How To Spot Fake Online Dating Photos

Online dating horror stories always include one common theme... misleading photos!

Regardless whether you are a man or a woman, you’ve probably experienced it to some extent. You show up to meet someone you found online for a drink and your date doesn’t look anything like the picture they sent you. Maybe their charming personality wins you over... or maybe it doesn’t. Regardless, you are disappointed that they are more “not” than “hot”.


There are a few common ways people mislead you with photos.
1) They use out of date photos from a time that they were younger and more attractive.
2) They use photos that conceal the unattractive areas of themselves
3) They use photos of totally different people.


Out Of Date Photos
Using out of date photos seems completely ethical for some people, after all, they still feel young and to them, it is who they still are, even though they may have added 40lbs and wrinkles...

Extremely out of date photos are a little easier to spot, watch for the following:
-Out of date clothes.
-Out of date hair cuts or makeup.
-“scanned” film print images, as opposed to ones taken with a digital camera.

More recent out of date photos (within a few years) are much more difficult to spot.

-Look for inconsistencies in personal descriptions, such as someone describing they have short hair, but in the photo it is long.

-Look for broad variations between photos, for example weight changes or style changes over photos.

You can always ask when the photos were taken to be safe, just do it tactfully.
“Interesting photo! Where were you when it was taken? Really? Cool. How long ago was that?”

Concealing Photos
Before you read this section, you should know that I used to be a professional photographer. My main work was sports, but I did my share of portraits as well (like the cover of the Online Casanova book!) I worked with a lot of first time and “average girl” models where I had to do a lot of the work to make them look their best. Thus, I present to you the following ways that people “cheat” their photos to look much sexier. Watch out for:

-Photos take from a high angle looking down. These would be ones where the person takes a self portrait by holding the camera over their head pointing down and looking up into it. This makes the head prominent in the photo, making the body look much smaller by comparison. It also stretches out all the extra skin in the neck area, making the face look slimmer.

-Any photo where the face is cropped. The front of the face itself doesn’t really reveal how heavy someone is but the cheek/neck shows a lot. A tight crop showing only the eyes/nose/mouth/chin is one of the most obscuring photos out there.

-Photos lit from behind to just illuminate the silhouette of the face. This is a great photographer’s trick to bring out just the key features of someone’s looks, while keeping the not so hot parts hidden in the shadows.

-Headshots, showing just the head and shoulders aren’t always a warning sign. It only becomes a warning sign if the person says they don’t have any more photos of themselves. Everyone has at least one full or half body shot sitting on their computer. The excuse is the red flag.


Concealing Photos with Photoshop
Ah Photoshop... I love you. You make my hair richer, my skin smoother, my teeth whiter and my eyes sparkle. Look, if women can use makeup to make their lips richer and fuller, their eyes more sultry and seductive, and hide all their skin flaws for pictures... then I’m sure going to do as much of the same in Photoshop!

But what I won’t do is use Photoshop to actually change what I look like (I use the old fashioned gym for that, sigh). For people who do use Photoshop to reshape themselves, look out for the following signs:

-Sections of the photo which appear smudged or streaked, indicating that certain tools have been used to manipulate that area.

-Duplicated parts of the photo, which betray that someone has “cloned” an area and pasted it over another in order to mask something.

-A difference in the overall texture of the photo. If a photo is “noisy” or grainy all over, but strangely smooth in one area, it indicates that someone has done some sloppy Photoshop work in that section.

Now, there probably aren’t many people actually doing this, I’m just giving you a cautious heads up.

Using Photos Of Other People
This is pathetic enough that you should pity the person who feels they have to do this in order to attract someone. How could you ever trust someone in a future relationship when they wouldn’t even use their own face to meet you online?

Detecting these photos is very difficult, after all, someone could just browse Myspace profiles until they see a full set that depicts a full and sexy life and copy them all. The good news is that as online dating becomes more socially acceptable, there are proportionally fewer people stealing photos. However, keep an eye out for the following:

-Inconsistencies between written physical descriptions and the photos (eyes, hair, height, weight).

-Inconsistencies between locations (if you are dating in a desert area and someone’s photos all have pine trees in the background).

If you get the faintest hint that someone may be doing something shady with their photos, here are a few methods of busting them:

-Ask for photos that would show something from their written profile. If they have a dog, ask to see a picture of them holding their dog. EVERYONE with a pet has one of those! If they refuse, be suspicious.

-Probe for details about when/where their photos were taken, or about other details in the photos. If they ignore the question, that’s a big red flag.

