Online dating profile length – how long should it be?

How long should an online dating profile be?

“Hey Dylan, got your book and have used it as a point by point reference to put together a new profile. It’s fantastic, you gave me ideas I never would have come up with on my own and I’ve seen a big change in my results in the last week alone. Probably triple. I’m going to keep testing new stuff and keep improving it. One question though... how long should my profile be? Thanks, and hugely looking forward to the next newsletter!” JPD – Toronto

Hey JPD!
Thanks for the kind words, I love hearing that the book has made a difference.

To answer your question, how long should your profile be...

You’ve heard the KISS philosophy? Keep It Short and Simple?

FORGET THAT!

Short is BAD!

Reality check... We men like things short and simple. We tend to have short attention spans. I’m checking in on the latest news about Grand Theft Auto IV as I write this! Seriously!

Women on the other hand.... WANT DETAILS!
You’ve listened to women talking on the phone, swapping life stories in absolute detail. They love it, crave it, need it, adore it. So give them material! You are trying to paint them a picture of your life, you can’t do that in 2 paragraphs.

Here’s what I do:
I choose about 5 or 6 topics from the “Critical Topics That Attracts Women” list. I give each of those topics about 4-6 good sentences, usually in the form of a story to illustrate it. That makes for about 400-500 words.

Holy crap, 400+ words? Who the hell do I think I am, your friggen English teacher from Grade 10? Well... let me tell you this... I’ve tested short profiles and I’ve tested long profiles. And I’ve tested really really long profiles (in the 1000+ word range). 400-500 quality words is the magic number I’ve found.

Remember, you want to hit on at least 5 topics that she CARES about (ie. not your favorite albums and definitely not your favorite football team!) Each one needs to be illustrated in depth using examples or stories (not just adjectives!) This takes time and a bit of though, but it will be well worth it.

Remember how much time and money you put into going out to a bar or club to meet women... Investing an hour or two into writing (and re-writing) a great profile is going to pay much better dividends.

Happy Online Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Don’t forget to maximize the amount of photos you can put up. It makes a huge difference (as long as they are GOOD photos!) in how deeply a woman will connect with you.

PPS. For the list of Critical Profile Topics that Attract Women... go check out my website http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

How Akira Kurosawa got me dates...

I can certainly say that this is a headline I never expected to write...

For the record, let's call this technique...

Make her curious.

This is one of the best profile boosting techniques I know. I didn’t come up with it on purpose and was simply doing it without realizing the effect, until one of the women I had met online pointed it out to me.

Here’s what happened. I’m a big Akira Kurosawa fan. I usually mention that briefly during my profiles (especially in the “50 Words Method” coming up in a week or two). Most people probably aren’t familiar with Kurosawa, and definitely not most women. So what happened was that women would read it, not know what it meant, and become curious. A woman who is curious about you is a very good thing! If they are even slightly interested in you, they will do a quick search to find out what you are talking about, and whatever they find will reflect on your personality.

So when she looked up Kurosawa, she learned that I had classical taste in films, which gave her the idea that I was cultured. When I added it in my profile, I was simply hoping to find someone with similar taste in film. What I ended up getting was a boost in creating interest, which led to creating a deeper connection, which also led to creating a massive increase in my value through her learning that I have a sense of culture.

In your case, search your influences and loves to find something just a little out of the mainstream, enough that she won’t likely know who it is, but will be curious enough to want to find out. Don’t overplay it or talk endlessly about your love for whatever it is, you don’t want to make it look like you are trying to impress her.

My line was simply: “...and on a rainy night you can find me curled up in front of a Kurosawa masterpiece.”

Remember, she will read volumes into whatever you select to make her curious. Try and look at it from her perspective when judging how your choice will reflect on you. Had I named John McTiernan instead of Akira Kurosawa, my results might have been much less positive, at least with women.

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS

Kurosawa: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000041/

McTiernan: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001532/

"So, uh, what do you do for work?"

Six words that should strike fear into your heart...

"What do you do for work?"

This is one of the most important questions she's going to ask you, and can radically swing her impression of you one way or the other.

Why is it so important? Does she want a sugar daddy? Does she want to know that we can support her six kids?

No and no. What she wants is to know that we've got direction and purpose in our lives, and not just floating through it with a revolving door of McJobs.

But you are the CEO of Ferrari, no problem, you can tell her everything about how much money you make, the glamour and luxury that you will dote on her, and so on. Perfect?

Hah... No.

The slippery slope is that she doesn't want someone who thinks he can impress her with his job, and brags about it. That's just as ugly (OK, less ugly, but still ugly).

