Thursday, March 5, 2009

Online dating profile writing tips: Make your descriptions LIKE DARTS

Have you ever thrown a dart that didn’t have a pointed tip?
Like you unscrew the weighted sharp metal tip, and just toss the feathered shaft?
Wanna know what happens?

It bounces off the target.

Now stick that pointed tip back on there and BOOM! It sinks deep into the target and stays.

So what’s my, um... point?

Your online dating profile descriptions need to have a pointed tip, so they stick in the reader’s mind. And how do you do this? Images.

Each thing you decide should be illustrated by a story or example (this is the weighted part of the dart) that contains ONE KEY IMAGE (this is the pointed tip of the dart).

See, people remember images much better than they remember anything else. So if you want to describe in your dating profile the trait of loyalty (the feathered shaft of the dart), then you need to illustrate it with an example (the weighted head of the dart that gives it heft), and, here is the critical part... that illustrated example must have one key image (the sharp point that sticks in the target).

An example? Sure.

Let’s say I wanted people reading my online dating profile on Craigslist to know that I was athletic.

Stage one, the feathers of the dart: “I’m athletic.”
Ok, that defines the direction you are going, but is going to fall flat instantly.

Stage two, add the weight: “I work out at the gym every week.”
Ah, that will make it fly a lot further.

Stage three, add the sharp point: “Sure my dingy green gym always seems to be filled with sweaty wrinkly old people, but I still work out every week.”
That image, although not the prettiest ever, will stick. They will forget that you are athletic, they will forget that you work out every week... but they will not forget your dingy green gym full of sweaty wrinkly old people!

You can overuse this technique!
You are NOT writing a cheesy romance novel. Don’t add 4 syllable adjectives and adverbs to everything you talk about. This is lame and makes you look like a sleezebag. One key trait = one key image, no more! And don't write cheese.

For example, this is BAD:
“You can find me at the gym, panting hotly as my huge thick biceps pump cold hard steel up and down, up and down, until my long hair falls over my eyes and sweat drips down my bulging smooth chest.”
I’m obviously writing to men here. I’ve never seen a woman write anything like that ever, but I’m sure it would be a hit. ;)

Cheers and happy dating in ’09!


PS. Just so you know, the image of you looking down on old people may make you look shallow, and might only draw shallow narcissists who also look down on wrinkly old people, to your profile. Use at your own risk.

Monday, October 13, 2008 dating tips online

So you want to date on personals section? It can be extremely competitive, but also extremely rewarding. Here are some tips that will help you succeed:

Post your own ad instead of replying to others. This is a matter of numbers... if you have your own ad up there, you’ll get a way better result for the time you put it. Having people come to you is better than fighting the competition and replying to someone else’s ad. Also, the vast majority of people dating on Craigslist are browsing ads, not posting them, so by placing your own ad, you’ll tap into the main bulk of Craigslist daters.

Have 4 photos, all of them good, all of them of you. You know that people reading Craigslist personals always skip down the listings to the posts with photos attached, right? If you don’t have a picture, don’t bother playing the game at all. Having said that, your picture must be of YOU... not a sunset, not a rose, not even a super close-up of your eye... these are just ways of cheating the reader, and people know it. If you really want to shine over the other posts, use four photos (the Craigslist max), make all of them of you, and all of them good (see my article on how to have good photos!)
Tips on having a good photo:
Tips for women on what photo NOT to use:

Don’t try to be cool and quirky. For some reason, people think posting quizzes, political views, and “10 weird things about me” is a great way to date on Craigslist. Don’t do this. Instead, be yourself and write a post that represents who you are and highlights the most attractive aspects of your life (ie. A dating profile). All the standard Online Casanova rules apply here: show don’t tell, be funny and unique, showcase your most valuable masculine/feminine traits... and so on.

Headlines count! Online dating headlines aren’t as important on sites where your picture shows up in the profile list... but in Craigslist, where it doesn’t, you need to pay more attention to the headline. For starters, read my article on bad online dating headlines here:
Then try to create something unique, funny, or visual. Don’t stop with the first one, write many and test them against each other.

And finally... put some effort in! If you look at a lot of “men seeking women” and “women seeking men” posts, you’ll be horrified by how weak an attempt some people make. You should put in a minimum of 300 words, spaced out to 4 or 5 unique paragraphs... don’t clump it all together. Sometimes the best way to stand out from the crowd is just to show up and do a good job!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

Friday, August 15, 2008

Online Dating Tips - Profile writing advice on cooking!

Some online dating profile writing advice today...