-The deal maker/breaker: Ask them to go take a photo with their digital camera holding up a sign that says “Hi...” with your name written on it. Few people have the skills to fake this in Photoshop.


Ultimately, if someone really wants to fool you, they probably will. The good news is that, if you follow my rule of going on a date after 3-5 emails, you won’t have wasted too much of your time writing to them if they turn out to look different than their photos.

Happy online dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. As usual, a little reminder that my book with actual techniques and tactics for online dating can be found at www.onlinecasanova.com

Online Dating Photo Advice - How to have a great dating photo

How to have a great online dating photo...

Online dating photos are important, but you know this already. You know that a profile with a photo gets opened 8x more than one without. You know that an email with a photo attached gets read first. There’s no question about those things anymore, that’s old news. What I really want you to understand is the power of having a GREAT photo.

Everyone has photos these days, but fortunately, most people still use bad photos. A bad photo can make you look terrible, no matter how hot you are in real life. A great photo will attract people, no matter what you look like.

Amongst the adventures I’ve had in life, one of them was working as a professional photographer. I now shoot only for sport, but am happy to be able to share with you some rules of having a great photo for online dating.

Rule 1: Be well lit
A well lit face jumps out of the picture, a face in shadows hides from the viewer. Believe it or not, this has a huge different on how people interpret your character. If you post a photo of yourself taken in a dark basement without using a flash, you’ll come across as a low energy/low value person. If you are well lit and bright, you’ll come across as high energy/high value (read: FUN) person. No one looks good when they are so underexposed you can’t even see their eyes.

TIP: Use a photo taken outside with natural light, but force your camera flash on (called fill flash) so that it fills out any shadows on your face made by the sun.


Rule 2: Use a real camera
A common trend I see in younger online daters is self portraits taken with cell phone cameras in front of bathroom mirrors, and “at my computer” shots taken with web cams. There are two problems. One is that these settings usually aren’t well lit. The other is that cell phone cameras and web cams produce terrible picture quality. They are grainy noisy pictures that in general make you look bad. To someone who reads between the lines, they make you look too cheap to get a real camera.

TIP: If you don’t own a real digital camera, you have a friend that does. Tell them you need some photos, most people are happy to play amateur photographer with their toys.


Rule 3: Pay attention to the background
People look at everything in your photo, not just you. If your house is a mess, it reflects poorly on you. Women especially notice details, so pay attention guys. If you’ve got a couple empty bottles of vodka in the background, it looks like you party too much. If there are other people in your photo, who they are is going to reflect on you. For women, this means that you might want to reconsider posting photos with your scantily clad girlfriends. For guys, you might want to reconsider posting photos of you and any girl who looks like a girlfriend.

TIP: Since people read into every detail in your photo, you can increase your value by using a photo taken somewhere interesting or cultural. Photos in museums make you look cultured, photos in exotic locations make you look adventurous.


Rule 4: Dress well!
This rule is hugely overlooked. You are judged by your appearance and that includes your clothes. Plus the fact that the right clothes can make someone look considerably more attractive, while improperly fitting or poorly matched clothes will make you look worse. Remember, keep some congruency with who you are. If you never ever wear a suit in real life, you might not want to represent yourself as a suit wearing guy. Girls, if you don’t want guys to think you are promiscuous and easy, don’t post party photos of you wearing revealing clothes.

TIP: Dress to impress. You basically can’t overdress (within good taste) and the better dressed you are, the higher value you will appear.


Rule 5: Eye Contact
Regardless of the setting, one thing you must be doing in your picture is making eye contact with the viewer. If you are getting your picture taken specifically for online dating, look directly into the camera lens every time (unless for artistic reasons the photo absolutely demands otherwise). You’ve heard this before and it’s definitely cliché, but... your eyes are a window into your soul... even over the internet. People need to make that connection with you in order to be attracted to you. When they can’t see your eyes, there will be a level of intimacy lacking in your picture, and that is something that is crucial for building attraction.

TIP: Make sure your eyes are visible and not in the shadows. See Rule 1.
TIP: Take off the sunglasses for your photos. You aren’t Bono or Jennifer Lopez and as much as you believe it does, it doesn’t make you look cool or famous. At best it blocks that critical eye connection, at worst it makes you look insecure.


