can ask you more about. Don’t simply write “if you like what you read, email me,” or most of your candidates will move on.

Now get writing!

Dylan Alexander

PS. I’m not going to be condescending by adding "spellchecking" to the list. That would be stupod.

PPS. Sales pitch time... I’ve got a 127 page book filled with tips and techniques like this. You know the website: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Profile Quick Fix

2008-04-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

Online dating profile mistakes are something I go on about a lot. People often ask me about quick fixes for their profiles and usually I tell them to suck it up and put the time in to write something good.

But you are a loyal reader so I’m giving you the quick fix!

In the selection process of dating or anything else, people have a “That’s for me” moment, where it becomes clear in their heads that they want the person they are looking at.

What’s the best way of pushing someone into a “That’s for me” moment?

VISUALIZATION!

Visualization leads to action.

Ever go shopping for a new car and had the sales person say, “Couldn’t you just see yourself tearing down the road in this new Corvette?” And then you see it in your head and it looks goooood.

I do this in every profile I write. First, everything I describe, I do in the form of a story that the reader can visualize.

Instead of saying “I like snowboarding,” I’ll write:
“Every other weekend in the winter, as the sun comes up over the mountains, you’ll find me sitting on the ski lift, 165 K2 Nemesis strapped on, iPod of cruising tunes plugged in, just waiting to hop off and drop into 10cm of fresh powder.”

This is an immensely better way of describing yourself. Creating images of your life makes all kinds of unconscious links with the reader and actually proves what you are saying. It sure beats “I like snowboarding.”

The second type of visual you want to create, is one that includes your reader. You are specifically painting them into your life to push them into that “That’s for me” moment.

Here’s an example:
“My perfect lazy Sunday would probably be you and I going for an early morning walk or rollerblade around the waterfront. We could pick up a couple ice creams and lay around the beach for an hour after, making little sandcastles. After that, head back home to relax in the back yard with our favorite books in a hammock made for two.”

The whole paragraph is designed to get the reader to picture themselves in your life, and to come out of it thinking “Yes, I’d like that!”

There, that’s my one big giant profile fix that you can do right now!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you’ve got the Online Casanova book, you’ll find many more examples of this that you can “borrow” for your own profile.
You can find it here:
www.onlinecasanova.com

Online dating profile length – how long should it be?

2008-04-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

How long should an online dating profile be?

“Hey Dylan, got your book and have used it as a point by point reference to put together a new profile. It’s fantastic, you gave me ideas I never would have come up with on my own and I’ve seen a big change in my results in the last week alone. Probably triple. I’m going to keep testing new stuff and keep improving it. One question though... how long should my profile be? Thanks, and hugely looking forward to the next newsletter!” JPD – Toronto

Hey JPD!
Thanks for the kind words, I love hearing that the book has made a difference.

To answer your question, how long should your profile be...

You’ve heard the KISS philosophy? Keep It Short and Simple?

FORGET THAT!

Short is BAD!

Reality check... We men like things short and simple. We tend to have short attention spans. I’m checking in on the latest news about Grand Theft Auto IV as I write this! Seriously!

Women on the other hand.... WANT DETAILS!
You’ve listened to women talking on the phone, swapping life stories in absolute detail. They love it, crave it, need it, adore it. So give them material! You are trying to paint them a picture of your life, you can’t do that in 2 paragraphs.

Here’s what I do:
I choose about 5 or 6 topics from the “Critical Topics That Attracts Women” list. I give each of those topics about 4-6 good sentences, usually in the form of a story to illustrate it. That makes for about 400-500 words.

Holy crap, 400+ words? Who the hell do I think I am, your friggen English teacher from Grade 10? Well... let me tell you this... I’ve tested short profiles and I’ve tested long profiles. And I’ve tested really really long profiles (in the 1000+ word range). 400-500 quality words is the magic number I’ve found.

Remember, you want to hit on at least 5 topics that she CARES about (ie. not your favorite albums and definitely not your favorite football team!) Each one needs to be illustrated in depth using examples or stories (not just adjectives!) This takes time and a bit of though, but it will be well worth it.

Remember how much time and money you put into going out to a bar or club to meet women... Investing an hour or two into writing (and re-writing) a great profile is going to pay much better dividends.

Happy Online Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Don’t forget to maximize the amount of photos you can put up. It makes a huge difference (as long as they are GOOD photos!) in how deeply a woman will connect with you.

PPS. For the list of Critical Profile Topics that Attract Women... go check out my website http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

How To Spot Fake Online Dating Photos

2008-03-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

Online dating horror stories always include one common theme... misleading photos!

Regardless whether you are a man or a woman, you’ve probably experienced it to some extent. You show up to meet someone you found online for a drink and your date doesn’t look anything like the picture they sent you. Maybe their charming personality wins you over... or maybe it doesn’t. Regardless, you are disappointed that they are more “not” than “hot”.

There are a few common ways people mislead you with photos.
1) They use out of date photos from a time that they were younger and more attractive.
2) They use photos that conceal the unattractive areas of themselves
3) They use photos of totally different people.

Out Of Date Photos
Using out of date photos seems completely ethical for some people, after all, they still feel young and to them, it is who they still are, even though they may have added 40lbs and wrinkles...

Extremely out of date photos are a little easier to spot, watch for the following:
-Out of date clothes.
-Out of date hair cuts or makeup.
-“scanned” film print images, as opposed to ones taken with a digital camera.

More recent out of date photos (within a few years) are much more difficult to spot.

-Look for inconsistencies in personal descriptions, such as someone describing they have short hair, but in the photo it is long.

-Look for broad variations between photos, for example weight changes or style changes over photos.

You can always ask when the photos were taken to be safe, just do it tactfully.
“Interesting photo! Where were you when it was taken? Really? Cool. How long ago was that?”

Concealing Photos
Before you read this section, you should know that I used to be a professional photographer. My main work was sports, but I did my share of portraits as well (like the cover of the Online Casanova book!) I worked with a lot of first time and “average girl” models where I had to do a lot of the work to make them look their best. Thus, I present to you the following ways that people “cheat” their photos to look much sexier. Watch out for:

-Photos take from a high angle looking down. These would be ones where the person takes a self portrait by holding the camera over their head pointing down and looking up into it. This makes the head prominent in the photo, making the body look much smaller by comparison. It also stretches out all the extra skin in the neck area, making the face look slimmer.

-Any photo where the face is cropped. The front of the face itself doesn’t really reveal how heavy someone is but the cheek/neck shows a lot. A tight crop showing only the eyes/nose/mouth/chin is one of the most obscuring photos out there.

-Photos lit from behind to just illuminate the silhouette of the face. This is a great photographer’s trick to bring out just the key features of someone’s looks, while keeping the not so hot parts hidden in the shadows.

-Headshots, showing just the head and shoulders aren’t always a warning sign. It only becomes a warning sign if the person says they don’t have any more photos of themselves. Everyone has at least one full or half body shot sitting on their computer. The excuse is the red flag.

Concealing Photos with Photoshop
Ah Photoshop... I love you. You make my hair richer, my skin smoother, my teeth whiter and my eyes sparkle. Look, if women can use makeup to make their lips richer and fuller, their eyes more sultry and seductive, and hide all their skin flaws for pictures... then I’m sure going to do as much of the same in Photoshop!

But what I won’t do is use Photoshop to actually change what I look like (I use the old fashioned gym for that, sigh). For people who do use Photoshop to reshape themselves, look out for the following signs:

-Sections of the photo which appear smudged or streaked, indicating that certain tools have been used to manipulate that area.

-Duplicated parts of the photo, which betray that someone has “cloned” an area and pasted it over another in order to mask something.

-A difference in the overall texture of the photo. If a photo is “noisy” or grainy all over, but strangely smooth in one area, it indicates that someone has done some sloppy Photoshop work in that section.

Now, there probably aren’t many people actually doing this, I’m just giving you a cautious heads up.

Using Photos Of Other People
This is pathetic enough that you should pity the person who feels they have to do this in order to attract someone. How could you ever trust someone in a future relationship when they wouldn’t even use their own face to meet you online?

Detecting these photos is very difficult, after all, someone could just browse Myspace profiles until they see a full set that depicts a full and sexy life and copy them all. The good news is that as online dating becomes more socially acceptable, there are proportionally fewer people stealing photos. However, keep an eye out for the following:

-Inconsistencies between written physical descriptions and the photos (eyes, hair, height, weight).

-Inconsistencies between locations (if you are dating in a desert area and someone’s photos all have pine trees in the background).

If you get the faintest hint that someone may be doing something shady with their photos, here are a few methods of busting them:

-Ask for photos that would show something from their written profile. If they have a dog, ask to see a picture of them holding their dog. EVERYONE with a pet has one of those! If they refuse, be suspicious.

-Probe for details about when/where their photos were taken, or about other details in the photos. If they ignore the question, that’s a big red flag.

-The deal maker/breaker: Ask them to go take a photo with their digital camera holding up a sign that says “Hi...” with your name written on it. Few people have the skills to fake this in Photoshop.