Now, what really turns her on...
...is that you are passionate, purposeful, and driven in the career of your choice...
...AND THAT YOU LOVE IT.

Loving what you do is one of the most important things about your work for her.

I've written variations of the following in my profiles on numerous occasions.

"Well, I should probably tell you what I do for work. Wait, you probably get a non-stop stream of guys trying to impress you like that. OK, I'm not going to fall into that category, so let me say this about my job. I love it, and look forward to it every day. And there's a whole lot of things you'll love about it too."

Or:

"And what do I do for work? Ah a great question. I'm absolutely
in love with my job, honestly, it's been my dream job since I was about 14 or
15, and every day I check myself to make sure it's real. If I'm still
doing this when I die (assuming it's a long time from now), I'll be pretty
happy."

Of course, maybe you do have a crappy job, there are a whole lot of ways to spin it into something positive. In the Online Casanova book, I've got a huge section devoted to the many ways to spin your career into something positive that she will respect. It should be available at the end of the month.

And that's your online dating profile writing tip of the week. It can also be used in email as well.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. None of this applies to gold diggers, obviously, but who cares about them anyway?

Close The Profile, Close The Deal

How do you end your profile?

Never really thought much about it, huh?

Here's a tip, at the end of your profile, or any initial contact email you send her, give her a reason to email you back. Make it easy for her. Ask her a few questions, and give her a few free questions to ask you. Writing an initial email is sometimes pretty hard (as you may know), so the easier it is for her, the more likely she is to write you.

This is a standard profile closer technique. It is something to add to the bottom of your profile as an opener for the reader to use if they want to contact you but are short of things to say.

“You’ve now reached the end of my profile. Now you’ve got to make that
all important decision to email me. But what do you say in your
email? I know it can be tough to cold email someone so...
Pick a question, any question!
-What do you do for fun? For work? With friends?
-If you could have three wishes, what would they be? And you
can’t wish for more wishes.
-Tell me the last great adventure you had in your
life.”

You should probably only offer three choices at a time, but here are some other options:

• If you could have dinner with any single famous dead person (language barrier not an issue) who would it be? And more importantly... why?


• If you were going to write a book about any one thing, what would it be... and why?
  

Notice that none of the questions are the standard boring, “what are your favorite movies, what bands do you like, what TV shows do you watch” stuff... Whatever you do, don’t bore her.

That's it for today, just a short tip that can make a big impact on the amount of emails you get. If you've got your own favorite profile closing techniques, email them to me! I'm making a compilation of profile tricks, and if I include yours, I'll send you a free copy!

Cheers!

Dylan

Miss These Profile Topics and Lose The Girl

One of the hard parts of writing a profile, is trying to decide which topics to talk about. Most profiles become a mishmash of bad self-reflection, a stack of adjectives, or a long list of hobbies.

And most of those really aren't that interesting to her.

So what is interesting to her?

Here is a list of topics that women want to read about. If you include all of them in your profile, you will look well rounded, deep, and interesting.

So here they are, in no particular order:

Family:

Knowing that you have a relationship with your family gives her the impression that you are grounded, trustworthy, and have a sense of responsibility. It doesn't have to be perfect, but you should let her know that they are there, and you all get along with some level of civility. If you have a fun relationship with them, definitely point it out.

Travel:

Travel is adventure, adventure is romance! Travel is one thing that everyone has in common. If if she doesn't travel, you can bet your life that she wants to travel. By sharing some of your experiences, you will appear adventurous, and hopefully find some commonalities between the two of you.

Pets:

Sappy but true. Women love animals, and women love men who love animals. If you've ever had a pet, or better yet, have one now, let her know. It tells her that you have a strong enough sense of reliability to keep another creature alive besides yourself. Also that you are a big mushball.

Kids:

No, not yours (unless you do have them), but if you can give her an example of being loved by kids (like your brother's kids) then she will know that you have some endearing qualities in you, and also more importantly, that people consider you trustworthy enough to let around their kids.

Friends:

People who don't have many friends tend not to be desirable for one reason or another, whether it be anti-social tendencies or bad body odor. So tell her a little about your friends, about having healthy and happy relationships with them, and about what kind of a friend you are. This will help her imagine you in her social circle, and tell her that you aren't a total weirdo.

Career:

Women don't all want to know what job you have and how much money you make, but they all absolutely want to know that you are gainfully employed, financially stable, and responsible with money. You don't have to disclose your job or your income, but if you let her know that you have that part of your life handled and she won't be paying your credit cards off for the next 10 years, she will be more open to meeting.

