Why you aren't attracting the women (or men) you really want...

> > > READER QUESTION

“Hi Dylan,
Your book is FANTASTIC! I’ve been a pretty shy guy for most of my life, and I’m a little ashamed to admit that this is the first time I’ve ever really had an option with women. I’m 38, been divorced for 3 years, and just don’t like going out to bars. I was 100% dateless for a solid year before I tried online dating. I was lucky enough to find your book within the first month I started, otherwise I probably would have given up pretty quickly, so thank you!

I’m going on a steady 1 date per week, just because I don’t have time for more... I do get emails from about 4 or 5 new women a day, I just don’t have time to follow up on all of them. So, here’s my question... Since I’m short on time, how do I narrow down the specific qualities I want in a woman? I’ve made a list in my profile, but it hasn’t
changed anything.
Your advice is appreciated!”
-Harris C.
New Jersey

> > > MY RESPONSE

Harris! First, congratulations on success! Going from -0- women to 52 dates a year is excellent! Good work man!

Ok, forget what you’ve heard about writing lists from “The Secret” and other self-help stuff about attracting people... lists don’t work.

If anything, lists are going to kill the responses you are getting.

First, it’s going to turn off the people who don’t fit 100% of the categories on your list.
Second, it can make you look self-centered.
Third, no one ever... EVVVVER... reads a list and says “Hey, I’m exactly what he’s looking for, I’d better email him right away!” They are either interested in your profile or they aren’t, you list isn’t going to sway them one way or another.

Lists don’t magically attract your dream person.
So how DO you attract the person you want?

First, you need to forget about specific numbers.
28-32 years old?
120-130lbs?
5’7”-5’9”?
36-24-36?

NO!
BAD!

Numbers are limiters, not attractors...
You must start thinking about your dream girl in terms of PERSONALITY and LIFESTYLE. This is easier to attract through an online dating profile, and arguably will find you a much better match.

1- PERSONALITY
Think of the ideal girl for you in terms of what type of personality you are attracted to. What traits do you seek the most? Sweet and shy? Fun and wild? Serious and dependable? Figure out what you want the most... and instead of saying that’s what you are looking for... TALK ABOUT THAT TRAIT IN YOURSELF.

Wait, how does that work?
Simple. People are attracted to that which they see in themselves.

You want to attract the wild, crazy, adventurous type? You’d better be talking about the wild, crazy, adventurous times you have...

You want a sporty, athletic, fit woman? You’re profile better have some good descriptions of all the sports you play and the time you put in at the gym...

You want a girl who is a challenge? Then challenge her in your profile.

2- LIFESTYLE
Lifestyle follows the same rule, like attracts like. She is looking for a specific lifestyle, and in order to attract her, you need to present your lifestyle in the proper light.

Note: sorry you can’t lie about this one, as soon as she meets you in real life, it’s over... so no Ferraris & private jets to Monaco, ok? On the other hand, you can certainly play up the most attractive parts of your lifestyle and present them in the best light.

So...
You want someone who loves to travel and see the world? Talk about the last three trips you took.

You want someone who is into comic books or sci-fi? Talk about the last convention you went to.

You want someone who skis or snowboards? Talk about you favorite mountain.

This process of writing about your own traits and experience to match those that you want to find in a woman, is called MIRRORING. It is the basics attracting a specific type of woman though online dating. This is of course a very quick introduction to it, you can find a much more detailed explanation in Online Casanova: For Men, including how to attract a specific look/shape of woman, women in certain careers, etc...

You know the website by now: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Happy dating!
Dylan Alexander

PS. Quickly about the “look” thing, while you can narrow it down, you’ll exclude so many other women who you might be attracted to. I suggest letting all women of any “look” contact you, and then sort through the ones you find most attractive. It’s simpler that way and leaves you with better options to choose from.

Online Dating Profile Mistakes - She don't like cheese, man!

Online dating tips are always useful, but sometimes you need a dose of epic failure to remind yourself that you are indeed a normal human rather than a linguistic Lothario. There are lot of occasions where you will write something you think is brilliant, but it turns out to be a spectacular failure.

The online dating mistake we are going to talk about today is the “cheese factor,” where you write something that is so awful, it sends people running from your profile. One great example is in my previous blog post:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2008/05/bad-online-dating-profile-reviews.html
Here I analyze someone’s bad profile and point out his mistakes. One of the worst is this line:

“One tiny gold earring and neck chain adorn my toned body.”

Yes, I always say you should write images, but failed to mention that they cannot be cheesy. What the reader really learns from that line is “I’m tacky,” which as you might imagine, is bad. Really bad.


Did I already know this? Yes. Did I make the mistake anyway? Yes.

Here’s where I went wrong. This was actually a paragraph in Online Casanova under “descriptive & sensual writing.” I thought I had put together something sensuous that would get anyone reading it a little excited, with strong sexual images. Go ahead, read it.

“I don’t cook much, but when I do, the smell of spices will hit you before you even knock on my door. As soon as I open it, the aroma of beef roast in red wine will set you to salivating. One of my specialties, the beef is so tender that it comes apart as you put it in your mouth. Savory scalloped potatoes and bruschetta with plumb sauce will try and fill you, but you’ll need to save room for creamy strawberry cheesecake. So smooth you can swirl it around your tongue. The berries are crisp and juicy, and the sauce slowly dripping off as it tempts you to have another bite.”

Yeah, it’s pretty loaded with subtext. Too bad when my proofreaders (all women) got to it, they laughed their asses off. “There’s no way I’d keep reading the rest of a guy’s profile if he had this in it,” was the unanimous response.

Yes, it turns out that this is way too cheesy writing for a woman to read in a profile or an opening email. So be careful about what you describe and how you describe it. You aren’t writing a “Dear Playboy, I never thought it would happen to me, but...” type of letter. Keep it classy, keep it clean. Description is good, but tacky is bad.

For more on detailed descriptive writing (yes, I left all the good stuff in the book, hah!) check out:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/secrets.php


Now, there IS a time for this type of writing, but it is much later in the seductive email process. That however, is a topic for another day.

Happy Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Have you taken my online dating aptitude quiz? Check it out here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/quiz.php

Bad Online Dating Profile Reviews

Bad Online Dating Profile Reviews...
...I keep getting forwarded links to bad online dating profiles by people who think they are funny. Sure, some are godawful, but others offer great learning experiences.

Today I'm going to dissect one, which has been sent to me a few times (hi Sharlyne!)

