Online Dating Tips - Profile writing advice on cooking!

Some online dating profile writing advice today...

I have bad news for all the guys who write about cooking for women in their profile... It has become an online dating cliché... one of those things that used to be unique, until 500,000 other guys started writing nearly the same thing too. If all your competition is saying the same thing, it holds little value at all for you.

Yes, you can jazz it up with all sorts of wonderful, descriptive details about succulent meats, crisp fresh vegetables and rare red wines... but when it comes down to it, you are still conveying the same thing as everyone else.

And the rule is... if every other guy is doing it, it’s bad. Period.

So am I telling you to kill any talk of cooking out of your profile? No. Instead, we’re going to kick it up a notch. BAM! (sorry Emeril). Remember rule #1 of online dating... BE DIFFERENT. So we are going to take cooking and spin it with something else.

Here are a few clips I’ve used to stand out from the crowd when it comes to talking about food. Sure, you can “borrow” them outright, but you’ll have better luck if you can adapt them to your own situation.

“I love to cook... but apparently so does every other guy on here, so I’m not going to bore you with details of what my kitchen smells like or how much you’ll drool at the table... because we’ll rarely eat at my place! I think if you have a great meal, you should also have a great location, so I’ve become the master of the picnic! I have 8 great spots around town, secluded, but with fantastic views that I’d love to take you to... you... me... dinner under the stars...”

The focus of this is to point out that you aren’t like other guys. The picnics are unique (a classic romantic image) and including her in the image/scenario never hurts. You could go on to describe what you are eating, or where you would take her, but a good picnic is absolutely a winner... and a rarity. Of course, this is for fair weather dating only...

Here’s another.

“You know where I’d love to take you on a date? The drive in. Come on, how long has it been since you’ve gone to one? Me, you, a screen the size of a building... and of course, I’m packing our own food... some pre-made BBQ chicken skewers, roasted potatoes, Greek salad, and a classic red wine... and of course, hot buttered popcorn from the concession building for dessert!”

Of course, if you don’t have a drive-in theater near you, this one doesn’t apply. If you do, it’s both a money date, and a fantastic hook in your profile.

And yet one more.

“Apparently, I’m the only guy on this site who ISN’T an aspiring gourmet chef... No, I’ve never taken cooking lessons, and my kitchen isn’t filled with aromas of stinky French cheeses and savory fresh weeds... Oh, I did consider cooking lessons, but I figured I’ve gotten this far on the skills mom taught me, I’d save my time and take massage lessons instead. I figured, after a long hard day at work, a foot rub always trumps a hot meal!”

This is the most definitive way of being different... shout it out up front! Poke a little fun at all the other guys! Women reading hundreds of men’s profiles will relate. You do need to fill in the blank with something else, in this case I chose massage skills, but it could be anything else, dancing skills or whatever... and of course, the shout out to good old mom never hurts.

Remember, whatever you do, it has to be significantly different than everyone else!

Cheers and happy dating!


Dylan Alexander

PS. A quick plug for my book, Online Casanova, which has a whole chapter on the art of mastering descriptive writing, and another on displaying value. Check it out:
http://onlinecasanova.com/salespage_men.php

Online Dating Advice - Women's top 5 online dating profile turn ons

Online Dating Tips - For Men: Women's top 5 online dating profile turn ons!

I recently had the opportunity to talk to a large group of women who were all online dating. When the chance came up, I took a little survey and asked them what really turned them on when they were reading a guy’s profile. Five things stood out above all the rest.

1. Spelling and punctuation – This won by a landslide. Good spelling and punctuation are a sign of intelligence and education, two prized traits for most women. This one is so easy to do too... simply write your profile in MS Word, and let it do all the work for you! You don’t need to know what a dangling participle is, but you’d sure better know the difference between “there”, “they’re”, and “their.”

2. A sense of humor – Saying “I’m funny” doesn’t count for anything! You need to actually display a sense of humor in your profile. This doesn’t always mean being funny, although if you can make her laugh, you are money! If you can’t make her laugh, then focus on displaying a more lighthearted sense of humor, showing her that you can joke about anything.

3. Effort in the profile – Doesn’t it kind of surprise you that women are turned on simply by guys who actually write a lot in their profile, demonstrating that they are willing to put effort into what they do? If you think about it, it actually makes sense... if you don’t put effort into the profile, you probably won’t put effort into much else in life either.