Have fun!

Dylan

Ps. Note that sports and hobbies are NOT included in that list. They really aren't that important to most women.

Four Compliments You Shouldn't Use

Nice


Hot


Cute


Sexy

Those are the four compliments that you should never give a girl.

And why not? They are perfectly valid compliments, and girls like to hear nice things said about them right?

Well, yes, except the fact that she hears all those things from a dozen guys a day. Stacking your lame compliments to the list really gets you nowhere. In fact, it tells her that you are just as uncreative as the other dozen guys that told her more or less the same thing.

Instead, if you want to compliment her, this is how it's done.

“You have very kissable lips.” (a personal favorite)

“You have the most sincere, kind eyes. I can’t help but keep going back to look at them.”

“That’s the most sinful smile I’ve ever seen. God only knows what you were thinking when that picture was taken.”

“Your skin is gorgeous, smooth, flawless. It glows!”

“You have laughter in your eyes and in your smile. I bet you are a fantastic person to hang out with.”

“I love your look. You have a playful innocence about you that’s probably lost on most. I bet you get tired of hearing ‘great bod’ or ‘nice bikini’ from the guys who email you.”

So, what are you really doing with these compliments? You aren’t just giving her superficial validation, any guy can do that. You are doing two very special and very powerful things.

First, you are showing her that you are better than the average guy, because you are insightful enough to be able to recognize those deeper qualities in her, even from a still picture, and appreciate those little things more than her big rack or curvy ass.

Secondly, you are showing her an image of how she perceives herself unconsciously, who she really wants to be, and valuing her as she needs to be valued. This is critical for building attraction with you, and is dealt with heavily in the Online Casanova book. There is too much to explain here, but mirroring her True Image and showing her that you understand her soul, is the most powerful way to get her to fall in love with you.

This is the tip of an iceberg.
Use it wisely.

Dylan

How a little homework goes a long way...

Ever see a movie where the guy gets two different women he is dating mixed up?
It’s funny... WHEN IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE ELSE.

It isn't be funny when it happens to you!

Trust me...

...It can happen a whole lot easier than you think.

If you are juggling 5 email conversations at a time and have had 4 messenger chats with other girls just before you go out on your date with her, it doesn’t take much for information to blur from one girl to the next. Nothing much can make you look like a bigger asshole than asking how her parents are doing when she told you in the first email that they both passed away in a car crash 10 years ago.

To avoid this, always do a little homework before you craft a reply to an email, go into a MSN or phone conversation, or before going on a date... especially before going on a date!

* Re-read all your previous interactions with her, from the first email to the last.

* Re-read any previous chat conversations with her.

* Maintain a document with all her important information: family, work, interests, dreams, where she’s traveled, etc...

* Make that into a cheat sheet that you read over before going into a live conversation, or a date.

* If you are going to meet her in person, or talk over the phone, repeat her name over and over and over in your head until you push out the names of all the other girls that are in there. Nothing is more insulting than forgetting her name, or worse, mixing it up with that of another girl.

(cough)

So I hear.

Have fun!

Dylan

The Steps to Online Seduction

By the time you go for your first date with the girl, she should already be seduced. There should be no need to impress her with your bad stories, fancy car, or wad of cash when you pay for dinner.

If you've played your cards correctly, she should already want you.

So what is the process?
1) Grab her attention!
2) Stand out from the crowd
3) Draw her into your world
4) Display your value
5) Take her on an emotional adventure
6) Be desirable, be rare.

It's easy to grab her attention with a great picture and sexy headline.
Standing out from the crowd is pretty simple, if only because most guys a terrible at online dating.
Drawing her into your world comes from transferring your life into words and images.
Displaying your value is describing the things she wants the most, but in images, not adjectives.
You must make her feel something: laughter, sorrow, passion, joy. These are easier to acheive than you might think.
More on that later.

Online Dating - Science or Art?

Online dating... science or art?
Definitely a lot of both. One thing is for certain, online dating is no longer for geeks, nerds, social outcasts and the most introverted of society. The good news is that it has been embraced by smart, sexy, successful women. The bad news is, for every woman there are ten men. This means that as a guy, you can't rely just on basic descriptions that once worked years ago. Competition is fierce. There are literally hundreds of men vying for a few select women. So what do you need?
A strategy?
A tactical advantage?
A secret weapon?
Yes, yes, yes!

And this blog is dedicated to giving it to you.
Thanks for reading!