I'm not going to post the whole profile here, it's too big. Instead, I'll just piece by piece it. Here's a link to the original:
http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/m4w/673674646.html

The guy actually put a lot of time and effort into his profile. The problem is, he doesn't see how women see it. If he did, he'd do a whole lot of cutting.

Problem 1:
What if you could meet a guy with a secure government job and perfect kids?

First, this isn't a hook to open your profile with. It shows he doesn't know women or understand what they are looking for... Women don't care about a guy having a gov't job (unless it is political maybe), and generally aren't looking for a guy with kids unless they have some themselves. Although he pitches it nicely, this doesn't add any value to his profile.

Problem 2:
I attended my ex-wife’s cake ceremony at AA and shook her boyfriend’s hand.

This is a big red flag for women... did he drive her to drink?? No, probably not, but why put this in? First, never talk about an ex in your profile, it only lowers your value (unless it was Madonna), secondly, never talk about addictions... even if they aren't yours. This scares people! Third... why does the reader care about being friends with the ex's boyfriend? This is just dragging more baggage into a relationship that doesn't exist yet.

Problem 3:
I don’t like PG’s so I sleep in my birthday suit instead.

This is creepy. There's detail... and there's TOO MUCH detail. I showed this to several women, and all of them said that this was the point they'd stop reading.

Problem 4:
Four years of the preceding routine at the same address and it’s still all good.

The problem with this statement, is that the paragraph it references is all boring, mundane, day to day grind. Is selling 4 years of work, home, cook, clean, bed, do it over... a good thing? No, women want excitement, romance and adventure. Not the daily grind they are already living.

Problem 5:
One tiny gold earring and neck chain adorn my toned body.

This reminds me of something I read in "Penthouse Forum." Great in a romance novel? Maybe. Not so good in a profile. Creating images IS important, but you better make sure they aren't cheesy.

Problem 6:
My esthetician takes care of my hands and feet and other places in between.

Umm... WHAT THE HELL??? Is the esthetician giving "happy endings"? If this creeps me out, it will definitely send women running. Also... being "metro" and having an esthetician is just too girly these days. A few years ago, maybe. I do my nails with my Leatherman Charge or just scrape 'em off against a brick wall while I walk.

Problem 7:
I prefer to go to Safeway in January with bare feet and sandals because my feet don’t get cold.

This just screams "I'm weird." There's such a thing as too honest.

And there you go. Seven big red flags in his profile. I could dissect it more, but those are the deal breakers for most women. The guy isn't bad looking, although he could use a "cleaner" photo. I tried emailing him twice to give him some personal feedback, but it bounced. Well, maybe he'll stumble across this blog.

Anyway...
...don't make these mistakes!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Everyone of these mistakes are covered in Online Casanova! Check it out:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Craigslist Online Dating Tips & Secrets

Craigslist online dating tips & secrets are something I get asked for a lot.




You know... http://www.craigslist.org/

It gets something like 2 million personal posts every month (total, not per city, obviously).

I hate Craigslist.

No, no... believe me... I really do. The whole site is a trainwreck in progress. If it wasn't for one thing, I would never use Craigslist.org again...

You can meet TONS of FANTASTIC people on Craigslist!

So as much as I hate it, I love it too. Here are some basic tips on Craigslist personals:

* Only use it if there is actually some traffic in your city. It's a legend in some places, and unknown in others. If it isn't getting at least half a dozen posts in the w4m (women seeking men) section every day, move on. (by comparison, CL: New York gets over 100 w4m posts and 500 m4w posts per day).

* If you use it, your headline better be a razor sharp fishing hook, not a lame pickup line. Nowhere is more critical to have a good profile headline than Craigslist.

* Have a picture or don't bother. People look at the posts that have pictures attached 8x more than the ones that don't. No pic = epic fail.

* Read some of the profiles that your competition are putting up. Some of them are so bad they are funny. It'll give you some encouragement to write a brilliant profile.

* Read the profiles of the people that don't have photos, not just the ones that do. I've often been pleasantly surprised later, many attractive people don't put pics up because they don't want to be recognized there. Also, they get about 10% of the mail that people with photos get, so you have much less competition!

Here's one more big warning for Craigslist:
I'm going to suggest you not waste your time replying to the posts of women who have HOT PHOTOS. Why? Because most of the women with attractive photos on CL are porn companies, or spammers. You'll get one or two generic emails from her, then something like: "Oh, I've moved to a new place to chat, check out: blahblahblah...." And then you've wasted a ton of your time writing brilliant emails to the bastard running the porn site.

If you do write emails, and certainly there are many women worth emailing there, you need to deliever a knockout first email. Re-read the chapter in Online Casanova about perfect first emails: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

Online dating profile proofreading tips?

This may sound like the dumbest headline you’ve ever read, but if you are like most people, you probably don’t really read your own profile. Sure, you proofread it, checking for spelling mistakes (I HOPE!) but you don’t actually read it as if you were a total stranger checking you out for the first time.

Sure, that’s hard to do, after all you are somewhat biased in favor of your profile, aren’t you? It is the masterpiece that is going to bring you your dream date, right?

Here are some tips to proofreading your profile...

1)
Does your profile show any personality? Read it and see if your personality comes through in your words. It needs to, as your profile has to be an extension of who you are, and a little bit of personality goes a long way in online dating. Otherwise, she will get bored reading it.

2)
Is the personality it shows reflective of who you really are? Your profile has to be YOU. It can’t be your James Bond alter ego and it can’t be an isolation of only one aspect of you. It has to be a broad look at you. Of course, it can be the BEST parts of you... but it still has to be accurate. Otherwise she will feel cheated when she meets you.

3)
Do you have a lot of strong visuals? Visualization leads to emotion and action. Do you describe yourself and your life visually through stories and images? Or do you do it in boring, bland adjectives like: I’m smart, funny, confident, rich, etc... that are guaranteed to make her move on to the next guy?

4)
What do you display of value to your reader? Remember, she’s here looking for what SHE wants, so the only important things in your profile are the ones that she will care about. Of everything you’ve written about yourself, what displays your inherent value as a man? If something doesn’t, it should be replaced.

5)
Do you help the reader contact you at the end? It is a stumbling block for a lot of online daters, so make sure you help them email you by including some motivation. Give them a short list of things you would like to know about them (choose wisely!) or maybe offer them a few tips on things they can ask you more about. Don’t simply write “if you like what you read, email me,” or most of your candidates will move on.


Now get writing!

Dylan Alexander

PS. I’m not going to be condescending by adding "spellchecking" to the list. That would be stupod.