4. External interests – Women appreciate a man who cares about life outside himself, and takes interest or action in social, political, or environmental concerns. Caring about the local sports team doesn’t count, you need to display that you care for something above and beyond.

5. Masculine traits – Women love a manly man. Any way you can describe it in your profile, you’ll become more valuable to her. Remember, we are talking manly here, repairing a car counts, repairing your Playstation doesn’t. Climbing a mountain counts, playing Ultimate (sadly) doesn’t. Remember, illustrate each with an image filled description of a specific event!

Here are a few other traits that made the list:
- Upbeat, positive attitude
- Smiling in photos (this is massively important, guys!)
- Photos of you doing something fun/displaying a fun life
- Confidence without arrogance
- Passion or the pursuit of something (dreams, goals, aspirations)

Use this like a checklist, go over your profile and see how many of these you actually hit. If it isn’t all of them, it’s time to sit down and do a little more writing!

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Have you read Online Dating Profile Secrets? It's FREE. Go download it at http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Profile Help - Life Timeline Images

Online dating profile help - Life Timeline Images

I have a new technique to offer you. This is not in the Online Casanova book (yet). It is something I’ve been testing over the last month on my own, with some solid results.

I’m calling the technique “Life Timeline Images”.

Here’s the theory:
Part of the difficulty in making a connection over the internet is getting the other person to perceive you as a live human being, not just as a new email in their inbox. When you are on a date in real life, this is easy, as they have a real live touchable version of you. When all they have are words, it is a little more difficult to do.

To compensate for this in your profile (if you follow the Online Casanova system) you create images of your life while sharing experiences. Usually this happens to be about the current state of your life, and stuff you’ve done recently.

I’ve been testing ways of taking this to a new level, and found that I get a much quicker and deeper connection with people reading my profile when I present them with an image of how my life has evolved through time.

Now, I do not mean you should write a calendar detailing your life! Don’t write “when I was six, I did... when I was ten, I did...” While that can work, it isn’t quite what I mean. I actually did try this several times with some results, but the method I’m going to show you will do much better.

When you write your profile, you choose (I hope) things to talk about based on the value they add to your reader’s perception of you. So you talk about what cool sports you play, your strong bonds with friends and family, or what wild adventures you have... which is good. But as I said, most people only refer to things from the last couple years of their lives.

I suggest you go deep. Bring something up from your childhood. Toss in an anecdote from your teenage years. Add in a great adventure from your 20’s. Build your reader a picture of you throughout your life. Add at least one experience from every decade of your life. Build the rest of your value from examples from your current life (the last year).

But don’t stop there! Look to your future as well. Talk briefly about where you want to be, what your goals are and what else you hope to achieve. Adding the future glimpse of your life gives the reader some perspective as to what they might expect to be a part of in the year(s) to come.

But don’t make your goals ridiculous, materialistic, or vague.
Bad example: "I want to be CEO of my own company and make a million a year. "
No one really believes this anyway.

Instead, make your future goals specific, detailed, and achievable.
Good example: "Next year I want to live in Cannes for two months while I finish writing my travel book. "
Ah, that’s something a little more concrete that people can visualize!

One additional note for the women... don’t talk about wanting to have kids. This usually hurts your profile response as men tend to interpret it as “I want babies NOW!”

So... create a life timeline in your profile and build up your reader’s perception of your past, present and future. This will make a huge difference in how they connect with you, and will make your profile stand out immensely above all others.

One more thought on this before I wrap it up... This technique also works very well in reverse! When writing to someone, ask them about their past, present, and future. You’ll get a much different picture about the person you are talking to than if you just ask them about what they did that day, or what they think about the local sports team of choice. Plus, having smart and interesting questions for them makes you look smart and interesting too!

This also works in real life when you are on a date, talking to your friends, or meeting someone for the first time!

Have fun out there.

Dylan Alexander
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

PS. I’d love to see examples of how you work a life timeline into your profile, or hear about how it has worked to improve your online dating. Feel free to write me back at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

What do you do for work?

"What do you do for work?"

You already know it, but this is one of the most important questions (for her) she's going to ask you, and can radically swing her impression of you one way or the other.

Why is it so important to women anyway? Can’t they just love us for our mad bedroom skills and sweet comic book collections? Does she really want a sugar daddy to buy her stuff? Or does she want to know that we can support her and her six kids in luxury?