Ultimately, if someone really wants to fool you, they probably will. The good news is that, if you follow my rule of going on a date after 3-5 emails, you won’t have wasted too much of your time writing to them if they turn out to look different than their photos.

Happy online dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. As usual, a little reminder that my book with actual techniques and tactics for online dating can be found at www.onlinecasanova.com

How To Act Online And On A Date

2008-03-05T15:34:00.000-08:00

“Hi Dylan
I bought your book and it is unlike any online dating book I’ve read. You actually teach people stuff instead of dishing the same old crap like “comment on something in her profile” and “talk about your likes.” I’ve only started using the tips from the first 4 chapters and it’s made a huge difference in my online dating game.
One question... how do I act on a date?” J.H.

Hey JH! Glad you are getting some serious use out of the book. I built it to teach people a system to actually attract people while online dating and didn’t just compile a bunch of tips. Keep applying it, your results are just going to keep going up and up!

To answer your question (this is actually covered in the 2nd last chapter of the book), you need to act on a date exactly the same way that you “behave” online. If you are a cocky and playful guy online, you’d better be that way in real life. If you are a cool, mellow guy online, you’d better be that guy in real life. Remember, if you aren’t the same guy you presented yourself as, she’s going to be disappointed and feel cheated. And if she feels cheated, in her mind the date is already over.

So this comes down to a little lesson in self awareness and honesty. Don’t present yourself online as anything but who you really are. Sure, you want to present the SEXIEST parts of who you are... but don’t fake being anything you aren’t.

For example: yes, you could write the most dead sexy James Bond meets Han Solo profile any girl’s ever read... but it wouldn’t do any good because as soon as you got that girl on a date, she’d realize you were full of shit. Once her trust was broken, it’d be a huge battle to win it back. Remember how honesty is one of the top traits that women like?

You make two impressions on a girl, the first impression with your online profile/first email, and the second impression when you meet on a first date. The second impression has to reinforce everything that she got from the first impression. This is one of the big reasons so many guys never get past the first date with a girl they met online.

So there’s your answer. Be who you really are, both online and in real life, just put the sexiest parts forward first.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you haven’t gotten a copy of Online Casanova, you can find it here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Great Online Dating Headlines

2008-02-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

Great online dating headlines can go a long way to getting you results!

Usually I try to give you techniques or tactics that can help you improve your online dating skill. This week, I’m just going to feed you a handful of my favorite headlines, ones that have worked well for me in the past. Because I do a lot of dating on Craigslist, where readers ONLY see your headline, not your photo, I’ve spent a lot of time coming up with unique ones. I’m sharing some variations of my favorites from last year with you now. Use them at will. Enjoy!

“Help! Trapped on a deserted island, please send the following supplies:”
This headline snags readers due to its uniqueness, but be careful not to follow it up with just a list or they will get bored quickly.

“I’m trying to decide between these two photos, need your opinion!”
Yes, opinion openers sometimes work well as headlines! Just make sure you back it up with some great photos. This also works well in getting women to talk to you even if you have a weak profile.

Oh, if you want 8 ways to make a great online dating photo, here's my full article:

http://www.onlinecasanova.com/online-dating-photo-tips

“I know the difference between THEIR, THERE and THEY’RE!”
Quality women are sick of guys who write poorly. Talk to any intelligent girl online dating, they all like to complain about it. This headline will get you smart girls, just proofread the hell out of your profile or you will lose them just as quickly.

“RE: RE: RE: Searching For The Perfect Guy in this city!”
Ok, this is a little trick that works great on Craigslist... People always read anything that starts with “Re:” because it looks like you are replying to someone else’s post. Replies like this are often flamers ripping on bad posts... and everyone loves some drama! So yes, you are faking being a reply to another post, but believe me, your profile will get read! You had better open with a great line though.

“Only MORONS believe in The Secret”
Ok, this is RISKY! This will get your profile read by a lot of women (since The Secret is pretty high up on the “chick crack” list). By slamming it, a whole lot of women are going to read what you have to say. I ran my whole profile, then at the end wrote “PS. You are probably waiting for me to say something about why I think The Secret is for morons... The movie fails to point out that positive thinking has to be backed up by hard work, but the masses don’t want to hear that part.. Napoleon Hill’s book is much better.”

Here's my actual full article on using The Secret/The Law Of Attraction in online dating:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/the-secret-the-law-of-attraction-and-online-dating

There you go! Five new headlines to try that I’m pretty sure you won’t see anywhere out there (although that may change now!) Of course, these headlines will only get someone to look at your profile. From there, you’d better have some solid text and a great photo to finish the job, otherwise you still won’t get any replies. You are only as hot as the weakest link in your profile.

Now, if you want some laughs and some groans, make sure you read my list of the worst online dating headlines:

http://www.onlinecasanova.com/Online-dating-headlines

That’s it for this week, hope you’ve found these online dating tips helpful!

Cheers!

Dylan

PS. You can find my full ebook with all my online dating profile secrets and examples of what has worked for me here: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/books

PPS. If you don’t know, Craigslist is http://www.craigslist.org/ The personal sections for most major North American cities get a ton of traffic, sometimes too much. Anyway, I like it.

Online Dating Email Mistakes

2008-02-14T14:44:00.000-08:00

In Online Dating, email mistakes will kill you. How many emails have you written to women, without responses? Probably lots. But that’s Ok, I have too! However, once you understand the main reasons WHY she doesn’t write you back, you’ll be able to ramp up your email game and start to get a lot more replies!

Here are the six most common online dating email mistakes you will make.

1. You didn’t get her attention.
She gets a TON of emails. Hot women on busy sites can get easily over a hundred a day. That’s some serious competition! If you don’t get her attention fast, you’ll be forgotten instantly and she’ll move on without replying. And how do you do it? Be interesting, insightful, interested in her and funny as hell!

For other tips on how to write an email, go here:

http://www.onlinecasanova.com/dynamic_emails.php

2. She thinks you are shallow.
Hot women know that most guys are just contacting them because they are hot. As much as it’s an ego boost for them, knowing you think they are hot doesn’t them any real reason to write you back.
-Don’t ask for sexier photos of her.
-Don’t kiss her butt and tell her how hot she is over and over.
-Don’t ask her how much she weighs... EVER.
-Don’t ask for body shots of her (until several emails later)

There are tons of guys that do nothing but this. Don’t be one of them.

3. Your photo sucks.
I’m not saying YOU suck, just that YOUR PHOTOS suck. It doesn’t matter how great your email is, if your picture makes you look like a sack of crap, you aren’t getting a response. Before you start worrying about your looks, there are two things you need to know... First, a bad photo will make the hottest guy look ugly. Second, the right photo can make you look great. One great photo will make or break your online dating results.
Repeat after me “I will get a professional to take a headshot photo of me.”

For rules of how to have a great online dating photo, go here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/dating_photos.php

4. You were crass, rude or sexual.
A lot of things can turn a girl off, but few like being crass, rude or sexual. She’s a woman, not one of your buddies, so don’t try to get her attention by shock value. Yes, it works from time to time, but for the most part she’ll just delete your email.

-Don’t use any four letter words... you know the ones I mean.
-Don’t ask her what her favorite sex position is.
-Don’t ask her about her erotic fantasies.
-Don’t ask if she has any nude photos.

She gets enough of those emails every day.

5. You throw up her red flags.
She doesn’t want your baggage and insecurities. She definitely doesn’t want to hear you crying about them in your email. So forget even mentioning your ex, your problems, your addictions, your failures or your insecurities... Never email her more than once before she replies, you aren’t going to change her mind by looking needy.
-Don’t email her more than once in between her replies.
-Don’t talk about your exes.
-Don’t talk about the bad dates you have had.
-Don’t talk about why you think online dating sucks.

Besides, your potential partner will have lots of time to figure out what they don’t like about you on your first date! (That’s a joke people!)

6. She’s just not that into you.
No matter what you do, some girls just aren’t going to be that into you. Maybe she only dates short dorky poor guys, maybe you remind her of her brother, you’ll probably never know.

If you present yourself in your best light, have a great photo, display your personality and value as a man... and she still doesn’t email you back? It’s her, not you.

On the other hand, if your profile isn’t polished to perfection, you don’t have the best photo you could possibly have, and you aren’t writing emails that shine like diamonds against coal... you’ve got some work to do.

Where to start? First, sign up for my weekly online dating tip newsletter.

Then get yourself a copy of Online Casanova here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

Attack Of The Stuck Up Princesses

2008-02-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

(Disclaimer: The girl on the left is in no way a stuck up princess. She's a very nice, very kind person who does a lot of work for charities... She just looks like a stuck up princess in the photo. Purely a coincidence to the headline!

A friend of mine asked me to review his online dating profile and asked what he was doing wrong... because the only girls that seemed to reply to him were stuck up princesses.

I answered instantly.
“If the girls you are getting are stuck up princesses... it’s because you are coming off as a stuck up prince.”

Here’s today’s online dating tip:
You Get What You Give.