PPS. Sales pitch time... I’ve got a 127 page book filled with tips and techniques like this. You know the website: http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Profile Quick Fix

Online dating profile mistakes are something I go on about a lot. People often ask me about quick fixes for their profiles and usually I tell them to suck it up and put the time in to write something good.

But you are a loyal reader so I’m giving you the quick fix!

In the selection process of dating or anything else, people have a “That’s for me” moment, where it becomes clear in their heads that they want the person they are looking at.

What’s the best way of pushing someone into a “That’s for me” moment?

VISUALIZATION!

Visualization leads to action.

Ever go shopping for a new car and had the sales person say, “Couldn’t you just see yourself tearing down the road in this new Corvette?” And then you see it in your head and it looks goooood.

I do this in every profile I write. First, everything I describe, I do in the form of a story that the reader can visualize.

Instead of saying “I like snowboarding,” I’ll write:

“Every other weekend in the winter, as the sun comes up over the mountains, you’ll find me sitting on the ski lift, 165 K2 Nemesis strapped on, iPod of cruising tunes plugged in, just waiting to hop off and drop into 10cm of fresh powder.”

This is an immensely better way of describing yourself. Creating images of your life makes all kinds of unconscious links with the reader and actually proves what you are saying. It sure beats “I like snowboarding.”

The second type of visual you want to create, is one that includes your reader. You are specifically painting them into your life to push them into that “That’s for me” moment.

Here’s an example:

“My perfect lazy Sunday would probably be you and I going for an early morning walk or rollerblade around the waterfront. We could pick up a couple ice creams and lay around the beach for an hour after, making little sandcastles. After that, head back home to relax in the back yard with our favorite books in a hammock made for two.”

The whole paragraph is designed to get the reader to picture themselves in your life, and to come out of it thinking “Yes, I’d like that!”

There, that’s my one big giant profile fix that you can do right now!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you’ve got the Online Casanova book, you’ll find many more examples of this that you can “borrow” for your own profile.
You can find it here:
www.onlinecasanova.com

How To Act Online And On A Date

“Hi Dylan
I bought your book and it is unlike any online dating book I’ve read. You actually teach people stuff instead of dishing the same old crap like “comment on something in her profile” and “talk about your likes.” I’ve only started using the tips from the first 4 chapters and it’s made a huge difference in my online dating game.
One question... how do I act on a date?” J.H.

Hey JH! Glad you are getting some serious use out of the book. I built it to teach people a system to actually attract people while online dating and didn’t just compile a bunch of tips. Keep applying it, your results are just going to keep going up and up!

To answer your question (this is actually covered in the 2nd last chapter of the book), you need to act on a date exactly the same way that you “behave” online. If you are a cocky and playful guy online, you’d better be that way in real life. If you are a cool, mellow guy online, you’d better be that guy in real life. Remember, if you aren’t the same guy you presented yourself as, she’s going to be disappointed and feel cheated. And if she feels cheated, in her mind the date is already over.

So this comes down to a little lesson in self awareness and honesty. Don’t present yourself online as anything but who you really are. Sure, you want to present the SEXIEST parts of who you are... but don’t fake being anything you aren’t.

For example: yes, you could write the most dead sexy James Bond meets Han Solo profile any girl’s ever read... but it wouldn’t do any good because as soon as you got that girl on a date, she’d realize you were full of shit. Once her trust was broken, it’d be a huge battle to win it back. Remember how honesty is one of the top traits that women like?

You make two impressions on a girl, the first impression with your online profile/first email, and the second impression when you meet on a first date. The second impression has to reinforce everything that she got from the first impression. This is one of the big reasons so many guys never get past the first date with a girl they met online.

So there’s your answer. Be who you really are, both online and in real life, just put the sexiest parts forward first.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you haven’t gotten a copy of Online Casanova, you can find it here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Email Mistakes

In Online Dating, email mistakes will kill you. How many emails have you written to women, without responses? Probably lots. But that’s Ok, I have too! However, once you understand the main reasons WHY she doesn’t write you back, you’ll be able to ramp up your email game and start to get a lot more replies!

Here are the six most common online dating email mistakes you will make.

1. You didn’t get her attention.
She gets a TON of emails. Hot women on busy sites can get easily over a hundred a day. That’s some serious competition! If you don’t get her attention fast, you’ll be forgotten instantly and she’ll move on without replying. And how do you do it? Be interesting, insightful, interested in her and funny as hell!

For other tips on how to write an email, go here:

http://www.onlinecasanova.com/dynamic_emails.php

2. She thinks you are shallow.
Hot women know that most guys are just contacting them because they are hot. As much as it’s an ego boost for them, knowing you think they are hot doesn’t them any real reason to write you back.
-Don’t ask for sexier photos of her.
-Don’t kiss her butt and tell her how hot she is over and over.
-Don’t ask her how much she weighs... EVER.
-Don’t ask for body shots of her (until several emails later)

There are tons of guys that do nothing but this. Don’t be one of them.

3. Your photo sucks.
I’m not saying YOU suck, just that YOUR PHOTOS suck. It doesn’t matter how great your email is, if your picture makes you look like a sack of crap, you aren’t getting a response. Before you start worrying about your looks, there are two things you need to know... First, a bad photo will make the hottest guy look ugly. Second, the right photo can make you look great. One great photo will make or break your online dating results.
Repeat after me “I will get a professional to take a headshot photo of me.”

For rules of how to have a great online dating photo, go here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/dating_photos.php

4. You were crass, rude or sexual.
A lot of things can turn a girl off, but few like being crass, rude or sexual. She’s a woman, not one of your buddies, so don’t try to get her attention by shock value. Yes, it works from time to time, but for the most part she’ll just delete your email.

-Don’t use any four letter words... you know the ones I mean.
-Don’t ask her what her favorite sex position is.
-Don’t ask her about her erotic fantasies.
-Don’t ask if she has any nude photos.

She gets enough of those emails every day.


5. You throw up her red flags.
She doesn’t want your baggage and insecurities. She definitely doesn’t want to hear you crying about them in your email. So forget even mentioning your ex, your problems, your addictions, your failures or your insecurities... Never email her more than once before she replies, you aren’t going to change her mind by looking needy.
-Don’t email her more than once in between her replies.
-Don’t talk about your exes.
-Don’t talk about the bad dates you have had.
-Don’t talk about why you think online dating sucks.

Besides, your potential partner will have lots of time to figure out what they don’t like about you on your first date! (That’s a joke people!)


