Online dating tips are always useful, but sometimes you need a dose of epic failure to remind yourself that you are indeed a normal human rather than a linguistic Lothario. There are lot of occasions where you will write something you think is brilliant, but it turns out to be a spectacular failure.
The online dating mistake we are going to talk about today is the “cheese factor,” where you write something that is so awful, it sends people running from your profile. One great example is in my previous blog post:
http://onlinecasanova.blogspot.com/2008/05/bad-online-dating-profile-reviews.html
Here I analyze someone’s bad profile and point out his mistakes. One of the worst is this line:
“One tiny gold earring and neck chain adorn my toned body.”
Yes, I always say you should write images, but failed to mention that they cannot be cheesy. What the reader really learns from that line is “I’m tacky,” which as you might imagine, is bad. Really bad.
Did I already know this? Yes. Did I make the mistake anyway? Yes.
Here’s where I went wrong. This was actually a paragraph in Online Casanova under “descriptive & sensual writing.” I thought I had put together something sensuous that would get anyone reading it a little excited, with strong sexual images. Go ahead, read it.
“I don’t cook much, but when I do, the smell of spices will hit you before you even knock on my door. As soon as I open it, the aroma of beef roast in red wine will set you to salivating. One of my specialties, the beef is so tender that it comes apart as you put it in your mouth. Savory scalloped potatoes and bruschetta with plumb sauce will try and fill you, but you’ll need to save room for creamy strawberry cheesecake. So smooth you can swirl it around your tongue. The berries are crisp and juicy, and the sauce slowly dripping off as it tempts you to have another bite.”
Yeah, it’s pretty loaded with subtext. Too bad when my proofreaders (all women) got to it, they laughed their asses off. “There’s no way I’d keep reading the rest of a guy’s profile if he had this in it,” was the unanimous response.
Yes, it turns out that this is way too cheesy writing for a woman to read in a profile or an opening email. So be careful about what you describe and how you describe it. You aren’t writing a “Dear Playboy, I never thought it would happen to me, but...” type of letter. Keep it classy, keep it clean. Description is good, but tacky is bad.
For more on detailed descriptive writing (yes, I left all the good stuff in the book, hah!) check out:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/secrets.php
Now, there IS a time for this type of writing, but it is much later in the seductive email process. That however, is a topic for another day.
Happy Dating!
Dylan Alexander
PS. Have you taken my online dating aptitude quiz? Check it out here:
http://www.onlinecasanova.com/quiz.php
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