Friday, July 4, 2008

How do you date younger women online?

Dating younger women online is possible, but not always easy. Here's how:

> > > Question of the week:
“I am curious. I have been doing online dating for over a year now. Bought numerous programs, **** *’s and Dylan’s (Online Casanova). Both have very good points but prefer Dylan’s. I am 50, divorced, decent looking with a good sense of humor. I'm sure my profile could be better. Dylan, you asked if you could use it for a newsletter, (the one about "stop staring and read my profile".) It’s funny but maybe not quite good enough yet.
Here’s my problem. I have found it very difficult to get girls under 40 interested and even the ones closer to my age have really not been too attractive. I have been on Yahoo, match, and p.o.f.( I have also been trying to learn in the past year not to be an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) so that when I do get a meet up I will keep up the attraction.”
-JGP, Oregon

> > > My response

Hey JGP!
Thanks for the props on the book. I’m still planning on doing a review of your profile in the newsletter, I’ve just been focusing on launching a new version of the website, so I’ve let the newsletters slack a bit. Another two weeks and they will be back up to speed.

So.... the younger women question...

By now you know the problem (as does every guy reading this) of trying to date much younger women online. They simply filter out older guys based on their perception of how much above their age they THINK they want to date. In real life, this is much easier to get past, as you can win a girl over with your charms before she even thinks about the age gap.

Online, it isn’t nearly as easy.

Here are the three options if you want to date younger women...

Option 1 – Lie
Don’t do this. It’s an option, sure, but don’t. You’ll almost never get past the first date once she realizes that you lied about your age.

Option 2 – Mirroring
If you’ve read Online Casanova, you know what Mirroring is. It’s the concept that people are attracted to that which they see in themselves. Free spirits are attracted to free spirits, corporate types are attracted to corporate types, artists are attracted to artists... etc....

So, all you have to do is to figure out what that younger woman sees herself as, and mirror it in your emails. Reflect her true identity. She will be yours.

Easy? Hell no. This is probably the most difficult option to get younger women. It also breaks the rule of congruency, which is that you must always be yourself, otherwise your first date is going to fail when she realizes that you aren’t who you suggested you were.

Here’s one of my posts on congruency:

For more on Mirroring, here’s a post on my blog that will help:

Option 3 – Offer her something unique
Here’s the truth... younger women date older men in real life... younger women often PREFER dating older men in real life.

Why? Because older men can offer them something that men their age can’t.
Here’s a short list of what you might have to offer a younger women:
* Class
* Culture
* Emotional honesty
* Expanding her world
* Understanding her

Women crave these traits in men, and almost NEVER get enough of them in men their own age. Even if they do, they can often get much more of it in an older man.

The first two traits, Class and Culture, are straightforward. Women are always attracted to these two. Why? Maybe it’s because they were brought up on Disney fairytales where the princess finds her handsome prince and lives happily ever after. A noble prince is always the mark of class and culture. (That’s just my crazy “drank too much coffee today” theory...)

Displaying this in your profile is a matter of personal reflection. If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you know you can’t just SAY “I’m classy and cultured,” you have to SHOW HER that you are classy and cultured. Put up a photo of you in a tuxedo, write about that art gallery you went to in Prague, or talk about how you volunteer for the local musical center charity. I find the photo of the tux works the best, in all honesty.

The last three points, emotional honesty, expanding her world, and understanding her, are all tied up in her emotional state. Emotion is the drug of choice for women. Remember, to draw women in, you need to mirror these traits out to her. So...

1) Speak honestly about your emotions (but do it in a manly way, don’t be a wuss)

2) Talk about how you’ve expanded your own world (in terms of class/culture/travel/lifestyle, etc...)

3) Read the subtext of her profile and speak directly to that. This is covered extensively in Online Casanova, and is one of the best online dating skills you can learn. The gist is that you read what she is really saying in her profile, and then mirror that back to her. She’ll be blown away by how you understand her for who she really is (no one ever does this online).

The last bit of advice in Option 3... is that you can’t pursue her. Women are super wary of older guys chasing them. Never make her think that you are after her, need her, or are trying to validate yourself by dating younger women. You’ve got to display this massive value to her, then let her come towards you. Think George Clooney or even Sean Connery on this one.

Give that a try, and remember this:
If you make an issue out of it, it will definitely become a bigger issue for her. If she challenges you on it, blow it off.

If she pulls out “you’re too old for me” card, try the following:

“Yes... it would be a terrible scandal... everyone would talk. ;) ”

What woman doesn’t love a good scandal? That’ll catch her off guard. Then just keep going with your reply and never bring it up again.

Happy dating!
Dylan Alexander

PS. I should point out that if you are dating women more than 5 years younger than you, give yourself a pat on the back... 5 years difference is the age cap for most women online.

PPS. Free plug for my book! Get $10 off with this code: xk150s


Unknown said...

However, people comment that online dating websites are not safe there is lot of scam, if you do online dating then you may be cheated and so on.

But why don’t you think from its advantage point of view, in off line world, you may have hesitation to talk to someone for dating purposes but online you can talk to anyone who you like, arrange date and you have much flexibility to understand your partner.

For dating tips and advice you may visit it guides you and tells you about safe dating.

Most importantly, it gives you much flexibility to select your partner depending on styles, age, area, languages, religion, profession and a lot more.

Sarah King said...

Very creative post! Thanks for sharing and possibility to comment!
Please, let me recommend Dating Tips website to find out great dating tips, ideas, and relationships ebooks to help you meet and keep your perfect partner. said...

Good article keep posting this type of articles..............

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