6. She’s just not that into you.
No matter what you do, some girls just aren’t going to be that into you. Maybe she only dates short dorky poor guys, maybe you remind her of her brother, you’ll probably never know.

If you present yourself in your best light, have a great photo, display your personality and value as a man... and she still doesn’t email you back? It’s her, not you.

On the other hand, if your profile isn’t polished to perfection, you don’t have the best photo you could possibly have, and you aren’t writing emails that shine like diamonds against coal... you’ve got some work to do.

Where to start? First, sign up for my weekly online dating tip newsletter.

Then get yourself a copy of Online Casanova here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

Attack Of The Stuck Up Princesses

(Disclaimer: The girl on the left is in no way a stuck up princess. She's a very nice, very kind person who does a lot of work for charities... She just looks like a stuck up princess in the photo. Purely a coincidence to the headline!

A friend of mine asked me to review his online dating profile and asked what he was doing wrong... because the only girls that seemed to reply to him were stuck up princesses.

I answered instantly.
“If the girls you are getting are stuck up princesses... it’s because you are coming off as a stuck up prince.”

Here’s today’s online dating tip:
You Get What You Give.

If you write an online dating profile that is confident to the point it borders on arrogance...
If you write in a sense that places you on a pedestal above average men...
If you focus specifically on what a high value man you are...
If you are just a Prince without the Charming...
...You are going to get stuck up princesses.

Why?

Because people are attracted to that which they see in themselves!

So how do you attract the type of woman you want? Here’s a big mistake a lot of people make, they’ll write a shopping list something like the following in their profiles:
“I’m looking for a fun, 20-30 year old blonde, curvy but athletic, who is easy going and loves music.”

I can guarantee you one thing... No girl EVER reads a profile and says “oh my god, I’m a fun 20-30 year old blonde, curvy but athletic, easy going, and I love music! Holy shit, I’d better email this guy right away! I’m exactly what he is looking for!”

The truth is, no one cares about what YOU are looking for, they only care what THEY are looking for! The stuck up princess doesn’t read your shopping list about wanting a girl that’s fun and loves music! They are just naturally attracted to the stuck up prince because it is a mirror of who they are themselves!

So how do you get the person you really want?

First, you need a real dose of honestly about yourself. Who are you really, behind all the BS and macho factor? What do you love in life, what are your true passions? What are your critical values in life? What does your sense of humor get the best laughs at?

These are the things you need to write about in order to get the woman THAT IS THE RIGHT MATCH FOR YOU! When she reads you profile, she will see herself reflected in your words and be attracted to that. The more true to yourself you are in your profile, the more good matches you will find.

Now, there could be the possibility that you want to attract a completely different type of woman, just for the fun of it. To do that, you first have to analyze what that girl would see as her most important/attractive traits, and then you write about those things in yourself. So if you want to attract a young, fun party girl, you want to talk about the young/fun/party aspects of your life. If you want to meet the corporate/executive minded woman, you need to bring out similar aspects of your life. If you want to meet a free spirited hippy type girl, you need to... well, you get the idea.

Ultimately, just make sure you understand that if you present anything other than who you really are, you are BSing yourself and lying to her. It’s just another form of manipulation. Sure, you can get results... until you go on a date with her and she realizes you aren’t who she thought you were. But then again, I’m not here to judge, I’m just here to tell you how it works!

So if you aren’t getting the type of women who are well matched to you, take a serious look at your profile and ask yourself... “Is this really me?”

Happy Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. You can of course find more articles, advice, AND MY BOOK (hint hint!) on my website:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Online Dating Photo Advice - How to have a great dating photo

How to have a great online dating photo...

Online dating photos are important, but you know this already. You know that a profile with a photo gets opened 8x more than one without. You know that an email with a photo attached gets read first. There’s no question about those things anymore, that’s old news. What I really want you to understand is the power of having a GREAT photo.

Everyone has photos these days, but fortunately, most people still use bad photos. A bad photo can make you look terrible, no matter how hot you are in real life. A great photo will attract people, no matter what you look like.

Amongst the adventures I’ve had in life, one of them was working as a professional photographer. I now shoot only for sport, but am happy to be able to share with you some rules of having a great photo for online dating.

Rule 1: Be well lit
A well lit face jumps out of the picture, a face in shadows hides from the viewer. Believe it or not, this has a huge different on how people interpret your character. If you post a photo of yourself taken in a dark basement without using a flash, you’ll come across as a low energy/low value person. If you are well lit and bright, you’ll come across as high energy/high value (read: FUN) person. No one looks good when they are so underexposed you can’t even see their eyes.

TIP: Use a photo taken outside with natural light, but force your camera flash on (called fill flash) so that it fills out any shadows on your face made by the sun.


Rule 2: Use a real camera
A common trend I see in younger online daters is self portraits taken with cell phone cameras in front of bathroom mirrors, and “at my computer” shots taken with web cams. There are two problems. One is that these settings usually aren’t well lit. The other is that cell phone cameras and web cams produce terrible picture quality. They are grainy noisy pictures that in general make you look bad. To someone who reads between the lines, they make you look too cheap to get a real camera.

TIP: If you don’t own a real digital camera, you have a friend that does. Tell them you need some photos, most people are happy to play amateur photographer with their toys.


Rule 3: Pay attention to the background
People look at everything in your photo, not just you. If your house is a mess, it reflects poorly on you. Women especially notice details, so pay attention guys. If you’ve got a couple empty bottles of vodka in the background, it looks like you party too much. If there are other people in your photo, who they are is going to reflect on you. For women, this means that you might want to reconsider posting photos with your scantily clad girlfriends. For guys, you might want to reconsider posting photos of you and any girl who looks like a girlfriend.

TIP: Since people read into every detail in your photo, you can increase your value by using a photo taken somewhere interesting or cultural. Photos in museums make you look cultured, photos in exotic locations make you look adventurous.


Rule 4: Dress well!
This rule is hugely overlooked. You are judged by your appearance and that includes your clothes. Plus the fact that the right clothes can make someone look considerably more attractive, while improperly fitting or poorly matched clothes will make you look worse. Remember, keep some congruency with who you are. If you never ever wear a suit in real life, you might not want to represent yourself as a suit wearing guy. Girls, if you don’t want guys to think you are promiscuous and easy, don’t post party photos of you wearing revealing clothes.

TIP: Dress to impress. You basically can’t overdress (within good taste) and the better dressed you are, the higher value you will appear.