Fortunately, most of the time, the answer is “no” to all counts (again... most of the time). What she really wants to know when she asks us about our jobs, is whether or not we’ve got direction and purpose in our lives, and are not just floating along with a revolving door of McJobs. Direction and purpose are very attractive!

Wait, what if you are the CEO of Ferrari? No problem, you can tell her everything about how much money you make, the glamour and luxury that you will dote on her, and so on. Perfect? Hah... No.

There is a flip side... Most women don't want someone who thinks he can impress her with his job. That's ugly to women as well. They hate men who brag about their jobs and wealth.

Now, what really turns her on in the job department...
...is that you are passionate, purposeful and driven in the career of your choice...
...AND THAT YOU LOVE IT.

Loving what you do is one of the most important things you can tell her about your work.

I've written variations of the following on many occasions:

"Well, I should probably tell you what I do for work. Wait, you probably get a non-stop stream of guys trying to impress you like that. OK, I'm not going to fall into that category, so let me say this about my job. I love it, and look forward to it every day. And there are a whole lot of things you'll love about it too."

Or:

"And what do I do for work? Ah a great question. I'm absolutely in love with my job, honestly, it's been my dream job since I was about 14 or 15, and every day I check myself to make sure it's real. If I'm still doing this when I die (assuming it's a long time from now), I'll be pretty happy."

Of course, maybe you do have a crappy job, there are a whole lot of ways to spin it into something positive. In the Online Casanova book, I've got a huge section devoted to the many ways to spin things into a positive light.
Check it out at: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/ if you haven’t yet.

So what if you have a job that you hate?
Well, I’ve got three other options for you:

1) Talk about the strongest positive aspects of your job. This would be things such as the importance of your work, the respect you get from your peers, the great team you manage, and so on...

2) If that isn’t the case and you can’t find any strong positive traits to talk about, then instead talk about other work that you do love, but isn’t your day job. Maybe you are a freelance photographer or web designer on the side... Maybe you coach a local sports team... Maybe you volunteer as a bikini contest judge... Hey, a passion is a passion!

3) Last case scenario... do something about your dead end job! Seriously! Get the hell out of whatever soul killing career you are doing, and take something in a field you love, even if it is less money. Look, life is short, pursue your dreams, take chances... you’ve got nothing to lose and can always go back to your old job if it doesn’t work out.

Ok, ok, so you didn’t sign up for my work advice, back to online dating!

The moral of this newsletter is: speak passionately about everything you do, whether it is your job, sports, hobbies, etc... Women are much more attracted to a man who is full of passion for his life than a man who makes a lot of money. Well, except for gold diggers, but who wants them?


Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Quick plug for my book! Check it out at:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Great online dating profiles are like great road trips

Great online dating profiles are like great road trips.

Now, a great road trip can be a lot of things to a different people, so let me explain what I’m talking about, and how exactly, your profile should be like one.

1) No matter what anyone says, you do need some direction. Your destination can be fluid, but you always have to have somewhere in mind to keep pointing your car towards. Your profile is the same way. It needs to point to something. You are taking your readers on a journey through an image of your life, not just floating around a few vague points.

2) Every pit stop is an opportunity for some fun. If you are on a 2 or 3 day drive, and don’t take the opportunity to have some fun along the way, you won’t remember a damn thing about the trip. If on the other hand, you slow down and see “Utah’s biggest chicken” or the license place museum... those are going to be fun events that stay in your mind long after the trip is over. Your profile has be spruced up with the same fun events. It can’t just be your resume, it has to have some “local character”.

3) Every major stop... err... every paragraph, is a new place that has to offer the reader something new. If every city along the way was the same, it would be one boring trip. Each paragraph should be new and distinct, so the reader knows that if they keep going, they’ll keep getting to learn and see more.

4) Scenery is important. Interesting and diverse scenery is good. 1200 miles of plains is hell! In your profile, keep your scenery, and by scenery I mean descriptive stories and images, varied and interesting. You don’t have to go heavy handed, you just have to spice up each paragraph a little to keep the reader’s mind engaged.

Hope that helps you define your profile a little bit.
Now... my bags are packed, waiting by the door, and I’ve got a 1200 mile drive ahead of me (which is why this newsletter is so short) for some sun and surfing. Yes, I could have flown, but there’s something good seeing it all from the ground. What would you like me to bring you back? A little snowglobe with a pelican in it or a keychain, with a scorpion incased in resin in the handle?