If you write an online dating profile that is confident to the point it borders on arrogance...
If you write in a sense that places you on a pedestal above average men...
If you focus specifically on what a high value man you are...
If you are just a Prince without the Charming...
...You are going to get stuck up princesses.

Why?

Because people are attracted to that which they see in themselves!

So how do you attract the type of woman you want? Here’s a big mistake a lot of people make, they’ll write a shopping list something like the following in their profiles:
“I’m looking for a fun, 20-30 year old blonde, curvy but athletic, who is easy going and loves music.”

I can guarantee you one thing... No girl EVER reads a profile and says “oh my god, I’m a fun 20-30 year old blonde, curvy but athletic, easy going, and I love music! Holy shit, I’d better email this guy right away! I’m exactly what he is looking for!”

The truth is, no one cares about what YOU are looking for, they only care what THEY are looking for! The stuck up princess doesn’t read your shopping list about wanting a girl that’s fun and loves music! They are just naturally attracted to the stuck up prince because it is a mirror of who they are themselves!

So how do you get the person you really want?

First, you need a real dose of honestly about yourself. Who are you really, behind all the BS and macho factor? What do you love in life, what are your true passions? What are your critical values in life? What does your sense of humor get the best laughs at?

These are the things you need to write about in order to get the woman THAT IS THE RIGHT MATCH FOR YOU! When she reads you profile, she will see herself reflected in your words and be attracted to that. The more true to yourself you are in your profile, the more good matches you will find.

Now, there could be the possibility that you want to attract a completely different type of woman, just for the fun of it. To do that, you first have to analyze what that girl would see as her most important/attractive traits, and then you write about those things in yourself. So if you want to attract a young, fun party girl, you want to talk about the young/fun/party aspects of your life. If you want to meet the corporate/executive minded woman, you need to bring out similar aspects of your life. If you want to meet a free spirited hippy type girl, you need to... well, you get the idea.

Ultimately, just make sure you understand that if you present anything other than who you really are, you are BSing yourself and lying to her. It’s just another form of manipulation. Sure, you can get results... until you go on a date with her and she realizes you aren’t who she thought you were. But then again, I’m not here to judge, I’m just here to tell you how it works!

So if you aren’t getting the type of women who are well matched to you, take a serious look at your profile and ask yourself... “Is this really me?”

Happy Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. You can of course find more articles, advice, AND MY BOOK (hint hint!) on my website:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Photo Advice - How to have a great dating photo

2008-01-29T11:14:00.000-08:00

How to have a great online dating photo...

Online dating photos are important, but you know this already. You know that a profile with a photo gets opened 8x more than one without. You know that an email with a photo attached gets read first. There’s no question about those things anymore, that’s old news. What I really want you to understand is the power of having a GREAT photo.

Everyone has photos these days, but fortunately, most people still use bad photos. A bad photo can make you look terrible, no matter how hot you are in real life. A great photo will attract people, no matter what you look like.

Amongst the adventures I’ve had in life, one of them was working as a professional photographer. I now shoot only for sport, but am happy to be able to share with you some rules of having a great photo for online dating.

Rule 1: Be well lit
A well lit face jumps out of the picture, a face in shadows hides from the viewer. Believe it or not, this has a huge different on how people interpret your character. If you post a photo of yourself taken in a dark basement without using a flash, you’ll come across as a low energy/low value person. If you are well lit and bright, you’ll come across as high energy/high value (read: FUN) person. No one looks good when they are so underexposed you can’t even see their eyes.

TIP: Use a photo taken outside with natural light, but force your camera flash on (called fill flash) so that it fills out any shadows on your face made by the sun.

Rule 2: Use a real camera
A common trend I see in younger online daters is self portraits taken with cell phone cameras in front of bathroom mirrors, and “at my computer” shots taken with web cams. There are two problems. One is that these settings usually aren’t well lit. The other is that cell phone cameras and web cams produce terrible picture quality. They are grainy noisy pictures that in general make you look bad. To someone who reads between the lines, they make you look too cheap to get a real camera.

TIP: If you don’t own a real digital camera, you have a friend that does. Tell them you need some photos, most people are happy to play amateur photographer with their toys.

Rule 3: Pay attention to the background
People look at everything in your photo, not just you. If your house is a mess, it reflects poorly on you. Women especially notice details, so pay attention guys. If you’ve got a couple empty bottles of vodka in the background, it looks like you party too much. If there are other people in your photo, who they are is going to reflect on you. For women, this means that you might want to reconsider posting photos with your scantily clad girlfriends. For guys, you might want to reconsider posting photos of you and any girl who looks like a girlfriend.

TIP: Since people read into every detail in your photo, you can increase your value by using a photo taken somewhere interesting or cultural. Photos in museums make you look cultured, photos in exotic locations make you look adventurous.

Rule 4: Dress well!
This rule is hugely overlooked. You are judged by your appearance and that includes your clothes. Plus the fact that the right clothes can make someone look considerably more attractive, while improperly fitting or poorly matched clothes will make you look worse. Remember, keep some congruency with who you are. If you never ever wear a suit in real life, you might not want to represent yourself as a suit wearing guy. Girls, if you don’t want guys to think you are promiscuous and easy, don’t post party photos of you wearing revealing clothes.

TIP: Dress to impress. You basically can’t overdress (within good taste) and the better dressed you are, the higher value you will appear.

Rule 5: Eye Contact
Regardless of the setting, one thing you must be doing in your picture is making eye contact with the viewer. If you are getting your picture taken specifically for online dating, look directly into the camera lens every time (unless for artistic reasons the photo absolutely demands otherwise). You’ve heard this before and it’s definitely cliché, but... your eyes are a window into your soul... even over the internet. People need to make that connection with you in order to be attracted to you. When they can’t see your eyes, there will be a level of intimacy lacking in your picture, and that is something that is crucial for building attraction.

TIP: Make sure your eyes are visible and not in the shadows. See Rule 1.
TIP: Take off the sunglasses for your photos. You aren’t Bono or Jennifer Lopez and as much as you believe it does, it doesn’t make you look cool or famous. At best it blocks that critical eye connection, at worst it makes you look insecure.

Three more tips!
1) ALWASY INCLUDE YOUR PHOTOS! Despite how common it is, we are all still a little afraid of being recognized internet dating, and thus we never want to send our photos out first. But the people who let their photos be seen by all get the best responses. When you don’t send a photo the only thing you get is ignored! One of the most common things people write in their profiles is “no pic, no reply,” and yet they haven’t even posted a photo of themselves first!

2) Don't forget to SMILE IN YOUR PHOTOS! Your smile is one of the greatest natural ways to seduce someone online. You can read a blog entry about that here:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/10/greatest-aphrodisiac.html

3) Another option (and arguably your best option) is to simply HIRE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER. You can read my blog entry about that here:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-to-get-great-online-dating-photo.html

Happy Online Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you have online dating questions, or want to know something specific about attracting women online, feel free to email me through the link on the right.

Email Writing Tips: how to be funny and interesting!

2008-01-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

This week, a question from one of my long term readers:

“Hi Dylan:
A thought and response to your latest weekly e-mail. Specifically the following quote:
"write an email that catches her attention by being interesting, insightful and funny."
Give an example of one such e-mail, better yet, give a before and after version.
Here is my challenge to you: Take an average e-mail, that was sent out and then re-edit it with a commentary afterwards.” - JN

Hey JN!
Well, like all real men out there, I can’t turn down a challenge, dare, double dare, etc... However, you didn’t send me an average email to re-edit, so I’ll just start with your average bad email. It goes something like:

“Hi, I saw your profile and you are really cute! I like your hat in that picture, it’s really nice, where did you get it? Anyway, come take a look at my profile and if you like what you see, email me!”

This email can be broken down into three parts. Crap. Crappier. Crappiest.

Sentence 1: Crap
Average guy saying an average thing. If you’ve been a long time reader, you’ll know that “cute” is one of the words I’ve banned from your vocabulary as a future Online Casanova. (The others are Hot, Sexy and Nice) It’s so... average. And average is death.

Sentence 2: Crappier
“I like your hat” is a good example of the bad online dating advice given out by MSN and Yahoo online dating “experts” (COUGH). They say “find something in her profile or photo and ask her about it.” That’s great if you want to be her friend, but it doesn’t make any kind of connection, so forget that nonsense. I’ll tell you what to ask about in a minute when I’m doing making fun of the bad email.

Sentence 3: Crappiest
95% of bad first emails end with “come take a look at my profile”. You want to end your email with a command, not a request. Salesmen and marketers call it a “call to action”, like “BUY NOW!” Whatever... anything is better than a passive and wussy “come look at my profile.” You’d honestly be better off ending it with “zombie monkeys are eating my fingers as I type, email me back or they’ll finish me off!” Actually, I kind of like that. Anyone want to test this one for me?

SO...
That’s what makes a bad email.

Let’s make a good email. JN asked about how to be interesting, insightful, and funny. I’m going to teach you to be both funny and insightful... do both of them together and you will also appear interesting, especially compared to the masses.