I have bad news for all the guys who write about cooking for women in their profile... It has become an online dating cliché... one of those things that used to be unique, until 500,000 other guys started writing nearly the same thing too. If all your competition is saying the same thing, it holds little value at all for you.

Yes, you can jazz it up with all sorts of wonderful, descriptive details about succulent meats, crisp fresh vegetables and rare red wines... but when it comes down to it, you are still conveying the same thing as everyone else.

And the rule is... if every other guy is doing it, it’s bad. Period.

So am I telling you to kill any talk of cooking out of your profile? No. Instead, we’re going to kick it up a notch. BAM! (sorry Emeril). Remember rule #1 of online dating... BE DIFFERENT. So we are going to take cooking and spin it with something else.

Here are a few clips I’ve used to stand out from the crowd when it comes to talking about food. Sure, you can “borrow” them outright, but you’ll have better luck if you can adapt them to your own situation.

“I love to cook... but apparently so does every other guy on here, so I’m not going to bore you with details of what my kitchen smells like or how much you’ll drool at the table... because we’ll rarely eat at my place! I think if you have a great meal, you should also have a great location, so I’ve become the master of the picnic! I have 8 great spots around town, secluded, but with fantastic views that I’d love to take you to... you... me... dinner under the stars...”

The focus of this is to point out that you aren’t like other guys. The picnics are unique (a classic romantic image) and including her in the image/scenario never hurts. You could go on to describe what you are eating, or where you would take her, but a good picnic is absolutely a winner... and a rarity. Of course, this is for fair weather dating only...

Here’s another.

“You know where I’d love to take you on a date? The drive in. Come on, how long has it been since you’ve gone to one? Me, you, a screen the size of a building... and of course, I’m packing our own food... some pre-made BBQ chicken skewers, roasted potatoes, Greek salad, and a classic red wine... and of course, hot buttered popcorn from the concession building for dessert!”

Of course, if you don’t have a drive-in theater near you, this one doesn’t apply. If you do, it’s both a money date, and a fantastic hook in your profile.

And yet one more.

“Apparently, I’m the only guy on this site who ISN’T an aspiring gourmet chef... No, I’ve never taken cooking lessons, and my kitchen isn’t filled with aromas of stinky French cheeses and savory fresh weeds... Oh, I did consider cooking lessons, but I figured I’ve gotten this far on the skills mom taught me, I’d save my time and take massage lessons instead. I figured, after a long hard day at work, a foot rub always trumps a hot meal!”

This is the most definitive way of being different... shout it out up front! Poke a little fun at all the other guys! Women reading hundreds of men’s profiles will relate. You do need to fill in the blank with something else, in this case I chose massage skills, but it could be anything else, dancing skills or whatever... and of course, the shout out to good old mom never hurts.

Remember, whatever you do, it has to be significantly different than everyone else!

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. A quick plug for my book, Online Casanova, which has a whole chapter on the art of mastering descriptive writing, and another on displaying value. Check it out:

Friday, August 1, 2008

Online Dating Advice - Women's top 5 online dating profile turn ons

Online Dating Tips - For Men: Women's top 5 online dating profile turn ons!

I recently had the opportunity to talk to a large group of women who were all online dating. When the chance came up, I took a little survey and asked them what really turned them on when they were reading a guy’s profile. Five things stood out above all the rest.

1. Spelling and punctuation – This won by a landslide. Good spelling and punctuation are a sign of intelligence and education, two prized traits for most women. This one is so easy to do too... simply write your profile in MS Word, and let it do all the work for you! You don’t need to know what a dangling participle is, but you’d sure better know the difference between “there”, “they’re”, and “their.”

2. A sense of humor – Saying “I’m funny” doesn’t count for anything! You need to actually display a sense of humor in your profile. This doesn’t always mean being funny, although if you can make her laugh, you are money! If you can’t make her laugh, then focus on displaying a more lighthearted sense of humor, showing her that you can joke about anything.

3. Effort in the profile – Doesn’t it kind of surprise you that women are turned on simply by guys who actually write a lot in their profile, demonstrating that they are willing to put effort into what they do? If you think about it, it actually makes sense... if you don’t put effort into the profile, you probably won’t put effort into much else in life either.

4. External interests – Women appreciate a man who cares about life outside himself, and takes interest or action in social, political, or environmental concerns. Caring about the local sports team doesn’t count, you need to display that you care for something above and beyond.

5. Masculine traits – Women love a manly man. Any way you can describe it in your profile, you’ll become more valuable to her. Remember, we are talking manly here, repairing a car counts, repairing your Playstation doesn’t. Climbing a mountain counts, playing Ultimate (sadly) doesn’t. Remember, illustrate each with an image filled description of a specific event!