Have a great weekend!

Dylan Alexander

PS. $4 a gallon? Argh!

PPS. http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Tips - The Opening Paragraph!

Online dating profile tips are great and profile writing help for internet dating is easy to give...

But if someone doesn’t read your whole profile, what’s the point? Today, we’re going to focus right down on the opening paragraph, and how to build it so the reader gets sucked into your profile.

We start with a question:

***QUESTION***
Hey Mr. Online Casanova
I’ve been following your newsletter and advice for a while now and finally bought the Online Casanova book last week. Totally awesome. Each chapter was like a giant “aha!” moment! The strategies you gave me let me look at online dating in a whole new light, and I’ve re-written my profile from scratch.

One question for you though, in Online Casanova you talk a lot about representing your masculine value, and creating images. I think I’ve nailed the masculine value, but not sure really how to wok in images. Can you take a look at my profile and give me some feedback? Just want to make sure I’m on the same track.

Thanks! "
Berle, Vancouver, Canada

“It’s a beautiful day, skies are blue, and birds are chirping. I hope you find yourself in an equally good mood. So who am I? I come from a long line of white water rafters. My family has a tour company up in ******. While I work as a writer in the city most of the year, I take the summers off to go work as a guide on their boats. Yes I get some crazy pleasure out of pushing the boat past its limits, and watching tourists hang on for dear life!”

***Note: for space, I’ve just included the first paragraph*** -Dylan

***MY REPLY***

Berle!
For starters, thanks for buying the book, and thanks for writing. It’s always good to get feedback. Sure, I’d love to take a look at your profile, but for the sake of length in the newsletter, I’m only going to tackle the first paragraph here.

I’m glad to see you were paying attention, you’ve certainly got a way better opener than most people write. You write “in character”, presenting some personality, and speaking to the reader directly. You also display a very interesting slice of your life, one that most outdoorsy types will jump at (hell, I think it’s pretty cool too!) You also display a family connection, which is very important, and some very masculine traits too (guiding, keeping people safe, etc...)

So what is missing from this opening paragraph? As you suspected... images. Images are critically important in your profile because they give the reader a visual representation of what you are talking about.

IMAGES GET REMEMBERED!

Images also make a connection to the subconscious that triggers emotional reactions, creating... gasp... feelings!

For anyone who hasn’t read Online Casanova, there is an entire chapter just for creating feelings through images. Check it out at:
www.onlinecasanova.com/secrets.php


Back to Berle’s profile!
Besides images, there are a few other changes I’d make. First, I’d trim the fat just a little, as your profile doesn’t really take the reader anywhere until about the fourth sentence. Remember, reading your profile should be like a great road trip, every stop should bring new and exciting things. Never stand still fluffing it along.

And finally, I’d dose it with a little humor. Humor is critical in the first paragraph. If you can make someone laugh at the start, they will read everything you write, wanting more. They will also be more receptive to your words, as you’ve altered their emotional state for the better.

So let me take a little shot at re-writing the opening paragraph.

Headline: “Skies are Blue, Birds are Chirping, and the Water is White and Roaring!”

Profile:

“Wait, let me explain the white water!
My parents have a white water rafting company up in ******, and rafting has been in our family for generations. While I thrive in the heart of downtown as a writer during the dark parts of the year, I take the summers off to head up into the mountains to work as a guide on the family boats. Every weekend from June to August, you’ll find me between the oars of a giant yellow raft, a dozen city slickers hanging on for dear life, like ants on a stick, as I slam us all through white waves high over our heads. Do I get some twisted thrills out of scaring them? Absolutely! But they keep coming back... and I haven’t lost a single one... this week!”

So what did I do differently?
- First, I started with a headline that reflects the topic of the first paragraph. You want to keep everything flowing, and flowing from the headline into the profile will certainly help readers keep paying attention.

- The first line “Wait, let me explain...” is to get their curiosity. If you tells the readers “pay attention, because something cool is coming!” ...they will.

- I cut away everything and just jumped into the opening topic of rafting, just to keep it flowing quickly.

- I’ve kept everything about the family and guiding but tossed a few extra descriptive words in there, like “thrive in the heart of downtown” to give a value adding twist, “generations” for adding depth to the family and “dark parts of the year” for adding mood and contrast.