Point 1: How to be funny
There is a current trend amongst guys to go with a “shock her” type approach when they are meeting women, where they are a little bit cocky, a little bit funny. (I’m trying to avoid actually saying “cocky/funny” as coined by David DeAngelo, OK?) Here’s how to do it in email.

First, read her profile up and down, back and forth. Pick out something that is completely unique to this girl, and forget all the stuff that you’ve seen in dozens of other profiles. Example: She says, “I’m smart, funny, unique, love baseball, study medicine, and also work on a chicken farm.”
Forget everything but the chicken farm. The chicken farm makes her unique! This is what you want to focus the first part of your email on. Call it your opening paragraph hook. Try to let your brain come up with the craziest, funniest observations you can. My brain is a little sluggish right now, but I might write something like:

“A chicken farm? I love chicken! We’d be the perfect couple... You could poach extra chickens from work and I could fence them on the chicken black market. Eventually we could build up a nest egg and flee the coup to sunny Chichen Itza!”

Wow, that’s a bad set of puns, even for me. Stupid brain... Anyway, you get the picture. You are touching on what makes her unique, the little point that most guys ignore to go for the easy and mundane stuff like “I like your hat.”

Point 2: How to be insightful
If I lost most of my other online dating skills, this would be the one that would keep me in the game... reading subtext into her words.

Guys don’t really read profiles. Sure, we skim them over a couple times and look for points to talk about, but we don’t read between the lines. We don’t really look for the depth of her words, the subtext of what she is really saying... what she is really asking for. Let’s go right to an example.

Here’s a section of a woman’s profile:
“I’ve been here before, perhaps to many times, each time a little more jaded. If only we could be more honest with each other, the world would be a better place. I’m looking for a guy who is kind, faithful, and sincere.”

And the subtext says....
“I’ve been hurt by men.”

How did I get that out of the above paragraph? Look what she’s saying: she’s come back time after time, even more jaded, which means she’s gone through numerous relationships, each of them having ended with her getting hurt. She’s wishing for more honesty, which means she’s faced a lot of deceit. And she’s looking for a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere, which heavily suggests that she knows what she wants because she’s done time with a lot of guys who have been unkind, unfaithful, and insincere to her.

So, I see this profile and I see a girl who has been hurt, and I know that she will respond to... a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere?
NO!
She’ll respond to a guy who UNDERSTANDS HER! Forget everything about what women want on the surface! Deep down... they want to be understood (we all do). Being a guy who understands who she really is and sympathizes with her is so much more powerful and rare

To address that, I would write something like:
“I read your profile and couldn’t help but feeling a twinge of sadness at your words. We all seek happiness in life, but disappointment certainly seems to find its way in often enough. Like you, I simply seek a bright sunny day in a cloudy world.”

This wouldn’t be my whole response of course, but it would certainly get her attention away from the guys who write “I’m sincere, honest, and faithful.” You know... the same ones that hurt her in the past?

So...
You asked how to write a funny and insightful email? Combine those two techniques. Pick out the little unique gem in her profile and make it shine with humor, and read deep into the subtext of her profile, find out what she is really saying, and sympathize with it.

What... you thought it would be as simple as writing “who lies more, men or women?” :)

Well, this has been my longest post ever, so I’m going to wrap it up here. If you’ve got any questions, email me at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

Also, I have a whole chapter on email writing in the Online Casanova book that covers the do’s and don’t, and ways to create connections and deep bonds with a woman through your emails. If you want to learn the rest of my techniques and email writing tips, you’ll find them at http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

“Why don’t hot girls email me?”

2008-01-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

"Why don't hot girls email me?"

I got this question a few times in the last week, so let me tackle it for all to read. Now, I’m going to make some sweeping generalizations here, so stick with me...

Ready for a big surprise?

Super Hot Girls Don’t Email ANYONE.

The 5% or less of women online dating that we’d consider super hot girls, are already getting probably 95% of the traffic of online dating websites. Not only do they not have the time to go browsing through profiles, why would they even bother when guys are simply handing themselves over to them?

Of course, this is just a generalization, there are some very beautiful women out there who do their homework and browse the “men seeking women” sections. But the number is very small, and you’d better have one great profile photo and a killer headline to even get her into your profile to read it.

So let’s take that girl out of the equation and just go back to the original challenge... hot girls don’t browse profiles.

Here’s my online dating technique to meet hot girls.
First you need to...

1) Write a tight online dating profile that displays your most attractive qualities
2) Have a good looking PROFESSIONAL photo, preferably more than one.
3) Write an email that catches her attention by being interesting, insightful and funny.

When you’ve got those three things, this is what will happen:

She’ll open her inbox. She’ll next look at the emails with photos attached (you WILL attach your photo). She’ll discard most of these emails as poorly written or uninteresting. Yours will be both well written, fascinating, and show the promise of a guy with great potential. She’ll then be curious, and will go back to your profile to learn more about you, where she will find out that you are adventurous, cultured, funny, confident, and honest. She’ll want to know more...

And if she doesn’t get distracted by her Chihuahua jumping up on her pink keyboard, she just may write you something back...

There you go, if you are working the numbers, this is the method that is going to get you the most online dating success when it comes to meeting hot women honestly.

Happy Online Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. For more online dating help, profile writing advice, and how to write sexy emails to women... check out my main site: http://www.onlinecasanova.com

Online Dating Mistake #83953 that you make...

2008-01-08T07:37:00.000-08:00

File this one under "Common Online Dating Mistakes You Don't Know You Do"

So I'm sitting having an afternoon drink with a girl, and she says out of the blue...
"Dylan, you think you know everything there is to know about online dating... tell me why guys keep asking for more and more of my pictures?"

I do this brutal honesty/tough love thing really well, and come back with "It's either because they want to make sure you aren't 50lbs heavier than you said you were, or they are just adding them to their porno collection."

She admits that suspected more of the latter, and then proceeded to tell me how once a guy asked for more than 2 of her online dating photos, or asked for photos above and beyond her profile photos, she would red flag them and quit talking to them on the spot.

And now how this applies to you...

This may or may not come as a surprise, but there are a lot of guys out there who simply collect pictures of women, with no real intention of ever asking them out on a date.

For whatever perverted purpose or insecure need it fills, they email women simply asking for more and more photos, even if they have none themselves. During chats they keep asking for new pictures, sexier pictures, pictures where she is wearing bathing suits, and... surprise, surprise... nude pictures.

Women --hate-- these guys. They completely waste their time and frankly, most women hate the idea of perverts drooling over the pictures that they tricked them into sending.

Here's the online dating photo etiquette you need to stay safe:

1) Don’t ask for her photos until you’ve sent her yours.

2) Don’t refuse to send her photos if she asks for them, demanding she show you hers first.

3) Once you have her photos, don’t ask for more until you are a few emails in, or after a good chat, unless you really can’t see her very well in them (which usually means she’s hiding something).

4) Don’t ask if she has any sexier photos (unless you are well into a sexual conversation).

5) If she has a close-up of her face only, and you want to see a body shot to make sure she is the body type you are looking for (which is your right!) be tactful about it. Don’t say “lemme see your bod!”

6) If you do want to see more photos of her, wait until she’s brought up a topic such as a trip or a pet and say, “Wow, I’d love to see a picture of that!” If she doesn’t you can ask again, but never ask more than twice per conversation otherwise she might think you are one of those picture perves.

It sucks that there are guys out there who are simply using and manipulating women to get some minor trophy. It hurts the women, and it spoils the playing field for the rest of us. Be good to the girls out there.

Well, that's your online dating advice for today. Use it well!

Dylan Alexander

PS. For more online dating tips, dating profile writing help, and other ways to meet women online, check out http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Welcome to 2008! A new mindset for a new year...

2008-01-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years!

So, it’s New Years day and I’m stuck sitting here (at 8am, slightly hung over) trying to come up with something profound that will help you set a great pace for a new year of dating. So, here it goes...

I talk to a lot of people about dating, both virtual and real, and eventually the topic of horror stories always comes up. No matter what the topic, we all love to share horror stories like soldiers in the trenches. It is really a bonding ritual between people (you show me your scars, I’ll show you mine, etc...) And you’d think with being a guy who has done a fair share of dating, I’d have a lot of horror stories to tell... But the truth is...

...I don't have any!

Straight up, it’s true. I have never had a bad date... EVER.
And yes, this includes girls I’ve met through online dating!

Most people I tell that to think that I’m full of it, and you may as well, so let me explain. Have I ever had dates with a girl I met online, where she showed up and was 40lbs heavier than her picture, or 10 years older than she claimed to be, or she just wasn’t as much of a conversationalist as she was in email?
Yes...
But that has nothing to do with having a bad date!

See, when I go on a date, I go with two thoughts:

1) I’m going to have fun, with or without the girl.
2) I have no expectations of any outcome.

Big girl, little girl, old girl, young girl, I don’t care if she’s mislead me in her profile, because I expect NOTHING from her, or the date, more than simply to share some laughs. All I’m doing is showing up to meet a new friend!