Here are a few other traits that made the list:
- Upbeat, positive attitude
- Smiling in photos (this is massively important, guys!)
- Photos of you doing something fun/displaying a fun life
- Confidence without arrogance
- Passion or the pursuit of something (dreams, goals, aspirations)

Use this like a checklist, go over your profile and see how many of these you actually hit. If it isn’t all of them, it’s time to sit down and do a little more writing!

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Have you read Online Dating Profile Secrets? It's FREE. Go download it at

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Why you aren't attracting the women (or men) you really want...


“Hi Dylan,
Your book is FANTASTIC! I’ve been a pretty shy guy for most of my life, and I’m a little ashamed to admit that this is the first time I’ve ever really had an option with women. I’m 38, been divorced for 3 years, and just don’t like going out to bars. I was 100% dateless for a solid year before I tried online dating. I was lucky enough to find your book within the first month I started, otherwise I probably would have given up pretty quickly, so thank you!

I’m going on a steady 1 date per week, just because I don’t have time for more... I do get emails from about 4 or 5 new women a day, I just don’t have time to follow up on all of them. So, here’s my question... Since I’m short on time, how do I narrow down the specific qualities I want in a woman? I’ve made a list in my profile, but it hasn’t
changed anything.
Your advice is appreciated!”
-Harris C.
New Jersey


Harris! First, congratulations on success! Going from -0- women to 52 dates a year is excellent! Good work man!

Ok, forget what you’ve heard about writing lists from “The Secret” and other self-help stuff about attracting people... lists don’t work.

If anything, lists are going to kill the responses you are getting.

First, it’s going to turn off the people who don’t fit 100% of the categories on your list.
Second, it can make you look self-centered.
Third, no one ever... EVVVVER... reads a list and says “Hey, I’m exactly what he’s looking for, I’d better email him right away!” They are either interested in your profile or they aren’t, you list isn’t going to sway them one way or another.

Lists don’t magically attract your dream person.
So how DO you attract the person you want?

First, you need to forget about specific numbers.
28-32 years old?


Numbers are limiters, not attractors...
You must start thinking about your dream girl in terms of PERSONALITY and LIFESTYLE. This is easier to attract through an online dating profile, and arguably will find you a much better match.

Think of the ideal girl for you in terms of what type of personality you are attracted to. What traits do you seek the most? Sweet and shy? Fun and wild? Serious and dependable? Figure out what you want the most... and instead of saying that’s what you are looking for... TALK ABOUT THAT TRAIT IN YOURSELF.

Wait, how does that work?
Simple. People are attracted to that which they see in themselves.

You want to attract the wild, crazy, adventurous type? You’d better be talking about the wild, crazy, adventurous times you have...

You want a sporty, athletic, fit woman? You’re profile better have some good descriptions of all the sports you play and the time you put in at the gym...

You want a girl who is a challenge? Then challenge her in your profile.

Lifestyle follows the same rule, like attracts like. She is looking for a specific lifestyle, and in order to attract her, you need to present your lifestyle in the proper light.

Note: sorry you can’t lie about this one, as soon as she meets you in real life, it’s over... so no Ferraris & private jets to Monaco, ok? On the other hand, you can certainly play up the most attractive parts of your lifestyle and present them in the best light.

You want someone who loves to travel and see the world? Talk about the last three trips you took.

You want someone who is into comic books or sci-fi? Talk about the last convention you went to.

You want someone who skis or snowboards? Talk about you favorite mountain.

This process of writing about your own traits and experience to match those that you want to find in a woman, is called MIRRORING. It is the basics attracting a specific type of woman though online dating. This is of course a very quick introduction to it, you can find a much more detailed explanation in Online Casanova: For Men, including how to attract a specific look/shape of woman, women in certain careers, etc...

You know the website by now:

Happy dating!
Dylan Alexander

PS. Quickly about the “look” thing, while you can narrow it down, you’ll exclude so many other women who you might be attracted to. I suggest letting all women of any “look” contact you, and then sort through the ones you find most attractive. It’s simpler that way and leaves you with better options to choose from.

Friday, July 4, 2008

How do you date younger women online?

