Monday, September 24, 2007

The most common reason you flunk a first date

So... Why do online relationships fizzle when you move them into the real world?

You both met online, been very interested in each other, and decide that you must meet in person.

And when you do... there is nothing. No chemistry, no attraction, and no interest. It is like this woman is completely different than the girl that you met online...

And she thinks exactly the same thing about you.

What you have to remember is that the attraction and trust that you build online is, like everything else on the internet, a carefully crafted illusion. When you create your dating profile, you are creating an optimized representation of yourself. You then tweak and twist each email to make her as interested as possible, and then decide to go out on a date.

But sometimes you go too far.

Many men and women go crazy with the power that creating an ideal self-portrait allows them, and their profiles become a distorted view of their actual selves. When they show up in person, they appear a total stranger compared to the person that their date got familiar with over the internet.

She feels mislead, and things go poorly.

If you want to take an online relationship into the real world, you need to be congruent. Your online personality has to be an accurate reflection of your real life personality. The person she meets on a date has to be the same person that she fell for online.

There is no “cheat” or shortcut for this, as she will always figure out that you aren’t who you pretended to be. So keep congruent to your real life personality, and when she meets you in person, she will be delighted to learn that you are indeed the same person that she met online. Besides, you want her to fall in love with you for who you are, not for some fake internet character.

This is a sore point for many women, as they get lied to by men all the time. Every girl who dates online has dozens of examples of guys who show up for the date and are completely different than who they appeared to be online. Just by being the same guy, she will appreciate you even more!

Be yourself (granted, the most interesting and attractive parts of yourself) and the chemistry that you build online will translate into real life.