Today, a question from a reader.
“Hey Dylan
I’ve been signed up to your newsletter for a while, and I love your emails about tactics and philosophy, but I’ve got a question about my photo.
I’ve been signed up to your newsletter for a while, and I love your emails about tactics and philosophy, but I’ve got a question about my photo.
Here it is: I’m not a super great looking guy. And I’m not in great shape. Honestly, I’d rather not send a girl a picture at all, even though I know how much it kills my chances. What can I do in my profile to make up for not having a picture?
Thanks, I’d really appreciate if you can help me out on this one, it’s tough."
Name withheld
>>MY ANSWER
Hey Man
Thanks for the question, it’s a tough one! I’m going to give you some tough love, and I’m not going to sugar coat it... much.
The quick answer is...You can’t.
No matter how great it is, a profile without a picture gets opened a fraction of the amount of times that those with one do.
What you should do is to have the best damned picture that you can possibly have.
The simplest way of doing this is to get a professional (or serious amateur) photographer who specializes in headshots to take a photo of you. You can find them on http://www.craigslist.org/ in any city in North America, cheap, and sometimes free. A good photo with the right lighting can make any guy look about 2 or 3 points hotter, easily. Wear some good clothes, get a girl to do your make up (even skin tones are very important in looking good) and get a bunch of photos that show you laughing and smiling. Women aren’t fixated on weight nearly as much as men are, but they are totally serious about a guy with a great smile and good grooming who carries himself with a sense of style and dignity.
You can have all of this, and still look like “you”. You just can’t do it in a dingy basement with snaps from your webcam.
So get a photo, step up, smile honestly, present yourself as a man, and NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE!
Name withheld
>>MY ANSWER
Hey Man
Thanks for the question, it’s a tough one! I’m going to give you some tough love, and I’m not going to sugar coat it... much.
The quick answer is...You can’t.
No matter how great it is, a profile without a picture gets opened a fraction of the amount of times that those with one do.
What you should do is to have the best damned picture that you can possibly have.
The simplest way of doing this is to get a professional (or serious amateur) photographer who specializes in headshots to take a photo of you. You can find them on http://www.craigslist.org/ in any city in North America, cheap, and sometimes free. A good photo with the right lighting can make any guy look about 2 or 3 points hotter, easily. Wear some good clothes, get a girl to do your make up (even skin tones are very important in looking good) and get a bunch of photos that show you laughing and smiling. Women aren’t fixated on weight nearly as much as men are, but they are totally serious about a guy with a great smile and good grooming who carries himself with a sense of style and dignity.
You can have all of this, and still look like “you”. You just can’t do it in a dingy basement with snaps from your webcam.
So get a photo, step up, smile honestly, present yourself as a man, and NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE!
I don’t mean to yell, but I want you to remember that.
And if you think it’s cheating... remember women do it ALL THE TIME in real life, with layers of makeup, pushup bras, high heels, and clothes that conceal all their trouble areas.
I know someone is going to write me and say “but what about when he goes on a date and looks... less hot.” Honestly, every guy out there dating should strive to look their best at all time. Dress your best, carry yourself with a sense of masculinity, pay attention to your grooming all the time, not just in the photo, and like I said before, never apologize about what you look like.
And if you think it’s cheating... remember women do it ALL THE TIME in real life, with layers of makeup, pushup bras, high heels, and clothes that conceal all their trouble areas.
I know someone is going to write me and say “but what about when he goes on a date and looks... less hot.” Honestly, every guy out there dating should strive to look their best at all time. Dress your best, carry yourself with a sense of masculinity, pay attention to your grooming all the time, not just in the photo, and like I said before, never apologize about what you look like.
Good luck out there, and if you want photo critiques, feel free to send them to me.
Cheers!
Dylan Alexander
PS. If all else fails... Go get your picture taken in a bookstore holding a book on online dating upside down. A good sense of humor trumps almost everything.
PPS. Yes, I take questions! Email them to me at onlinecasanova@gmail.com
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