Three more tips!
1) ALWASY INCLUDE YOUR PHOTOS! Despite how common it is, we are all still a little afraid of being recognized internet dating, and thus we never want to send our photos out first. But the people who let their photos be seen by all get the best responses. When you don’t send a photo the only thing you get is ignored! One of the most common things people write in their profiles is “no pic, no reply,” and yet they haven’t even posted a photo of themselves first!

2) Don't forget to SMILE IN YOUR PHOTOS! Your smile is one of the greatest natural ways to seduce someone online. You can read a blog entry about that here:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/10/greatest-aphrodisiac.html

3) Another option (and arguably your best option) is to simply HIRE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER. You can read my blog entry about that here:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-to-get-great-online-dating-photo.html

Happy Online Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you have online dating questions, or want to know something specific about attracting women online, feel free to email me through the link on the right.

Online Dating Mistake #83953 that you make...

File this one under "Common Online Dating Mistakes You Don't Know You Do"

So I'm sitting having an afternoon drink with a girl, and she says out of the blue...
"Dylan, you think you know everything there is to know about online dating... tell me why guys keep asking for more and more of my pictures?"

I do this brutal honesty/tough love thing really well, and come back with "It's either because they want to make sure you aren't 50lbs heavier than you said you were, or they are just adding them to their porno collection."

She admits that suspected more of the latter, and then proceeded to tell me how once a guy asked for more than 2 of her online dating photos, or asked for photos above and beyond her profile photos, she would red flag them and quit talking to them on the spot.

And now how this applies to you...

This may or may not come as a surprise, but there are a lot of guys out there who simply collect pictures of women, with no real intention of ever asking them out on a date.

For whatever perverted purpose or insecure need it fills, they email women simply asking for more and more photos, even if they have none themselves. During chats they keep asking for new pictures, sexier pictures, pictures where she is wearing bathing suits, and... surprise, surprise... nude pictures.

Women --hate-- these guys. They completely waste their time and frankly, most women hate the idea of perverts drooling over the pictures that they tricked them into sending.

Here's the online dating photo etiquette you need to stay safe:

1) Don’t ask for her photos until you’ve sent her yours.

2) Don’t refuse to send her photos if she asks for them, demanding she show you hers first.

3) Once you have her photos, don’t ask for more until you are a few emails in, or after a good chat, unless you really can’t see her very well in them (which usually means she’s hiding something).

4) Don’t ask if she has any sexier photos (unless you are well into a sexual conversation).

5) If she has a close-up of her face only, and you want to see a body shot to make sure she is the body type you are looking for (which is your right!) be tactful about it. Don’t say “lemme see your bod!”

6) If you do want to see more photos of her, wait until she’s brought up a topic such as a trip or a pet and say, “Wow, I’d love to see a picture of that!” If she doesn’t you can ask again, but never ask more than twice per conversation otherwise she might think you are one of those picture perves.


It sucks that there are guys out there who are simply using and manipulating women to get some minor trophy. It hurts the women, and it spoils the playing field for the rest of us. Be good to the girls out there.

Well, that's your online dating advice for today. Use it well!

Dylan Alexander

PS. For more online dating tips, dating profile writing help, and other ways to meet women online, check out http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

The Biggest Way You Waste Your Photos

Ok, tell me you missed me when I didn't update my blog last week! Come on...

I was carving up the slopes at Big White ski resort in the interior of BC and putting the finishing touches on the Online Casanova book, which I should have up by the end of this week.

Now what I want to talk about today...

The following is true for some, but not all, online dating sites.

You get two types of photos in your profile. One is the main photo, that people see as a thumbnail when they browse all the listings, the other are the photos that no one can see until they open your profile (and sometimes you have sent them permission too).

Let's call these second level photos your Backstage photos.

This is one of your best secret resources for generating interest with a woman!
Do you know how few people actually post more than a photo or two here? Some sites let you have up to a dozen extra photos. You know that expression "a picture is worth a thousand words", right? This is a fantastic opportunity to tell a girl thousands of words more about you, without having to write a single one.

Let's look at the basics.

To build comfort:

* Post at least a few pictures with separate groups of friends.
* Be smiling, laughing, hamming for the camera, or otherwise having fun.

To showcase your value:

* Photos that are interesting or unique, which will make you look the same.
* Any photos that show value, such as a sense of adventure or class: travel photos, sports photos, culture photos, etc...
* Photos of you and your specific likes, whether it be hobbies or pets, so she can get a better idea of your life.
* Any photos of you with other female friends (obviously not girlfriends), which will show that you are at least valued by other women.

To build an emotional connection:

* Anything that will make her laugh, without making yourself look like a dork.