Dating younger women online is possible, but not always easy. Here's how:

> > > Question of the week:
“I am curious. I have been doing online dating for over a year now. Bought numerous programs, **** *’s and Dylan’s (Online Casanova). Both have very good points but prefer Dylan’s. I am 50, divorced, decent looking with a good sense of humor. I'm sure my profile could be better. Dylan, you asked if you could use it for a newsletter, (the one about "stop staring and read my profile".) It’s funny but maybe not quite good enough yet.
Here’s my problem. I have found it very difficult to get girls under 40 interested and even the ones closer to my age have really not been too attractive. I have been on Yahoo, match, and p.o.f.( I have also been trying to learn in the past year not to be an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) so that when I do get a meet up I will keep up the attraction.”
-JGP, Oregon

> > > My response

Hey JGP!
Thanks for the props on the book. I’m still planning on doing a review of your profile in the newsletter, I’ve just been focusing on launching a new version of the website, so I’ve let the newsletters slack a bit. Another two weeks and they will be back up to speed.

So.... the younger women question...

By now you know the problem (as does every guy reading this) of trying to date much younger women online. They simply filter out older guys based on their perception of how much above their age they THINK they want to date. In real life, this is much easier to get past, as you can win a girl over with your charms before she even thinks about the age gap.

Online, it isn’t nearly as easy.

Here are the three options if you want to date younger women...

Option 1 – Lie
Don’t do this. It’s an option, sure, but don’t. You’ll almost never get past the first date once she realizes that you lied about your age.

Option 2 – Mirroring
If you’ve read Online Casanova, you know what Mirroring is. It’s the concept that people are attracted to that which they see in themselves. Free spirits are attracted to free spirits, corporate types are attracted to corporate types, artists are attracted to artists... etc....

So, all you have to do is to figure out what that younger woman sees herself as, and mirror it in your emails. Reflect her true identity. She will be yours.

Easy? Hell no. This is probably the most difficult option to get younger women. It also breaks the rule of congruency, which is that you must always be yourself, otherwise your first date is going to fail when she realizes that you aren’t who you suggested you were.

Here’s one of my posts on congruency:

For more on Mirroring, here’s a post on my blog that will help:

Option 3 – Offer her something unique
Here’s the truth... younger women date older men in real life... younger women often PREFER dating older men in real life.

Why? Because older men can offer them something that men their age can’t.
Here’s a short list of what you might have to offer a younger women:
* Class
* Culture
* Emotional honesty
* Expanding her world
* Understanding her

Women crave these traits in men, and almost NEVER get enough of them in men their own age. Even if they do, they can often get much more of it in an older man.

The first two traits, Class and Culture, are straightforward. Women are always attracted to these two. Why? Maybe it’s because they were brought up on Disney fairytales where the princess finds her handsome prince and lives happily ever after. A noble prince is always the mark of class and culture. (That’s just my crazy “drank too much coffee today” theory...)

Displaying this in your profile is a matter of personal reflection. If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you know you can’t just SAY “I’m classy and cultured,” you have to SHOW HER that you are classy and cultured. Put up a photo of you in a tuxedo, write about that art gallery you went to in Prague, or talk about how you volunteer for the local musical center charity. I find the photo of the tux works the best, in all honesty.

The last three points, emotional honesty, expanding her world, and understanding her, are all tied up in her emotional state. Emotion is the drug of choice for women. Remember, to draw women in, you need to mirror these traits out to her. So...

1) Speak honestly about your emotions (but do it in a manly way, don’t be a wuss)

2) Talk about how you’ve expanded your own world (in terms of class/culture/travel/lifestyle, etc...)

3) Read the subtext of her profile and speak directly to that. This is covered extensively in Online Casanova, and is one of the best online dating skills you can learn. The gist is that you read what she is really saying in her profile, and then mirror that back to her. She’ll be blown away by how you understand her for who she really is (no one ever does this online).

The last bit of advice in Option 3... is that you can’t pursue her. Women are super wary of older guys chasing them. Never make her think that you are after her, need her, or are trying to validate yourself by dating younger women. You’ve got to display this massive value to her, then let her come towards you. Think George Clooney or even Sean Connery on this one.

Give that a try, and remember this:
If you make an issue out of it, it will definitely become a bigger issue for her. If she challenges you on it, blow it off.

If she pulls out “you’re too old for me” card, try the following:

“Yes... it would be a terrible scandal... everyone would talk. ;) ”

What woman doesn’t love a good scandal? That’ll catch her off guard. Then just keep going with your reply and never bring it up again.

Happy dating!
Dylan Alexander

PS. I should point out that if you are dating women more than 5 years younger than you, give yourself a pat on the back... 5 years difference is the age cap for most women online.

PPS. Free plug for my book! Get $10 off with this code: xk150s

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Online Dating Tips For Women Now Available

Online dating tips for men have been my niche for the last year... but after spending about 5 months researching and testing, I'm proud to launch ONLINE CASANOVA - FOR WOMEN!

You can find more about Online Casanova - For Women here:
Tell all your girl friends!
Dylan Alexander