Now, I’m not saying I haven’t been a little bit disappointed in some of the dates, but I get over it quickly by just going over in my head that I’m here to have a good time, not to get anything from the girl. If it turns out we have great chemistry, awesome! If we don’t, that’s OK too, because she’s still a person that I can have fun with, make laugh, and walk away from with a smile.

So...
I haven’t told you the best part yet...
This mindset is CRAZY ATTRACTIVE to women! All women!

Think about it... A guy who is fun and has a good time no matter what, combined with the confidence of not seeking to gain anything from her? Women respect and value that, as it is a rare trait among men. When it comes to the girls you really want, be the guy who doesn’t need her, but instead seeks to brighten her day (both your days, actually). While she may or may not ask you back to her place for drinks that night, she will definitely not forget you when you ask her out for a second date!

Once you start bringing that attitude on dates with gorgeous women who you are really interested in, your results will start to skyrocket... and best of all... you’ll never have a bad date again!

So, think about this for a while, let it set it, and picture the advantages it gives you. Start your 2008 with this in your head:

HAVE FUN!
DON'T BE ATTACHED TO AN OUTCOME!

And I pretty much guarantee you’ll have a much better dating season!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. The Online Casanova book is finally available for sale! Some website troubles and last minute revisions caused a few delays, but you can now get it through my main website! As a New Years bonus, you can get $10 off using the following code: xk120
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Check out the Online Dating Aptitude Quiz, or go right to the Products page at the bottom to buy the book. It's the perfect way to kick off a new year of online dating!

Serious players don't use MSN...

2007-12-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

I avoid any messenger service type chat (MSN messenger, Yahoo, etc...).

Why?
1) She’ll stop emailing you.
2) You are at the whim of her being online.

Let’s look a little closer:

#1 People are lazy. Most of the time, you can count on them taking the easiest path available. For her, once she has added you to her massive Messenger list, she has an excuse not to put in the time and effort to craft another email to you. It’s easier just to wait until she sees you online again and she can chat with you then.

#2 Once you’ve moved to a chat/Messenger based relationship with her, you can’t chat with her unless you are both online. This means that you’ve got to be online waiting for her to be online in order to have any contact with her. This definitely doesn’t work for you, because you will be out dating. Since you will be out having a life, and she is hopefully cool enough to have a life as well, it’s difficult to actually meet up online. Many potential relationships have fizzled out this way. The beauty of staying with email is that you can write at the whim of your schedule, and she can do the same.

If you must switch to MSN tell her this:

“Look, I try to not be a guy who sits at home on his computer the whole time, so if you want to MSN with me, tell me exactly when you’ll be online and I’ll try and make it.”

If you are bound and determined to do it, follow these steps:
1) Be playful, get her attention by teasing her
2) Be interested
3) Ask questions
4) Relate your experiences to her answers
5) Tease her a little more
6) Ask her new questions about her old answers
7) Mirror her True Image whenever possible
8) Be playful (it is both first and last on this list on purpose)

Repeat until she is asking you questions back. Once she starts asking you about yourself, you know you've got her interested and are starting to build some attraction.

Have fun with your holiday dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS: A holiday online dating tip! Switch your main photo to one of you wearing a Santa hat! It's great bait this time of year.

The Biggest Way You Waste Your Photos

2007-12-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, tell me you missed me when I didn't update my blog last week! Come on...

I was carving up the slopes at Big White ski resort in the interior of BC and putting the finishing touches on the Online Casanova book, which I should have up by the end of this week.

Now what I want to talk about today...

The following is true for some, but not all, online dating sites.

You get two types of photos in your profile. One is the main photo, that people see as a thumbnail when they browse all the listings, the other are the photos that no one can see until they open your profile (and sometimes you have sent them permission too).

Let's call these second level photos your Backstage photos.

This is one of your best secret resources for generating interest with a woman!
Do you know how few people actually post more than a photo or two here? Some sites let you have up to a dozen extra photos. You know that expression "a picture is worth a thousand words", right? This is a fantastic opportunity to tell a girl thousands of words more about you, without having to write a single one.

Let's look at the basics.

To build comfort:

* Post at least a few pictures with separate groups of friends.
* Be smiling, laughing, hamming for the camera, or otherwise having fun.

To showcase your value:

* Photos that are interesting or unique, which will make you look the same.
* Any photos that show value, such as a sense of adventure or class: travel photos, sports photos, culture photos, etc...
* Photos of you and your specific likes, whether it be hobbies or pets, so she can get a better idea of your life.
* Any photos of you with other female friends (obviously not girlfriends), which will show that you are at least valued by other women.

To build an emotional connection:

* Anything that will make her laugh, without making yourself look like a dork.

And a few other good photos to use:

* You doing something with kids, especially if they don't look like yours.
* Any photo of you with animals. Especially puppies. Yeah, this is a cheap one,
but it works.

So, no matter how many slots for photos your online dating site gives you...

Use them all!!!

Another tip, try and get your photo taken everywhere interesting that you can.

I'm adding the following photo to my regular rotation. It'll eliminate me having to talk about snowboarding in my profile, giving me space for something else instead!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. I'll send a note out when the book is ready, but it should be by Friday!

How to get a great online dating photo when you aren't so hot.

2007-11-26T23:12:00.000-08:00

Today, a question from a reader.

“Hey Dylan
I’ve been signed up to your newsletter for a while, and I love your emails about tactics and philosophy, but I’ve got a question about my photo.

Here it is: I’m not a super great looking guy. And I’m not in great shape. Honestly, I’d rather not send a girl a picture at all, even though I know how much it kills my chances. What can I do in my profile to make up for not having a picture?

Thanks, I’d really appreciate if you can help me out on this one, it’s tough."
Name withheld

>>MY ANSWER

Hey Man
Thanks for the question, it’s a tough one! I’m going to give you some tough love, and I’m not going to sugar coat it... much.

The quick answer is...You can’t.
No matter how great it is, a profile without a picture gets opened a fraction of the amount of times that those with one do.

What you should do is to have the best damned picture that you can possibly have.

The simplest way of doing this is to get a professional (or serious amateur) photographer who specializes in headshots to take a photo of you. You can find them on http://www.craigslist.org/ in any city in North America, cheap, and sometimes free. A good photo with the right lighting can make any guy look about 2 or 3 points hotter, easily. Wear some good clothes, get a girl to do your make up (even skin tones are very important in looking good) and get a bunch of photos that show you laughing and smiling. Women aren’t fixated on weight nearly as much as men are, but they are totally serious about a guy with a great smile and good grooming who carries himself with a sense of style and dignity.

You can have all of this, and still look like “you”. You just can’t do it in a dingy basement with snaps from your webcam.

So get a photo, step up, smile honestly, present yourself as a man, and NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE!

I don’t mean to yell, but I want you to remember that.

And if you think it’s cheating... remember women do it ALL THE TIME in real life, with layers of makeup, pushup bras, high heels, and clothes that conceal all their trouble areas.

I know someone is going to write me and say “but what about when he goes on a date and looks... less hot.” Honestly, every guy out there dating should strive to look their best at all time. Dress your best, carry yourself with a sense of masculinity, pay attention to your grooming all the time, not just in the photo, and like I said before, never apologize about what you look like.

Good luck out there, and if you want photo critiques, feel free to send them to me.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If all else fails... Go get your picture taken in a bookstore holding a book on online dating upside down. A good sense of humor trumps almost everything.

PPS. Yes, I take questions! Email them to me at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

WORST HEADLINES EVER!

2007-11-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, I got a few questions about headlines this week, and they were all "what do you think of this headline?"

Sadly, the answer was...

WORST HEADLINE EVER...!

So here's a list of the worst and most common headlines out there...

And what she thinks when she reads them!

HEADLINE: “Insert funny headline here.”
SHE THINKS: “Wow, haven’t seen that a dozen times today already.”
This is the banner of any person lacking any creativity whatsoever. Plus, it wasn’t funny years ago when it appeared in the first place.

HEADLINE: “Clever headline #28492”
SHE THINKS: “Ugh. At least it isn’t ‘insert funny headline here!’”
Headline, yes. Clever, no. Again, almost as used and abused as the above example.

HEADLINE: “how abot diner and drniks”
SHE THINKS: “This guy isn’t smart enough to spell? Or even smart enough to use a spell checker? Goodbye!”
There is NO excuse for spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors in your headline.

HEADLINE: “Love to laugh.“
SHE THINKS: “Duh, who doesn’t?”
So what have you told her besides that you are an average guy? Oh right, you are also unoriginal and uncreative too. Super.

HEADLINE: “Looking for someone special.”
SHE THINKS: “Wow, who isn’t looking for someone special? You think everyone else is looking for losers?”
Everyone is looking for someone special. Just because you are, doesn’t put you in a higher value category than the next guy. Plus everyone uses this tired line.

HEADLINE: “Hmm, I don’t know what to write here.”
SHE THINKS: “Wow, stumped already? Our first date is going to suck.”
This headline is absolutely pathetic and if you can’t even rip off one of the lame ones above, you don’t deserve a date.

HEADLINE: “I need (insert anything needy).”
SHE THINKS: “Needy AND single? Where can I sign up?“
Real men don’t need anything. Neediness is horribly unattractive.