Rule 5: Eye Contact
Regardless of the setting, one thing you must be doing in your picture is making eye contact with the viewer. If you are getting your picture taken specifically for online dating, look directly into the camera lens every time (unless for artistic reasons the photo absolutely demands otherwise). You’ve heard this before and it’s definitely cliché, but... your eyes are a window into your soul... even over the internet. People need to make that connection with you in order to be attracted to you. When they can’t see your eyes, there will be a level of intimacy lacking in your picture, and that is something that is crucial for building attraction.

TIP: Make sure your eyes are visible and not in the shadows. See Rule 1.
TIP: Take off the sunglasses for your photos. You aren’t Bono or Jennifer Lopez and as much as you believe it does, it doesn’t make you look cool or famous. At best it blocks that critical eye connection, at worst it makes you look insecure.


Three more tips!
1) ALWASY INCLUDE YOUR PHOTOS! Despite how common it is, we are all still a little afraid of being recognized internet dating, and thus we never want to send our photos out first. But the people who let their photos be seen by all get the best responses. When you don’t send a photo the only thing you get is ignored! One of the most common things people write in their profiles is “no pic, no reply,” and yet they haven’t even posted a photo of themselves first!

2) Don't forget to SMILE IN YOUR PHOTOS! Your smile is one of the greatest natural ways to seduce someone online. You can read a blog entry about that here:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/10/greatest-aphrodisiac.html

3) Another option (and arguably your best option) is to simply HIRE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER. You can read my blog entry about that here:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-to-get-great-online-dating-photo.html

Happy Online Dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If you have online dating questions, or want to know something specific about attracting women online, feel free to email me through the link on the right.

Email Writing Tips: how to be funny and interesting!

This week, a question from one of my long term readers:

“Hi Dylan:
A thought and response to your latest weekly e-mail. Specifically the following quote:
"write an email that catches her attention by being interesting, insightful and funny."
Give an example of one such e-mail, better yet, give a before and after version.
Here is my challenge to you: Take an average e-mail, that was sent out and then re-edit it with a commentary afterwards.” - JN

Hey JN!
Well, like all real men out there, I can’t turn down a challenge, dare, double dare, etc... However, you didn’t send me an average email to re-edit, so I’ll just start with your average bad email. It goes something like:

“Hi, I saw your profile and you are really cute! I like your hat in that picture, it’s really nice, where did you get it? Anyway, come take a look at my profile and if you like what you see, email me!”

This email can be broken down into three parts. Crap. Crappier. Crappiest.

Sentence 1: Crap
Average guy saying an average thing. If you’ve been a long time reader, you’ll know that “cute” is one of the words I’ve banned from your vocabulary as a future Online Casanova. (The others are Hot, Sexy and Nice) It’s so... average. And average is death.

Sentence 2: Crappier
“I like your hat” is a good example of the bad online dating advice given out by MSN and Yahoo online dating “experts” (COUGH). They say “find something in her profile or photo and ask her about it.” That’s great if you want to be her friend, but it doesn’t make any kind of connection, so forget that nonsense. I’ll tell you what to ask about in a minute when I’m doing making fun of the bad email.

Sentence 3: Crappiest
95% of bad first emails end with “come take a look at my profile”. You want to end your email with a command, not a request. Salesmen and marketers call it a “call to action”, like “BUY NOW!” Whatever... anything is better than a passive and wussy “come look at my profile.” You’d honestly be better off ending it with “zombie monkeys are eating my fingers as I type, email me back or they’ll finish me off!” Actually, I kind of like that. Anyone want to test this one for me?

SO...
That’s what makes a bad email.

Let’s make a good email. JN asked about how to be interesting, insightful, and funny. I’m going to teach you to be both funny and insightful... do both of them together and you will also appear interesting, especially compared to the masses.

Point 1: How to be funny
There is a current trend amongst guys to go with a “shock her” type approach when they are meeting women, where they are a little bit cocky, a little bit funny. (I’m trying to avoid actually saying “cocky/funny” as coined by David DeAngelo, OK?) Here’s how to do it in email.

First, read her profile up and down, back and forth. Pick out something that is completely unique to this girl, and forget all the stuff that you’ve seen in dozens of other profiles. Example: She says, “I’m smart, funny, unique, love baseball, study medicine, and also work on a chicken farm.”
Forget everything but the chicken farm. The chicken farm makes her unique! This is what you want to focus the first part of your email on. Call it your opening paragraph hook. Try to let your brain come up with the craziest, funniest observations you can. My brain is a little sluggish right now, but I might write something like:

“A chicken farm? I love chicken! We’d be the perfect couple... You could poach extra chickens from work and I could fence them on the chicken black market. Eventually we could build up a nest egg and flee the coup to sunny Chichen Itza!”

Wow, that’s a bad set of puns, even for me. Stupid brain... Anyway, you get the picture. You are touching on what makes her unique, the little point that most guys ignore to go for the easy and mundane stuff like “I like your hat.”

Point 2: How to be insightful
If I lost most of my other online dating skills, this would be the one that would keep me in the game... reading subtext into her words.

Guys don’t really read profiles. Sure, we skim them over a couple times and look for points to talk about, but we don’t read between the lines. We don’t really look for the depth of her words, the subtext of what she is really saying... what she is really asking for. Let’s go right to an example.

Here’s a section of a woman’s profile:
“I’ve been here before, perhaps to many times, each time a little more jaded. If only we could be more honest with each other, the world would be a better place. I’m looking for a guy who is kind, faithful, and sincere.”

And the subtext says....
“I’ve been hurt by men.”

How did I get that out of the above paragraph? Look what she’s saying: she’s come back time after time, even more jaded, which means she’s gone through numerous relationships, each of them having ended with her getting hurt. She’s wishing for more honesty, which means she’s faced a lot of deceit. And she’s looking for a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere, which heavily suggests that she knows what she wants because she’s done time with a lot of guys who have been unkind, unfaithful, and insincere to her.

So, I see this profile and I see a girl who has been hurt, and I know that she will respond to... a guy who is kind, faithful and sincere?
NO!
She’ll respond to a guy who UNDERSTANDS HER! Forget everything about what women want on the surface! Deep down... they want to be understood (we all do). Being a guy who understands who she really is and sympathizes with her is so much more powerful and rare

To address that, I would write something like:
“I read your profile and couldn’t help but feeling a twinge of sadness at your words. We all seek happiness in life, but disappointment certainly seems to find its way in often enough. Like you, I simply seek a bright sunny day in a cloudy world.”