- I added a big descriptive sentence about rafting, being between the oars on a yellow raft, ants on a stick, white waves overhead, etc.. These visuals are short but very strong, and really help the reader picture and remember you.

-Finally, I added a dose of humor in the last line. “haven’t lost anyone... this week!” While it isn’t laugh out loud funny, it’s good for a smile and lets the reader know you have a sense of humor.

And that’s how you write a solid opening paragraph that draws readers in... and keeps them there! Back that up with 4 more paragraphs that display value, create connections, build comfort, and you’re pretty much guaranteed a full inbox of emails every day.

If you’ve gotten some value out of this, take a minute to go check out my website:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/
It has resources and articles on online dating that are leaps and bounds above the normal cheap advice you get for free on MSN and other “advice sites” that just rehash the same old boring rules. You can also preview chapters from my ebook there as well!

That’s it for today.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Don’t forget to take my Online Dating Aptitude Test here:
www.onlinecasanova.com/quiz.php

Online Dating Profile Mistakes - She don't like cheese, man!

Online dating tips are always useful, but sometimes you need a dose of epic failure to remind yourself that you are indeed a normal human rather than a linguistic Lothario. There are lot of occasions where you will write something you think is brilliant, but it turns out to be a spectacular failure.

The online dating mistake we are going to talk about today is the “cheese factor,” where you write something that is so awful, it sends people running from your profile. One great example is in my previous blog post:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2008/05/bad-online-dating-profile-reviews.html
Here I analyze someone’s bad profile and point out his mistakes. One of the worst is this line:

“One tiny gold earring and neck chain adorn my toned body.”

Yes, I always say you should write images, but failed to mention that they cannot be cheesy. What the reader really learns from that line is “I’m tacky,” which as you might imagine, is bad. Really bad.


Did I already know this? Yes. Did I make the mistake anyway? Yes.

Here’s where I went wrong. This was actually a paragraph in Online Casanova under “descriptive & sensual writing.” I thought I had put together something sensuous that would get anyone reading it a little excited, with strong sexual images. Go ahead, read it.

“I don’t cook much, but when I do, the smell of spices will hit you before you even knock on my door. As soon as I open it, the aroma of beef roast in red wine will set you to salivating. One of my specialties, the beef is so tender that it comes apart as you put it in your mouth. Savory scalloped potatoes and bruschetta with plumb sauce will try and fill you, but you’ll need to save room for creamy strawberry cheesecake. So smooth you can swirl it around your tongue. The berries are crisp and juicy, and the sauce slowly dripping off as it tempts you to have another bite.”

Yeah, it’s pretty loaded with subtext. Too bad when my proofreaders (all women) got to it, they laughed their asses off. “There’s no way I’d keep reading the rest of a guy’s profile if he had this in it,” was the unanimous response.

Yes, it turns out that this is way too cheesy writing for a woman to read in a profile or an opening email. So be careful about what you describe and how you describe it. You aren’t writing a “Dear Playboy, I never thought it would happen to me, but...” type of letter. Keep it classy, keep it clean. Description is good, but tacky is bad.

For more on detailed descriptive writing (yes, I left all the good stuff in the book, hah!) check out:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/secrets.php


Now, there IS a time for this type of writing, but it is much later in the seductive email process. That however, is a topic for another day.

Happy Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Have you taken my online dating aptitude quiz? Check it out here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/quiz.php

Online dating profile ideas needed? Try "What Not To Wear"....

Online dating profile ideas? Try talking about What Not To Wear. No, not what not to wear... What Not To Wear... the TLC show about repairing people's broken fashion sense.
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html

Why? Why on earth am I... a guy... sending you guys to watch What Not To Wear and talk about it in your internet dating profile?

It'll get you girls... guaranteed!

Am I drunk?

Well.......... Hey, do you want my advice or not?!?

Here's why What Not To Wear is good for your profile:

* It displays to the women reading your profile that you are interested in style. This is a huge display of value to women! Every girl wants a guy with a sense of style.

* It shows that you aren't afraid to talk about watching a "girlie" type show!

* There's a good chance that she likes it too, giving you some space to create commonalities.

There are other shows that this works for of course, but I'll leave that up to your personal taste. If you've found any that work well, feel free to email them to me!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Find more online dating advice at:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com