HEADLINE: “I’ll fill this in later.”
SHE THINKS: “Too lazy to come up with a headline? That’s sexy...”
Laziness is a huge turn off for women and a big sign of weakness. This is possibly the worst headline ever... besides the next one.

HEADLINE: “Looking for a girl who won’t hurt me.”
SHE THINKS: “Emotionally broken already? I’m running like hell from this one.”
You aren’t asking for a girl who won’t hurt you, you are scaring off everyone who isn’t carrying emotional baggage. Hugely unattractive.

HEADLINE: “One last try...”
SHE THINKS: “One last try... because you are a multiple time loser? Ouch.”
Never show weakness or failure on the internet, she’ll think it’s 10x worse than it is. Which is usually true.

HEADLINE: “Just looking.”
SHE THINKS: “If you aren’t serious, then why bother?”
What she thinks is accurate. She’s here with a purpose, not to waste her time.

HEADLINE: “Hey Baby”
SHE THINKS: “Hey Baby? HEY BABY? Could you be any more disrespectful?”
A total waste of an opportunity to use a good headline. Oh, and it’s lame.

HEADLINE: “Hello,” or “Hi.”
SHE THINKS: “Um, how about “BYE” instead?”
This is probably the most common headline out there and definitely the most boring. It is completely uncreative and lacking any effort.

There you go. I've got a full list with about a dozen more bad ones, but those are the ones I see the most often. Never ever use any of them again... if not for you, then for me!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Next week... Best headlines ever?

How Akira Kurosawa got me dates...

2007-11-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

I can certainly say that this is a headline I never expected to write...

For the record, let's call this technique...

Make her curious.

This is one of the best profile boosting techniques I know. I didn’t come up with it on purpose and was simply doing it without realizing the effect, until one of the women I had met online pointed it out to me.

Here’s what happened. I’m a big Akira Kurosawa fan. I usually mention that briefly during my profiles (especially in the “50 Words Method” coming up in a week or two). Most people probably aren’t familiar with Kurosawa, and definitely not most women. So what happened was that women would read it, not know what it meant, and become curious. A woman who is curious about you is a very good thing! If they are even slightly interested in you, they will do a quick search to find out what you are talking about, and whatever they find will reflect on your personality.

So when she looked up Kurosawa, she learned that I had classical taste in films, which gave her the idea that I was cultured. When I added it in my profile, I was simply hoping to find someone with similar taste in film. What I ended up getting was a boost in creating interest, which led to creating a deeper connection, which also led to creating a massive increase in my value through her learning that I have a sense of culture.

In your case, search your influences and loves to find something just a little out of the mainstream, enough that she won’t likely know who it is, but will be curious enough to want to find out. Don’t overplay it or talk endlessly about your love for whatever it is, you don’t want to make it look like you are trying to impress her.

My line was simply: “...and on a rainy night you can find me curled up in front of a Kurosawa masterpiece.”

Remember, she will read volumes into whatever you select to make her curious. Try and look at it from her perspective when judging how your choice will reflect on you. Had I named John McTiernan instead of Akira Kurosawa, my results might have been much less positive, at least with women.

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

Kurosawa: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000041/

McTiernan: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001532/

"So, uh, what do you do for work?"

2007-11-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

Six words that should strike fear into your heart...

"What do you do for work?"

This is one of the most important questions she's going to ask you, and can radically swing her impression of you one way or the other.

Why is it so important? Does she want a sugar daddy? Does she want to know that we can support her six kids?

No and no. What she wants is to know that we've got direction and purpose in our lives, and not just floating through it with a revolving door of McJobs.

But you are the CEO of Ferrari, no problem, you can tell her everything about how much money you make, the glamour and luxury that you will dote on her, and so on. Perfect?

Hah... No.

The slippery slope is that she doesn't want someone who thinks he can impress her with his job, and brags about it. That's just as ugly (OK, less ugly, but still ugly).

Now, what really turns her on...
...is that you are passionate, purposeful, and driven in the career of your choice...
...AND THAT YOU LOVE IT.

Loving what you do is one of the most important things about your work for her.

I've written variations of the following in my profiles on numerous occasions.

"Well, I should probably tell you what I do for work. Wait, you probably get a non-stop stream of guys trying to impress you like that. OK, I'm not going to fall into that category, so let me say this about my job. I love it, and look forward to it every day. And there's a whole lot of things you'll love about it too."

Or:

"And what do I do for work? Ah a great question. I'm absolutely
in love with my job, honestly, it's been my dream job since I was about 14 or
15, and every day I check myself to make sure it's real. If I'm still
doing this when I die (assuming it's a long time from now), I'll be pretty
happy."

Of course, maybe you do have a crappy job, there are a whole lot of ways to spin it into something positive. In the Online Casanova book, I've got a huge section devoted to the many ways to spin your career into something positive that she will respect. It should be available at the end of the month.

And that's your online dating profile writing tip of the week. It can also be used in email as well.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. None of this applies to gold diggers, obviously, but who cares about them anyway?

Close The Profile, Close The Deal

2007-10-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

How do you end your profile?

Never really thought much about it, huh?

Here's a tip, at the end of your profile, or any initial contact email you send her, give her a reason to email you back. Make it easy for her. Ask her a few questions, and give her a few free questions to ask you. Writing an initial email is sometimes pretty hard (as you may know), so the easier it is for her, the more likely she is to write you.

This is a standard profile closer technique. It is something to add to the bottom of your profile as an opener for the reader to use if they want to contact you but are short of things to say.

“You’ve now reached the end of my profile. Now you’ve got to make that
all important decision to email me. But what do you say in your
email? I know it can be tough to cold email someone so...
Pick a question, any question!
-What do you do for fun? For work? With friends?
-If you could have three wishes, what would they be? And you
can’t wish for more wishes.
-Tell me the last great adventure you had in your
life.”

You should probably only offer three choices at a time, but here are some other options:

If you could have dinner with any single famous dead person (language barrier not an issue) who would it be? And more importantly... why?

If you were going to write a book about any one thing, what would it be... and why?

Notice that none of the questions are the standard boring, “what are your favorite movies, what bands do you like, what TV shows do you watch” stuff... Whatever you do, don’t bore her.

That's it for today, just a short tip that can make a big impact on the amount of emails you get. If you've got your own favorite profile closing techniques, email them to me! I'm making a compilation of profile tricks, and if I include yours, I'll send you a free copy!

Cheers!

Dylan

What Women Need - Inspired by Craigslist daters

2007-10-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired By Craigslist

Last night, I was browsing the local Craigslist dating forum, and there were a few posts ranting back and forth about the problem with women, and how they only want guys with money, and how they are all princesses.

It occurred to me that in this day of instant information, guys still haven’t answered the question...

What do women REALLY want?

What do women NEED that eclipses money or power?
Oh, I’ll tell you.
But first, tough love time...

So you don’t have a girl.
It isn’t because you don’t have the money to spoil her.
It isn’t because you aren’t a famous actor or a rock star.
It isn’t because you don’t ride a Harley or have the body of an Adonis.

Those are just excuses you give yourself to make it OK for your ego to survive without the success that you want. But it’s BS, and I don’t trade in BS, so forget those excuses.

The truth is...
You don’t have a girl because you don’t create *emotional connections* with women!
All women respond to the one thing over looks, power, wealth, fame... They respond to a guy who can make them laugh, make them cry, make them feel bliss in every bone of their body, make them scream and rage, make them swoon and purr. A guy who knows her heart, and how to make it tick, will never be short of women.

All you need to do, is to make her feel.
But you don’t.
You dial yourself down.
You make her comfortable.
You turn off your sexuality.
You be her friend.
You be... nice.
And you wonder why that ugly jerk has a hot girlfriend and you don't? Because that jerk can give her the emotional connection she needs, and you, Mr. Nice, can only make her feel safe. She doesn't want safety and comfort, she wants a friggen emotional roller coaster! So when you are writing a profile, don’t turn yourself down! Instead, crank it up to 11! Write a funny profile, write passionately about everything in your life, talk about adventures and danger... You have nothing to lose.

Have a good week!

Dylan

PS. Note, don’t talk about sex in your emails and especially in your profile. It’s a huge red flag for women, trust me! You want sensuality, not sexuality. I’ll talk more about that one later though, but for now, don’t even mention sex.

PPS. There will be examples of what I’ve just talked about in the Online Casanova book. I’m hoping to have it out by the end of the week.

The Greatest Aphrodisiac

2007-10-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

The Greatest Aphrodisiac

There is one great aphrodisiac when it comes to women. It melts their shields, warms their hearts, and makes certain that she never thinks you want to just be friends.

It is your smile.

The human smile is one of the greatest communicative tools we have. It conveys our intentions, our sincerity, and our passion. It is absolutely key whether you are looking to make new friends, or are attempting to seduce a woman.

This isn’t really a secret though, and has been written about for centuries, if not millennia.

So why do I scan through so many pages of online dating profiles, and see so few smiles? Seriously, go look for yourself. Now go look at the photos you use for online dating.