This wouldn’t be my whole response of course, but it would certainly get her attention away from the guys who write “I’m sincere, honest, and faithful.” You know... the same ones that hurt her in the past?

So...
You asked how to write a funny and insightful email? Combine those two techniques. Pick out the little unique gem in her profile and make it shine with humor, and read deep into the subtext of her profile, find out what she is really saying, and sympathize with it.

What... you thought it would be as simple as writing “who lies more, men or women?” :)

Well, this has been my longest post ever, so I’m going to wrap it up here. If you’ve got any questions, email me at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

Also, I have a whole chapter on email writing in the Online Casanova book that covers the do’s and don’t, and ways to create connections and deep bonds with a woman through your emails. If you want to learn the rest of my techniques and email writing tips, you’ll find them at http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

Online Dating Mistake #83953 that you make...

File this one under "Common Online Dating Mistakes You Don't Know You Do"

So I'm sitting having an afternoon drink with a girl, and she says out of the blue...
"Dylan, you think you know everything there is to know about online dating... tell me why guys keep asking for more and more of my pictures?"

I do this brutal honesty/tough love thing really well, and come back with "It's either because they want to make sure you aren't 50lbs heavier than you said you were, or they are just adding them to their porno collection."

She admits that suspected more of the latter, and then proceeded to tell me how once a guy asked for more than 2 of her online dating photos, or asked for photos above and beyond her profile photos, she would red flag them and quit talking to them on the spot.

And now how this applies to you...

This may or may not come as a surprise, but there are a lot of guys out there who simply collect pictures of women, with no real intention of ever asking them out on a date.

For whatever perverted purpose or insecure need it fills, they email women simply asking for more and more photos, even if they have none themselves. During chats they keep asking for new pictures, sexier pictures, pictures where she is wearing bathing suits, and... surprise, surprise... nude pictures.

Women --hate-- these guys. They completely waste their time and frankly, most women hate the idea of perverts drooling over the pictures that they tricked them into sending.

Here's the online dating photo etiquette you need to stay safe:

1) Don’t ask for her photos until you’ve sent her yours.

2) Don’t refuse to send her photos if she asks for them, demanding she show you hers first.

3) Once you have her photos, don’t ask for more until you are a few emails in, or after a good chat, unless you really can’t see her very well in them (which usually means she’s hiding something).

4) Don’t ask if she has any sexier photos (unless you are well into a sexual conversation).

5) If she has a close-up of her face only, and you want to see a body shot to make sure she is the body type you are looking for (which is your right!) be tactful about it. Don’t say “lemme see your bod!”

6) If you do want to see more photos of her, wait until she’s brought up a topic such as a trip or a pet and say, “Wow, I’d love to see a picture of that!” If she doesn’t you can ask again, but never ask more than twice per conversation otherwise she might think you are one of those picture perves.


It sucks that there are guys out there who are simply using and manipulating women to get some minor trophy. It hurts the women, and it spoils the playing field for the rest of us. Be good to the girls out there.

Well, that's your online dating advice for today. Use it well!

Dylan Alexander

PS. For more online dating tips, dating profile writing help, and other ways to meet women online, check out http://www.onlinecasanova.com/

Serious players don't use MSN...

I avoid any messenger service type chat (MSN messenger, Yahoo, etc...).

Why?
1) She’ll stop emailing you.
2) You are at the whim of her being online.

Let’s look a little closer:

#1 People are lazy. Most of the time, you can count on them taking the easiest path available. For her, once she has added you to her massive Messenger list, she has an excuse not to put in the time and effort to craft another email to you. It’s easier just to wait until she sees you online again and she can chat with you then.

#2 Once you’ve moved to a chat/Messenger based relationship with her, you can’t chat with her unless you are both online. This means that you’ve got to be online waiting for her to be online in order to have any contact with her. This definitely doesn’t work for you, because you will be out dating. Since you will be out having a life, and she is hopefully cool enough to have a life as well, it’s difficult to actually meet up online. Many potential relationships have fizzled out this way. The beauty of staying with email is that you can write at the whim of your schedule, and she can do the same.

If you must switch to MSN tell her this:

“Look, I try to not be a guy who sits at home on his computer the whole time, so if you want to MSN with me, tell me exactly when you’ll be online and I’ll try and make it.”

If you are bound and determined to do it, follow these steps:
1) Be playful, get her attention by teasing her
2) Be interested
3) Ask questions
4) Relate your experiences to her answers
5) Tease her a little more
6) Ask her new questions about her old answers
7) Mirror her True Image whenever possible
8) Be playful (it is both first and last on this list on purpose)

Repeat until she is asking you questions back. Once she starts asking you about yourself, you know you've got her interested and are starting to build some attraction.

Have fun with your holiday dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS: A holiday online dating tip! Switch your main photo to one of you wearing a Santa hat! It's great bait this time of year.

The Biggest Way You Waste Your Photos

Ok, tell me you missed me when I didn't update my blog last week! Come on...

I was carving up the slopes at Big White ski resort in the interior of BC and putting the finishing touches on the Online Casanova book, which I should have up by the end of this week.

Now what I want to talk about today...

The following is true for some, but not all, online dating sites.

You get two types of photos in your profile. One is the main photo, that people see as a thumbnail when they browse all the listings, the other are the photos that no one can see until they open your profile (and sometimes you have sent them permission too).

Let's call these second level photos your Backstage photos.

This is one of your best secret resources for generating interest with a woman!
Do you know how few people actually post more than a photo or two here? Some sites let you have up to a dozen extra photos. You know that expression "a picture is worth a thousand words", right? This is a fantastic opportunity to tell a girl thousands of words more about you, without having to write a single one.

Let's look at the basics.

To build comfort:

* Post at least a few pictures with separate groups of friends.
* Be smiling, laughing, hamming for the camera, or otherwise having fun.

To showcase your value:

* Photos that are interesting or unique, which will make you look the same.
* Any photos that show value, such as a sense of adventure or class: travel photos, sports photos, culture photos, etc...
* Photos of you and your specific likes, whether it be hobbies or pets, so she can get a better idea of your life.
* Any photos of you with other female friends (obviously not girlfriends), which will show that you are at least valued by other women.

To build an emotional connection:

* Anything that will make her laugh, without making yourself look like a dork.

And a few other good photos to use:

* You doing something with kids, especially if they don't look like yours.
* Any photo of you with animals. Especially puppies. Yeah, this is a cheap one,
but it works.

So, no matter how many slots for photos your online dating site gives you...

Use them all!!!