And a few other good photos to use:

* You doing something with kids, especially if they don't look like yours.
* Any photo of you with animals. Especially puppies. Yeah, this is a cheap one,
but it works.

So, no matter how many slots for photos your online dating site gives you...

Use them all!!!

Another tip, try and get your photo taken everywhere interesting that you can.

I'm adding the following photo to my regular rotation. It'll eliminate me having to talk about snowboarding in my profile, giving me space for something else instead!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. I'll send a note out when the book is ready, but it should be by Friday!

How to get a great online dating photo when you aren't so hot.

Today, a question from a reader.

“Hey Dylan
I’ve been signed up to your newsletter for a while, and I love your emails about tactics and philosophy, but I’ve got a question about my photo.

Here it is: I’m not a super great looking guy. And I’m not in great shape. Honestly, I’d rather not send a girl a picture at all, even though I know how much it kills my chances. What can I do in my profile to make up for not having a picture?

Thanks, I’d really appreciate if you can help me out on this one, it’s tough."
Name withheld


>>MY ANSWER

Hey Man
Thanks for the question, it’s a tough one! I’m going to give you some tough love, and I’m not going to sugar coat it... much.

The quick answer is...You can’t.
No matter how great it is, a profile without a picture gets opened a fraction of the amount of times that those with one do.

What you should do is to have the best damned picture that you can possibly have.

The simplest way of doing this is to get a professional (or serious amateur) photographer who specializes in headshots to take a photo of you. You can find them on http://www.craigslist.org/ in any city in North America, cheap, and sometimes free. A good photo with the right lighting can make any guy look about 2 or 3 points hotter, easily. Wear some good clothes, get a girl to do your make up (even skin tones are very important in looking good) and get a bunch of photos that show you laughing and smiling. Women aren’t fixated on weight nearly as much as men are, but they are totally serious about a guy with a great smile and good grooming who carries himself with a sense of style and dignity.

You can have all of this, and still look like “you”. You just can’t do it in a dingy basement with snaps from your webcam.

So get a photo, step up, smile honestly, present yourself as a man, and NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE!

I don’t mean to yell, but I want you to remember that.

And if you think it’s cheating... remember women do it ALL THE TIME in real life, with layers of makeup, pushup bras, high heels, and clothes that conceal all their trouble areas.

I know someone is going to write me and say “but what about when he goes on a date and looks... less hot.” Honestly, every guy out there dating should strive to look their best at all time. Dress your best, carry yourself with a sense of masculinity, pay attention to your grooming all the time, not just in the photo, and like I said before, never apologize about what you look like.

Good luck out there, and if you want photo critiques, feel free to send them to me.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If all else fails... Go get your picture taken in a bookstore holding a book on online dating upside down. A good sense of humor trumps almost everything.

PPS. Yes, I take questions! Email them to me at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

The Greatest Aphrodisiac

The Greatest Aphrodisiac

There is one great aphrodisiac when it comes to women. It melts their shields, warms their hearts, and makes certain that she never thinks you want to just be friends.

It is your smile.

The human smile is one of the greatest communicative tools we have. It conveys our intentions, our sincerity, and our passion. It is absolutely key whether you are looking to make new friends, or are attempting to seduce a woman.

This isn’t really a secret though, and has been written about for centuries, if not millennia.

So why do I scan through so many pages of online dating profiles, and see so few smiles? Seriously, go look for yourself. Now go look at the photos you use for online dating.

I’m not going to get into WHY we don’t smile in photos. Maybe it’s because we think we look so cool, so dangerous, when we give our best badass pose. That’s at least why *I* do it anyway...

The tragedy though, is that in online dating, women (rightfully) interpret every scrap of information they can get about us. So when she sees you scowling or looking expressionless, she thinks “this guy clearly doesn’t have anything in his life to smile about.” And how attractive is that? A guy who has nothing to smile about, isn’t a guy that she wants anywhere near her.

Smiles are also transferable!

:) :) :) :) :)

:D :D :D :D :D

;) ;) ;) ;) ;)


Look! Even seeing those damn little smilies can lift your spirits slightly! It does the same for her, only on a deeper emotional level, when she sees you smiling in your photo! You are making an emotional connection with her, and that type of connection is the one that makes her remember you instead of the other 20 sourpusses that emailed her that day.

So smile, let her see your eyes, let her see who you really are. You will be surprised at how quickly and deeply women can make a connection with a guy through little things like that.

That's it for today.

Cheers!

Dylan