I’m not going to get into WHY we don’t smile in photos. Maybe it’s because we think we look so cool, so dangerous, when we give our best badass pose. That’s at least why *I* do it anyway...

The tragedy though, is that in online dating, women (rightfully) interpret every scrap of information they can get about us. So when she sees you scowling or looking expressionless, she thinks “this guy clearly doesn’t have anything in his life to smile about.” And how attractive is that? A guy who has nothing to smile about, isn’t a guy that she wants anywhere near her.

Smiles are also transferable!

:) :) :) :) :)

:D :D :D :D :D

;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Look! Even seeing those damn little smilies can lift your spirits slightly! It does the same for her, only on a deeper emotional level, when she sees you smiling in your photo! You are making an emotional connection with her, and that type of connection is the one that makes her remember you instead of the other 20 sourpusses that emailed her that day.

So smile, let her see your eyes, let her see who you really are. You will be surprised at how quickly and deeply women can make a connection with a guy through little things like that.

That's it for today.

Cheers!

Dylan

Teaching a workshop in London this week - And getting cool profile photos!

2007-10-08T15:12:00.001-07:00

Hey readers!
Sorry no new posts this week, until at least Monday the 15th. I'm in London running a Way Of Attraction workshop with Zan Perrion (go see www.zanperrion.com for details), which has just wrapped up. I'm taking the rest of the week to go explore museums, pubs, cathedrals, etc...

And I'm getting my picture taken with everything cool that I can find.

Why? Because a picture goes a long way in telling someone about yourself.

Always keep an eye out for cool photo opportunities. Having the right set of photos really defines your character and personality, just make sure that it is something appealing to women, not just random shots that you think look cool. Remember, if all your shots are in a pub, no matter how good they look, you'll look like an alcoholic.

I'll post some samples when I get back next week. In the mean time, happy dating!

Big thanks to Kid Carson and The Beat 94.5!

2007-10-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

A big thanks to Kid Carson, Nira, and Amy from The Beat 94.5 for having me on thier morning show last week! Without any kissing ass, it's my favorite morning show, so I was thrilled to be a part of it.

For the listeners who may have missed part of the show, I've put up a synopsis of the 4 Secrets of online dating that I talked about, as a free download.

Cheers, and thanks to the listeners for staying tuned while I droned on for 20 minutes about the pros and cons of online dating!

(oh, that's Kid, then me, then Nira, then Amy)

Dylan

Why you REALLY aren't making a connection

2007-09-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Why you can't connect...

The first thing to learn about online dating is that you are not writing a resume so you can get a job...
...You are trying to make a connection with a person to fall in love with (or at least go on a date and have sex with).

Now think about every resume that you’ve ever read... Have any of them made you think, “Damn, I want to meet this person?” No, they haven’t, and for one very good reason... They don’t engage your imagination, nor convey who you really are.

Engaging someone is crucial in getting them to be interested in you. The easiest way to start doing this is to change your writing style. Most people sadly do write their dating profiles just like they would a resume; a boring, bland list of achievements, education, experiences, and adjectives about themselves. It’s enough to put anyone to sleep.

To engage her, write to her as if you were in a conversation with her. Consider the subtle but important differences between the two following paragraphs:

“Hello. Thanks for looking at my profile. I’ve included my
photos at the bottom, check them out. Please let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing back from you.”
And...

“Hey you! Yeah, I know you are going to go look at my photos first before reading my profile. No, no, it’s fine... I’ll wait... Hum dee dum... Ok you are back now? Great! While you keep reading the rest of my profile, I’m going to go make a sandwich. I’ll check back in near the end so I can explain that picture of me in a monkey suit.”

The difference between the two should be glaringly obvious. The second paragraph is written as if the writer is speaking to her in a conversation. This forces her imagination to kick in and makes her feel as if she is really talking to you, rather than just reading word after word.

This is also a great way of conveying your true personality to her! Most profiles read so blankly, that someone who shows an ounce of personality will stand out from the crowd. If you write in a fun and playful tone, she will know you are a fun and playful person!

Always write in your true personality (a PG-rated version anyway)

Talk like a real person
Convey your character
Engage her in a conversation
Be funny - if you can

That's all for today, have a great week!

Dylan

The most common reason you flunk a first date

2007-09-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

So... Why do online relationships fizzle when you move them into the real world?

You both met online, been very interested in each other, and decide that you must meet in person.

And when you do... there is nothing. No chemistry, no attraction, and no interest. It is like this woman is completely different than the girl that you met online...

And she thinks exactly the same thing about you.

What you have to remember is that the attraction and trust that you build online is, like everything else on the internet, a carefully crafted illusion. When you create your dating profile, you are creating an optimized representation of yourself. You then tweak and twist each email to make her as interested as possible, and then decide to go out on a date.

But sometimes you go too far.

Many men and women go crazy with the power that creating an ideal self-portrait allows them, and their profiles become a distorted view of their actual selves. When they show up in person, they appear a total stranger compared to the person that their date got familiar with over the internet.

She feels mislead, and things go poorly.

If you want to take an online relationship into the real world, you need to be congruent. Your online personality has to be an accurate reflection of your real life personality. The person she meets on a date has to be the same person that she fell for online.

There is no “cheat” or shortcut for this, as she will always figure out that you aren’t who you pretended to be. So keep congruent to your real life personality, and when she meets you in person, she will be delighted to learn that you are indeed the same person that she met online. Besides, you want her to fall in love with you for who you are, not for some fake internet character.

This is a sore point for many women, as they get lied to by men all the time. Every girl who dates online has dozens of examples of guys who show up for the date and are completely different than who they appeared to be online. Just by being the same guy, she will appreciate you even more!

Be yourself (granted, the most interesting and attractive parts of yourself) and the chemistry that you build online will translate into real life.

Ciao!

Dylan

Miss These Profile Topics and Lose The Girl

2007-09-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

One of the hard parts of writing a profile, is trying to decide which topics to talk about. Most profiles become a mishmash of bad self-reflection, a stack of adjectives, or a long list of hobbies.

And most of those really aren't that interesting to her.

So what is interesting to her?

Here is a list of topics that women want to read about. If you include all of them in your profile, you will look well rounded, deep, and interesting.

So here they are, in no particular order:

Family:

Knowing that you have a relationship with your family gives her the impression that you are grounded, trustworthy, and have a sense of responsibility. It doesn't have to be perfect, but you should let her know that they are there, and you all get along with some level of civility. If you have a fun relationship with them, definitely point it out.

Travel:

Travel is adventure, adventure is romance! Travel is one thing that everyone has in common. If if she doesn't travel, you can bet your life that she wants to travel. By sharing some of your experiences, you will appear adventurous, and hopefully find some commonalities between the two of you.

Pets:

Sappy but true. Women love animals, and women love men who love animals. If you've ever had a pet, or better yet, have one now, let her know. It tells her that you have a strong enough sense of reliability to keep another creature alive besides yourself. Also that you are a big mushball.

Kids:

No, not yours (unless you do have them), but if you can give her an example of being loved by kids (like your brother's kids) then she will know that you have some endearing qualities in you, and also more importantly, that people consider you trustworthy enough to let around their kids.

Friends:

People who don't have many friends tend not to be desirable for one reason or another, whether it be anti-social tendencies or bad body odor. So tell her a little about your friends, about having healthy and happy relationships with them, and about what kind of a friend you are. This will help her imagine you in her social circle, and tell her that you aren't a total weirdo.

Career:

Women don't all want to know what job you have and how much money you make, but they all absolutely want to know that you are gainfully employed, financially stable, and responsible with money. You don't have to disclose your job or your income, but if you let her know that you have that part of your life handled and she won't be paying your credit cards off for the next 10 years, she will be more open to meeting.

Have fun!

Dylan

Ps. Note that sports and hobbies are NOT included in that list. They really aren't that important to most women.

Four Compliments You Shouldn't Use

2007-09-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

Nice

Hot

Cute

Sexy

Those are the four compliments that you should never give a girl.

And why not? They are perfectly valid compliments, and girls like to hear nice things said about them right?

Well, yes, except the fact that she hears all those things from a dozen guys a day. Stacking your lame compliments to the list really gets you nowhere. In fact, it tells her that you are just as uncreative as the other dozen guys that told her more or less the same thing.

Instead, if you want to compliment her, this is how it's done.

“You have very kissable lips.” (a personal favorite)

“You have the most sincere, kind eyes. I can’t help but keep going back to look at them.”

“That’s the most sinful smile I’ve ever seen. God only knows what you were thinking when that picture was taken.”

“Your skin is gorgeous, smooth, flawless. It glows!”

“You have laughter in your eyes and in your smile. I bet you are a fantastic person to hang out with.”

“I love your look. You have a playful innocence about you that’s probably lost on most. I bet you get tired of hearing ‘great bod’ or ‘nice bikini’ from the guys who email you.”

So, what are you really doing with these compliments? You aren’t just giving her superficial validation, any guy can do that. You are doing two very special and very powerful things.

