Online dating horror stories always include one common theme... misleading photos!
Regardless whether you are a man or a woman, you’ve probably experienced it to some extent. You show up to meet someone you found online for a drink and your date doesn’t look anything like the picture they sent you. Maybe their charming personality wins you over... or maybe it doesn’t. Regardless, you are disappointed that they are more “not” than “hot”.
There are a few common ways people mislead you with photos.
1) They use out of date photos from a time that they were younger and more attractive.
2) They use photos that conceal the unattractive areas of themselves
3) They use photos of totally different people.
Out Of Date Photos
Using out of date photos seems completely ethical for some people, after all, they still feel young and to them, it is who they still are, even though they may have added 40lbs and wrinkles...
Extremely out of date photos are a little easier to spot, watch for the following:
-Out of date clothes.
-Out of date hair cuts or makeup.
-“scanned” film print images, as opposed to ones taken with a digital camera.
More recent out of date photos (within a few years) are much more difficult to spot.
-Look for inconsistencies in personal descriptions, such as someone describing they have short hair, but in the photo it is long.
-Look for broad variations between photos, for example weight changes or style changes over photos.
You can always ask when the photos were taken to be safe, just do it tactfully.
“Interesting photo! Where were you when it was taken? Really? Cool. How long ago was that?”
Concealing Photos
Before you read this section, you should know that I used to be a professional photographer. My main work was sports, but I did my share of portraits as well (like the cover of the Online Casanova book!) I worked with a lot of first time and “average girl” models where I had to do a lot of the work to make them look their best. Thus, I present to you the following ways that people “cheat” their photos to look much sexier. Watch out for:
-Photos take from a high angle looking down. These would be ones where the person takes a self portrait by holding the camera over their head pointing down and looking up into it. This makes the head prominent in the photo, making the body look much smaller by comparison. It also stretches out all the extra skin in the neck area, making the face look slimmer.
-Any photo where the face is cropped. The front of the face itself doesn’t really reveal how heavy someone is but the cheek/neck shows a lot. A tight crop showing only the eyes/nose/mouth/chin is one of the most obscuring photos out there.
-Photos lit from behind to just illuminate the silhouette of the face. This is a great photographer’s trick to bring out just the key features of someone’s looks, while keeping the not so hot parts hidden in the shadows.
-Headshots, showing just the head and shoulders aren’t always a warning sign. It only becomes a warning sign if the person says they don’t have any more photos of themselves. Everyone has at least one full or half body shot sitting on their computer. The excuse is the red flag.
Concealing Photos with Photoshop
Ah Photoshop... I love you. You make my hair richer, my skin smoother, my teeth whiter and my eyes sparkle. Look, if women can use makeup to make their lips richer and fuller, their eyes more sultry and seductive, and hide all their skin flaws for pictures... then I’m sure going to do as much of the same in Photoshop!
But what I won’t do is use Photoshop to actually change what I look like (I use the old fashioned gym for that, sigh). For people who do use Photoshop to reshape themselves, look out for the following signs:
-Sections of the photo which appear smudged or streaked, indicating that certain tools have been used to manipulate that area.
-Duplicated parts of the photo, which betray that someone has “cloned” an area and pasted it over another in order to mask something.
-A difference in the overall texture of the photo. If a photo is “noisy” or grainy all over, but strangely smooth in one area, it indicates that someone has done some sloppy Photoshop work in that section.
Now, there probably aren’t many people actually doing this, I’m just giving you a cautious heads up.
Using Photos Of Other People
This is pathetic enough that you should pity the person who feels they have to do this in order to attract someone. How could you ever trust someone in a future relationship when they wouldn’t even use their own face to meet you online?
Detecting these photos is very difficult, after all, someone could just browse Myspace profiles until they see a full set that depicts a full and sexy life and copy them all. The good news is that as online dating becomes more socially acceptable, there are proportionally fewer people stealing photos. However, keep an eye out for the following:
-Inconsistencies between written physical descriptions and the photos (eyes, hair, height, weight).
-Inconsistencies between locations (if you are dating in a desert area and someone’s photos all have pine trees in the background).
If you get the faintest hint that someone may be doing something shady with their photos, here are a few methods of busting them:
-Ask for photos that would show something from their written profile. If they have a dog, ask to see a picture of them holding their dog. EVERYONE with a pet has one of those! If they refuse, be suspicious.
-Probe for details about when/where their photos were taken, or about other details in the photos. If they ignore the question, that’s a big red flag.
-The deal maker/breaker: Ask them to go take a photo with their digital camera holding up a sign that says “Hi...” with your name written on it. Few people have the skills to fake this in Photoshop.
Ultimately, if someone really wants to fool you, they probably will. The good news is that, if you follow my rule of going on a date after 3-5 emails, you won’t have wasted too much of your time writing to them if they turn out to look different than their photos.
Happy online dating!
Dylan Alexander
PS. As usual, a little reminder that my book with actual techniques and tactics for online dating can be found at www.onlinecasanova.com
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