Another tip, try and get your photo taken everywhere interesting that you can.

I'm adding the following photo to my regular rotation. It'll eliminate me having to talk about snowboarding in my profile, giving me space for something else instead!

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. I'll send a note out when the book is ready, but it should be by Friday!

How to get a great online dating photo when you aren't so hot.

Today, a question from a reader.

“Hey Dylan
I’ve been signed up to your newsletter for a while, and I love your emails about tactics and philosophy, but I’ve got a question about my photo.

Here it is: I’m not a super great looking guy. And I’m not in great shape. Honestly, I’d rather not send a girl a picture at all, even though I know how much it kills my chances. What can I do in my profile to make up for not having a picture?

Thanks, I’d really appreciate if you can help me out on this one, it’s tough."
Name withheld


>>MY ANSWER

Hey Man
Thanks for the question, it’s a tough one! I’m going to give you some tough love, and I’m not going to sugar coat it... much.

The quick answer is...You can’t.
No matter how great it is, a profile without a picture gets opened a fraction of the amount of times that those with one do.

What you should do is to have the best damned picture that you can possibly have.

The simplest way of doing this is to get a professional (or serious amateur) photographer who specializes in headshots to take a photo of you. You can find them on http://www.craigslist.org/ in any city in North America, cheap, and sometimes free. A good photo with the right lighting can make any guy look about 2 or 3 points hotter, easily. Wear some good clothes, get a girl to do your make up (even skin tones are very important in looking good) and get a bunch of photos that show you laughing and smiling. Women aren’t fixated on weight nearly as much as men are, but they are totally serious about a guy with a great smile and good grooming who carries himself with a sense of style and dignity.

You can have all of this, and still look like “you”. You just can’t do it in a dingy basement with snaps from your webcam.

So get a photo, step up, smile honestly, present yourself as a man, and NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE!

I don’t mean to yell, but I want you to remember that.

And if you think it’s cheating... remember women do it ALL THE TIME in real life, with layers of makeup, pushup bras, high heels, and clothes that conceal all their trouble areas.

I know someone is going to write me and say “but what about when he goes on a date and looks... less hot.” Honestly, every guy out there dating should strive to look their best at all time. Dress your best, carry yourself with a sense of masculinity, pay attention to your grooming all the time, not just in the photo, and like I said before, never apologize about what you look like.

Good luck out there, and if you want photo critiques, feel free to send them to me.

Cheers!

Dylan Alexander

PS. If all else fails... Go get your picture taken in a bookstore holding a book on online dating upside down. A good sense of humor trumps almost everything.

PPS. Yes, I take questions! Email them to me at onlinecasanova@gmail.com

WORST HEADLINES EVER!

Ok, I got a few questions about headlines this week, and they were all "what do you think of this headline?"

Sadly, the answer was...

WORST HEADLINE EVER...!

So here's a list of the worst and most common headlines out there...

And what she thinks when she reads them!

HEADLINE: “Insert funny headline here.”
SHE THINKS: “Wow, haven’t seen that a dozen times today already.”
This is the banner of any person lacking any creativity whatsoever. Plus, it wasn’t funny years ago when it appeared in the first place.

HEADLINE: “Clever headline #28492”
SHE THINKS: “Ugh. At least it isn’t ‘insert funny headline here!’”
Headline, yes. Clever, no. Again, almost as used and abused as the above example.

HEADLINE: “how abot diner and drniks”
SHE THINKS: “This guy isn’t smart enough to spell? Or even smart enough to use a spell checker? Goodbye!”
There is NO excuse for spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors in your headline.

HEADLINE: “Love to laugh.“
SHE THINKS: “Duh, who doesn’t?”
So what have you told her besides that you are an average guy? Oh right, you are also unoriginal and uncreative too. Super.

HEADLINE: “Looking for someone special.”
SHE THINKS: “Wow, who isn’t looking for someone special? You think everyone else is looking for losers?”
Everyone is looking for someone special. Just because you are, doesn’t put you in a higher value category than the next guy. Plus everyone uses this tired line.

HEADLINE: “Hmm, I don’t know what to write here.”
SHE THINKS: “Wow, stumped already? Our first date is going to suck.”
This headline is absolutely pathetic and if you can’t even rip off one of the lame ones above, you don’t deserve a date.

HEADLINE: “I need (insert anything needy).”
SHE THINKS: “Needy AND single? Where can I sign up?“
Real men don’t need anything. Neediness is horribly unattractive.

HEADLINE: “I’ll fill this in later.”
SHE THINKS: “Too lazy to come up with a headline? That’s sexy...”
Laziness is a huge turn off for women and a big sign of weakness. This is possibly the worst headline ever... besides the next one.

HEADLINE: “Looking for a girl who won’t hurt me.”
SHE THINKS: “Emotionally broken already? I’m running like hell from this one.”
You aren’t asking for a girl who won’t hurt you, you are scaring off everyone who isn’t carrying emotional baggage. Hugely unattractive.


HEADLINE: “One last try...”
SHE THINKS: “One last try... because you are a multiple time loser? Ouch.”
Never show weakness or failure on the internet, she’ll think it’s 10x worse than it is. Which is usually true.

HEADLINE: “Just looking.”
SHE THINKS: “If you aren’t serious, then why bother?”
What she thinks is accurate. She’s here with a purpose, not to waste her time.

HEADLINE: “Hey Baby”
SHE THINKS: “Hey Baby? HEY BABY? Could you be any more disrespectful?”
A total waste of an opportunity to use a good headline. Oh, and it’s lame.

HEADLINE: “Hello,” or “Hi.”
SHE THINKS: “Um, how about “BYE” instead?”
This is probably the most common headline out there and definitely the most boring. It is completely uncreative and lacking any effort.

There you go. I've got a full list with about a dozen more bad ones, but those are the ones I see the most often. Never ever use any of them again... if not for you, then for me!

Happy dating!

Dylan Alexander

PS. Next week... Best headlines ever?

What Women Need - Inspired by Craigslist daters

This post was inspired By Craigslist

Last night, I was browsing the local Craigslist dating forum, and there were a few posts ranting back and forth about the problem with women, and how they only want guys with money, and how they are all princesses.

It occurred to me that in this day of instant information, guys still haven’t answered the question...

What do women REALLY want?

What do women NEED that eclipses money or power?
Oh, I’ll tell you.
But first, tough love time...

So you don’t have a girl.
It isn’t because you don’t have the money to spoil her.
It isn’t because you aren’t a famous actor or a rock star.
It isn’t because you don’t ride a Harley or have the body of an Adonis.