First, you are showing her that you are better than the average guy, because you are insightful enough to be able to recognize those deeper qualities in her, even from a still picture, and appreciate those little things more than her big rack or curvy ass.

Secondly, you are showing her an image of how she perceives herself unconsciously, who she really wants to be, and valuing her as she needs to be valued. This is critical for building attraction with you, and is dealt with heavily in the Online Casanova book. There is too much to explain here, but mirroring her True Image and showing her that you understand her soul, is the most powerful way to get her to fall in love with you.

This is the tip of an iceberg.
Use it wisely.

Dylan

Losers like sports

2007-09-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

Losers like sports.

There you go, I'm pissing you off again. Yes, if you simply write in your profile "I like sports," then pretty much, yes, you are a loser.

Every guy likes sports of some type. Telling her the obvious does nothing to create any attraction or common grounds between the two of you.

Well, what if you wrote this instead:

"I play volleyball in the summer and snowboard in the winter."

Guess what, you've moved up! You've gone from Loser to Average! Yay, you are average! You can get an average girl and have an average relationship! Happy?

What, you want more?

Fine. Try something like this:

“During the summer you’ll find me covered in sand at my rec beach volleyball league (psst, we need a cheerleader!) We have so much fun it’s worth the occasional mouth full of sand, especially with the crashing waves and cool
breeze making a perfect setting.

And in the winter? Before the snow starts falling in the mountains I’ve already got the first snowboarding trip lined up. Priority one is finding a cozy little ski lodge with a steamy hot tub half buried in snow next to a mountain with deep champagne powder!”

Whoa! That's a little better, isn't it? You've moved from Average up to Rockstar! So what does the last paragraph really have over the others? Well, beyond simply telling her that you like volleyball and snowboarding, it's also telling her that:

You have a social life in your rec volleyball league

You appreciate the fun of the sport as much as the competition

You are a planner type

You appreciate a romantic setting

But most importantly, with each description, you are creating a image for her, filling her senses with sights/sounds/textures for her to see in her mind. And you are inviting her into your world.

You aren't just a guy who likes sports, you are a guy with a life, and are bringing her into it.

Try writing your own.

Dylan

How a little homework goes a long way...

2007-09-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

Ever see a movie where the guy gets two different women he is dating mixed up?
It’s funny... WHEN IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE ELSE.

It isn't be funny when it happens to you!

Trust me...

...It can happen a whole lot easier than you think.

If you are juggling 5 email conversations at a time and have had 4 messenger chats with other girls just before you go out on your date with her, it doesn’t take much for information to blur from one girl to the next. Nothing much can make you look like a bigger asshole than asking how her parents are doing when she told you in the first email that they both passed away in a car crash 10 years ago.

To avoid this, always do a little homework before you craft a reply to an email, go into a MSN or phone conversation, or before going on a date... especially before going on a date!

* Re-read all your previous interactions with her, from the first email to the last.

* Re-read any previous chat conversations with her.

* Maintain a document with all her important information: family, work, interests, dreams, where she’s traveled, etc...

* Make that into a cheat sheet that you read over before going into a live conversation, or a date.

* If you are going to meet her in person, or talk over the phone, repeat her name over and over and over in your head until you push out the names of all the other girls that are in there. Nothing is more insulting than forgetting her name, or worse, mixing it up with that of another girl.

(cough)

So I hear.

Have fun!

Dylan

If only you could make her read your profile at gunpoint...

2007-09-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

If only you could make her read your profile at gunpoint.

But you can't.

Here's a reality that most people don't consider when putting together a profile: they get a good headline, they put up a sexy picture, and then they write a regular profile.

This is what happens: she's drawn in with the headline, she likes the photo, and when she starts reading your profile... she gets bored in 3 sentences and moves on to the next guy.

Maybe you don't remember English writing class back in school. Maybe you skipped it to go smoke herb with the shop teacher or maybe you were asleep at your desk, still hung over. Either way, you should have learned that your first paragraph is the most important. It sets the tone for your entire piece. It hooks the reader, one way or another, and gets them to want to read more.

When you pick up a magazine or newspaper and start reading an article, if you get bored during the first paragraph, how much more do you usually read? NONE OF IT. And that's exactly what's happening with the women reading your profile, they aren't getting hooked, and are wandering off.

Want to know the worst paragraph you can write to lose her attention?

Try waving this lame banner:

"I hate writing these. It's so hard to describe everything about yourself in words. Each time I do I feel I never come close enough to who I really am. Oh well, I guess I have to put something, so here it goes."

Basically, you are telling her that you are uncreative, lacking personal insight, and just as average as every other guy out there who starts his profile the same way.

So, what's a good opening paragraph?

Something that makes her smile always works.

Try running your hot headline right into the opening paragraph, like so:

Headline
"I used to play guitar for KISS"
Profile:

"Yes, I used to play guitar for KISS... Sure, it was in my parent's back yard, my guitar was a broom, and my best friend played some upturned trash cans for a drum set... but man did we rock the neighborhood. I never did make it into KISS, but I'm still in love with the guitar... and my best friend became a garbage man!
Now a little more about me..."

Guaranteed, that will get her attention!

Good luck out there.

Dylan

DANGER: The Super Hot Girl With No Profile!

2007-08-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

More often than not, you'll come across a scorching hot girl, with little, if anything, written in her profile. Mostly, it'll read this:
"You must be between 20-28, don't contact me without a picture, not looking for a sugar daddy."

Why doesn't she write a full profile?
Because she doesn't need to. She's hot enough that she'll get a hundred emails a day without using a single word.

So what do you say to her? The downside to being that hot is that men aren't even reading her words, they are just emailing her because of her picture. What she writes is nearly irrelevant, and she knows it. While she likes the attention (obviously, she keeps posting bikini pictures), on a deeper level she is sad that men don't care who she is on the inside, and aren't making an effort to do so.

To hottest of the hot, write this:

“Hi You
I admit that I was drawn in by your picture, you are quite striking, but then I noticed that you have written next to nothing in your profile.
I wonder if you haven’t bothered, since you know most men just contact a woman based on her looks, without paying attention to her words.

That can't feel good.

Your eyes tell me there is much more to you than being
an object for men to drool over.
Tell me something about yourself.
What are you most proud of?
Who do you aspire to be in life?

Respect,
Me”

Amongst a sea of "Hey, you're hot, want a one night stand?" type emails, you will be an insightful beacon of romance and light.

How to guarantee she'll never read your profile...

2007-08-21T08:27:00.001-07:00

Do you know that women actually read the headline of your profile before they decide whether or not to open it?

Seriously, that headline that you wrote.
You know the one...
"Insert Clever Headline Here"

Yeah, here's the truth...
The headline is important. If it is interesting, clever, funny, or stands out from the crowd, she might read your profile. If it is lame, boring, or she's seen it a hundred times that day... IT SUCKS.

"Insert clever headline here," sucks. But it isn't alone. Here's a few other choice terrible headlines that will guarantee she will never read your profile.
"Love to laugh" - right, cause who doesn't?
"Looking for someone special" - again, who isn't?
"Don't know what to put here" - wow, not smart enough to come up with a headline... jackpot.
"Will fill this in later" - ooh, lazy, that's sexy.
"Hello" - The most common headline, which makes it the worst.

You'll find the other 15 worst headlines in the book. Once you see them, you'll recognize how bad they are.

Instead, try one of the following:
"SOS - - Stranded on desert island - - Bring beer and women!"
"Would you rub the tummy of a purring lion?"
"First we take (your city)... THEN THE WORLD!"

There are dozens more in the Online Casanova book, but try one of those for now. It's a hell of a lot better than "Clever Headline #25246"

The Steps to Online Seduction

2007-08-21T08:15:00.000-07:00

By the time you go for your first date with the girl, she should already be seduced. There should be no need to impress her with your bad stories, fancy car, or wad of cash when you pay for dinner.

If you've played your cards correctly, she should already want you.

So what is the process?
1) Grab her attention!
2) Stand out from the crowd
3) Draw her into your world
4) Display your value
5) Take her on an emotional adventure
6) Be desirable, be rare.

It's easy to grab her attention with a great picture and sexy headline.
Standing out from the crowd is pretty simple, if only because most guys a terrible at online dating.
Drawing her into your world comes from transferring your life into words and images.
Displaying your value is describing the things she wants the most, but in images, not adjectives.
You must make her feel something: laughter, sorrow, passion, joy. These are easier to acheive than you might think.
More on that later.

Online Dating - Science or Art?

2007-08-20T21:40:00.001-07:00

Online dating... science or art?
Definitely a lot of both. One thing is for certain, online dating is no longer for geeks, nerds, social outcasts and the most introverted of society. The good news is that it has been embraced by smart, sexy, successful women. The bad news is, for every woman there are ten men. This means that as a guy, you can't rely just on basic descriptions that once worked years ago. Competition is fierce. There are literally hundreds of men vying for a few select women. So what do you need?
A strategy?
A tactical advantage?
A secret weapon?
Yes, yes, yes!

And this blog is dedicated to giving it to you.
Thanks for reading!