Those are just excuses you give yourself to make it OK for your ego to survive without the success that you want. But it’s BS, and I don’t trade in BS, so forget those excuses.

The truth is...
You don’t have a girl because you don’t create *emotional connections* with women!
All women respond to the one thing over looks, power, wealth, fame... They respond to a guy who can make them laugh, make them cry, make them feel bliss in every bone of their body, make them scream and rage, make them swoon and purr. A guy who knows her heart, and how to make it tick, will never be short of women.

All you need to do, is to make her feel.
But you don’t.
You dial yourself down.
You make her comfortable.
You turn off your sexuality.
You be her friend.
You be... nice.
And you wonder why that ugly jerk has a hot girlfriend and you don't? Because that jerk can give her the emotional connection she needs, and you, Mr. Nice, can only make her feel safe. She doesn't want safety and comfort, she wants a friggen emotional roller coaster! So when you are writing a profile, don’t turn yourself down! Instead, crank it up to 11! Write a funny profile, write passionately about everything in your life, talk about adventures and danger... You have nothing to lose.

Have a good week!

Dylan

PS. Note, don’t talk about sex in your emails and especially in your profile. It’s a huge red flag for women, trust me! You want sensuality, not sexuality. I’ll talk more about that one later though, but for now, don’t even mention sex.

PPS. There will be examples of what I’ve just talked about in the Online Casanova book. I’m hoping to have it out by the end of the week.

The Greatest Aphrodisiac

The Greatest Aphrodisiac

There is one great aphrodisiac when it comes to women. It melts their shields, warms their hearts, and makes certain that she never thinks you want to just be friends.

It is your smile.

The human smile is one of the greatest communicative tools we have. It conveys our intentions, our sincerity, and our passion. It is absolutely key whether you are looking to make new friends, or are attempting to seduce a woman.

This isn’t really a secret though, and has been written about for centuries, if not millennia.

So why do I scan through so many pages of online dating profiles, and see so few smiles? Seriously, go look for yourself. Now go look at the photos you use for online dating.

I’m not going to get into WHY we don’t smile in photos. Maybe it’s because we think we look so cool, so dangerous, when we give our best badass pose. That’s at least why *I* do it anyway...

The tragedy though, is that in online dating, women (rightfully) interpret every scrap of information they can get about us. So when she sees you scowling or looking expressionless, she thinks “this guy clearly doesn’t have anything in his life to smile about.” And how attractive is that? A guy who has nothing to smile about, isn’t a guy that she wants anywhere near her.

Smiles are also transferable!

:) :) :) :) :)

:D :D :D :D :D

;) ;) ;) ;) ;)


Look! Even seeing those damn little smilies can lift your spirits slightly! It does the same for her, only on a deeper emotional level, when she sees you smiling in your photo! You are making an emotional connection with her, and that type of connection is the one that makes her remember you instead of the other 20 sourpusses that emailed her that day.

So smile, let her see your eyes, let her see who you really are. You will be surprised at how quickly and deeply women can make a connection with a guy through little things like that.

That's it for today.

Cheers!

Dylan

Why you REALLY aren't making a connection

Why you can't connect...


The first thing to learn about online dating is that you are not writing a resume so you can get a job...
...You are trying to make a connection with a person to fall in love with (or at least go on a date and have sex with).

Now think about every resume that you’ve ever read... Have any of them made you think, “Damn, I want to meet this person?” No, they haven’t, and for one very good reason... They don’t engage your imagination, nor convey who you really are.

Engaging someone is crucial in getting them to be interested in you. The easiest way to start doing this is to change your writing style. Most people sadly do write their dating profiles just like they would a resume; a boring, bland list of achievements, education, experiences, and adjectives about themselves. It’s enough to put anyone to sleep.

To engage her, write to her as if you were in a conversation with her. Consider the subtle but important differences between the two following paragraphs:

“Hello. Thanks for looking at my profile. I’ve included my
photos at the bottom, check them out. Please let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing back from you.”

And...

“Hey you! Yeah, I know you are going to go look at my photos first before reading my profile. No, no, it’s fine... I’ll wait... Hum dee dum... Ok you are back now? Great! While you keep reading the rest of my profile, I’m going to go make a sandwich. I’ll check back in near the end so I can explain that picture of me in a monkey suit.”

The difference between the two should be glaringly obvious. The second paragraph is written as if the writer is speaking to her in a conversation. This forces her imagination to kick in and makes her feel as if she is really talking to you, rather than just reading word after word.

This is also a great way of conveying your true personality to her! Most profiles read so blankly, that someone who shows an ounce of personality will stand out from the crowd. If you write in a fun and playful tone, she will know you are a fun and playful person!

Always write in your true personality (a PG-rated version anyway)

• Talk like a real person
• Convey your character
• Engage her in a conversation
• Be funny - if you can

That's all for today, have a great week!

Dylan

The most common reason you flunk a first date

So... Why do online relationships fizzle when you move them into the real world?

You both met online, been very interested in each other, and decide that you must meet in person.

And when you do... there is nothing. No chemistry, no attraction, and no interest. It is like this woman is completely different than the girl that you met online...

And she thinks exactly the same thing about you.

What you have to remember is that the attraction and trust that you build online is, like everything else on the internet, a carefully crafted illusion. When you create your dating profile, you are creating an optimized representation of yourself. You then tweak and twist each email to make her as interested as possible, and then decide to go out on a date.

But sometimes you go too far.

Many men and women go crazy with the power that creating an ideal self-portrait allows them, and their profiles become a distorted view of their actual selves. When they show up in person, they appear a total stranger compared to the person that their date got familiar with over the internet.

She feels mislead, and things go poorly.

If you want to take an online relationship into the real world, you need to be congruent. Your online personality has to be an accurate reflection of your real life personality. The person she meets on a date has to be the same person that she fell for online.

There is no “cheat” or shortcut for this, as she will always figure out that you aren’t who you pretended to be. So keep congruent to your real life personality, and when she meets you in person, she will be delighted to learn that you are indeed the same person that she met online. Besides, you want her to fall in love with you for who you are, not for some fake internet character.

This is a sore point for many women, as they get lied to by men all the time. Every girl who dates online has dozens of examples of guys who show up for the date and are completely different than who they appeared to be online. Just by being the same guy, she will appreciate you even more!

Be yourself (granted, the most interesting and attractive parts of yourself) and the chemistry that you build online will translate into real life.

Ciao!

Dylan